Metal detector etiquette

[Diesel]

My money clip is metal and will set off the detector. I don't trust any of those TSA people as far as I can throw them. Most of them are pretty fat anyways.

I usually put my smokeless tobacco tin on the inside of my pocket and my money clip inside the tin and the leg. Never goes off. Plus i get to keep all my money. Thank god.

 

[slapstick]

if you live in a crashpad, its fun to sneak magnetic strips or some paperclips into the other guy's back pocket. then when he goes through security, he'll beep in the metal detectors, and they'll wand him down and it'll beep again when they wand his arse. the tough part is keeping a straight face.

 

[MSNFlier]

another way to get "wanded"

I empathize with your post on going through with your hands in your pockets and getting wanded. I have racked up 28,000 miles this year on NWA and have seen much in the security screening line. I thought I had it down pat until last Thursday when I was pulled aside and given the full treatment, ostensibly because I had "crossed my hands over my belt buckle area" when I walked through the detector.

I am 6'4 and a steak or two shy of 260. Needless to say, I have make sure that my shoulders do not rub against the inside of the detector or it will cause a static charge and set the thing off, thus giving me an all-expense paid pass to an orifice check. Anyway, I ALWAYS make sure my arms are in FRONT, not hands crossed, when i go through. Also, I ALWAYS wear a particular pair of Allen-Edmonds dress shoes that are super comfortable, look good and never set off the detector. While I'm waiting in line, I also throw all my pocket stuff and cell phone in my briefcase pocket so I don't have to delay others while getting everything out of my pockets, taking off my watch, etc. at the table. Sometimes I simply cannot believe how much crap people pull out of their pockets and how much other stuff they have to put in those plastic buckets - I wonder how many people just forget or lose an item here or there, you know?

So, my wonderful experience after allegedly crossing my hands inappropriately included being wanded with the dude rubbing the wand on me in various areas a bit more aggressively than I thought was necessary (and which, of course, set the thing off because it created yet ANOTHER static charge), shoes through the alternative x-ray machine because the eyelets set off the wand, open your belt buckle - by this point I just about felt like dropping my drawers, bending over and asking of they'd like to do a digital exam of my colon, too. I know I was maybe being a bit impatient, but **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED**, I really try to comply and make it as quick and easy as possible for me and the TSA people.

Oh well, enough of my rant. Honest to God, in some ways I agree with another poster on here who said that the paradigm in passenger airplanes has changed dramatically since September 11, 2001. On just about every flight I'm on, there are at least two or three other dudes who are my size or bigger (we grow them big here in the upper midwest and that's where NWA does a lot of their business). No way on Allah's green earth and desert camel train are dudes like us ever going to stand by and let some skinny, underfed jihad m*****f***ers do another September 11 deal. No way in the world. F*** 'em. Never again, and that's the way it's going to be forever, at least on US airlines.

Considering the preceding paragraph, I do sometimes wonder why all the extra screening is so necessary? Isn't there a military saying about not preparing to fight the next war the same way you fought the last?

Regards,

 

[Q200_FO]

Stoppage...

We should all create a work slowdown for the mighty TSA. Can you imagine 50+ pilots going through all at once and deliberately setting the thing off? Maybe the TSA'ers seeing all of the pissed off pax will set off a light bulb.

 

[mar]

This is exactly my point!

Andymsn--<high five> Exactly!

<<Isn't there a military saying about not preparing to fight the next war the same way you fought the last?>>

What NUT is gonna try to detonate his friggin' shoe?

Do they really think those cockpit doors are necessary NOW?

And Andy, I'm only 5'8'', 165# but I'll be right *behind* you when someone tries to hijack the plane I'm on.

It's the bureaucrats and media who are to blame I'm afraid. So, to Q200FO, I say: Yeah, a mass stoppage in ORD, LAX, SFO or JFK would be a blast but I'm afraid then they'd ban pilots from the terminals...

...on second thought...

 

[Hovernut]

Returning from my dad's funeral in STL, I was hanging my uniform in CVG ops so's I could get my truck and head back to STL to pick up the last of his belongings he willed to me. As I was fishing through the suit pockets, I came upon one of the spent rounds I collected from the military honor guard. I was suprised the STL TSA didn't do a double-take as it went through the x-ray! Things that make you go Hmmmm.

 

[enigma]

Returning from my dad's funeral in STL, I was hanging my uniform in CVG ops so's I could get my truck and head back to STL to pick up the last of his belongings he willed to me. As I was fishing through the suit pockets, I came upon one of the spent rounds I collected from the military honor guard. I was suprised the STL TSA didn't do a double-take as it went through the x-ray! Things that make you go Hmmmm.

Sorry about your Dad.

It always amazes me that I get through security with my bags. One of them contains a metal piece that would make a very mean weapon, and the piece is accessable from outside the bag. So everytime I clear, I know that I am carrying what could be used as a very effective weapon. If I am, so could a couple of bad guys. I have absolutely NO faith in security. If we ever start profiling pax, then I will start feeling a little bit better, but not much. I will only start to feel secure, when I know that either there is a FAM on every flight, or if BOTH pilots are armed. Matter of fact, as I write this, I realize that the only thing that will make me feel secure is enough border security to prevent manpads and the scumbags who would using them from ever setting foot on US soil.

regards,
enigma

 

[labbats]

If we ever start profiling pax, then I will start feeling a little bit better, but not much.

That doesn't ebb and flow well with your Ben Frankie quote

 

[Super 80]

I wear shankless shoes that are as comfortable as bedroom slippers. I put my coat and hat in a container. Don't let the one of a Thousand Standing Around help with your bags. Lift the wheel bag appropriately off the ground and let it fall the last six to eight inches to the belt. Remember to bend with the knees and not with your back when lifting the Kitbag and separate lifting motions from twisting motions. Place your kitbag on the belt gently with respect.

Walk through sideways as much as possible. I can go through with my logbook(pocket size and spiral bound), two Cross pens, my keys (4), a spare key in my wallet, loose change, and my watch. Stand at attention before the arch while the TSA goon has the stop sign hand outstretched. Step off military style but left hand and left foot advancing together. Only ATL has pitched a fit about my "style" but I did not beep.

After passing through the arch, when the white-shirt Gestapo asks where your ID is, look directly at them and stare. Do not at any time respond to their questions. Do not open your mouth at all. Let them repeat their question over and over until you retrieve your jacket with ID attached on the outermost garment as required and put it on.

If selected for aircrew harassment, comply to least extent and make them repeat their commands. Pick your feet up six inches at a time. Lift your arms in 30 degree increments. Do not speak at all. Stare directly into their eyes with a poker face expression.

This will infuriate them.

Remember the lessons of POW training: little victories.

1TH 5:3 While people are saying, "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.

 

[Typhoon1244]

Re: This is exactly my point!

What NUT is gonna try to detonate his friggin' shoe?

I love the TSA's shoe fetish. I guess we should just be thankful Richard Reid had a bomb hidden in his shoes and not his jock strap...

Originally posted by Q200_FO
the TSA'ers seeing all of the pissed off pax will set off a light bulb.

The TSA "grunts" are far too standardized to be affected by things of that nature. How often have you had a cop apologize for having to write you a ticket? Or heard of an IRS agent who felt really bad about conducting an audit?

They don't make the rules, they just apply them like mindless robots.