Idiotic Radio Calls

[jobear]

heard this last winter talking to Indy center:
NW: center NWxxxx with ya at fl230
Indy: Rgr NWxxxx cleared direct XYZ
NW: uhh we aren't RNAV equiped
Indy: Ahh crap!


My capt almost shot soda right out his nose he was laughing so hard.

Jobear

 

[teedub]

aero mexico

JFK
31L
canarsie climb...involves left turn to the VOR prior to crossing NE radial....initially designed to keep departing traffic from blasting out over the city and towards WTC (R.I.P).....

TWR.."aero mexico turn left direct canarsie maintian 5000 contact dept on 135.xx"

silence

Aero Mex "new york dept aero mekiko with you out of 8000"

DEP "aero mexico you were given 5000 direct canarsie" (stern loud voice)

silence...then (cool drawn out rumbling)
"some time you make it....some time you dont"

 

[belchfire]

Feb 2000
A down in the dirt suppertime push in
CLT (Catbird 100 is a butt-ugly cherokee
6-260 freighter) wx is terrible...
"Clt Tower, Catbird 100 ILS 36R"

Twr"Catbird 100 you're number two
behind a Dash, cleared to land 36R"

pause

TWR "Catbird 100, say speed"

catbird 100 "er, 'bout 160"

TWR "Catbird 100, slow immediately
you have 60 knots on the dash!"

On another night, Catbird 100 (different
pilot onboard, same buttugly a/c) is all
but in ground effect as it was "taxying"
to 16R...Goes past a US 73 waiting to join
the taxiway...
Grey-haired crow rumble from 73
"Veeeone, rotate"

I would have sworn one day last month
that little crawly guy from the Ring movie
smeegle?was checking in with MEM
cntr...hissing out "memphissssscenter,
kingairxxxssssierria"...it was with great
restraint that I only turned on the inter
com and said "we must serve the massster
of the precsssioussss"

heard on STL app

app"Corpex 5900, how come all you
guys (all the corpex junkstreams) are
going different speeds"

Corpex 5900 "'Cause they're all bent
different!"

 

[OPECJet]

While listening to ATL Center a few years ago, sometime in the early morning before the rush, a guy checked on and was totally unreadable.

"Calling center, say again...."

another garbled transmission...

"Calling center, you're unreadable, try another radio, headset, microphone, pilot, or airplane......"


Another one, coming out of HSV around 0400, with all the red eyes coming in from the West Coast going to ATL. I checked on about 10 min before at least 6 Delta guys, whole all checked on within seconds, and then started requesting all sorts of off the wall stuff. Probably to relieve boredom.

MEM Center: "Everyone SHUT UP!!! It's way too early, and I've got way too **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** many airplanes to deal with you're crap... Speak only when spoken to....."

After about a 2 minute silence...."Hey Memphis, you got time to copy a PIREP?" It was clear and a million... I thought the controller was going to come apart at the seams.....

 

[jetexas]

...Fort Worth center apparently forgot to give a crossing restriction to "speedbird" (British Airways)...

Center (rushed sounding): "ahhh, speedbird...sorry for the delay on this...you gonna be able to make TACKE at 11 ??"

(pause)

Speedbird (in that thick british accent): "Yes sir, we can... However we will NOT be with the machine !! "

 

[Torey15]

Great postings guys-

A friend of mine cleared to land at Calgary Int'l as a student--

Tower: Cessna 1234, cleared to land, I need you to exit by taxiway Golf-

Buddy: Cessna 1234, cleared to land, exit taxiway......Grover??

Tower: I said exit Taxiway Golf, Kermit.

My buddy said he could hear everyone in the tower laughing their a$$ off..

Another one heard at AOPA function:

John Wayne Tower-this is UAL XXX, the number one on time airline, number one customer service airline, with number one world wide service is number one for departure....

SNA: UAL XXX, this is John Wayne ground, contact the tower on ....