Idiotic Radio Calls

[Capn Lucky]

Just before the war started, Air France, on its way to BOS was given a hold at SCUPP. Air France asked why they had been issued a hold and another voice replied "because we don't like you"

 

[Ben Franklin]

i heard a great one by a single-engine cessna filed I.F.R. while flying through colorado springs approach:

controller: "cessna xyz, i seemed to have lost you on radar...verify your level at 5 thousand and please recycle transponder."

cessna: "oh yeah, sorry about that sir - i accidentally gained over five hundred feet out here and shut my transponder off so you hopefully wouldn't notice."


classic!

The best part about it is that he would have been flying at about 250-750 feet AGL through Class G airspace(IFR / ATC communications not even required)if he was indicating 5,000 feet anywhere near COS.

Get a real story.

lame.

 

[great cornholio]

This one happened at LGA today. They were landing 31 all day and for a while they were using the LOC 31. Something happened at JFK and they had to stop using the LOC 31 but the wx was too bad for the Expressway vis 31. So we check on and they tell us to slow down and start giving us delay vectors because they were switching to the ILS 4 circle to land 31. Well a few min later they tell us that the ILS is having problems to expect the NDB 4 circle to land 31. So like a min later this happens.

Delta "New York approach Delta 123 with ya 14000 for 10000 with Zulu"

NY "Roger expect the NDB runway 4 circle to land 31"

Delta 123 "NDB 4 circle to land 31....Are you serious???"

NY "NDB 4 circle to land 31 affirmative we can't use to LOC 31 anymore because of JFK and no one is picking up the expressway for the expressway 31"

Delta 123 "Ok then glad its not my leg"

 

[KINGAIR PIC]

"CAA123: Not usually, but since we have your wife in the back....i guess we are today...."

This was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

 

[OakRBust]

Last week in LAS


LAS Appch WN xxx Say Airspeed

About 30 second pause while Crew is looking for restriction on those pesky Rnav DEP/Arrivals..

WN : 250 knots sir


Vegas Appch.... OK WN you are 60 knots faster than AWA in front of you. I really need you at 250 Knots

 

[Jetscream32]

In Philly the other day. ATIS code is Golf.
USair: Philly ground USair XXX spot 9 with the Atis.
Ground: Which one you got?
Usair: Uh, the current one
Ground: You mean Hotel?
Usair: Yep that's it.
Ground: Usair xxx actually it's Golf so hold at spot 9 and let me know when you get it.

Moral: Philly controllers get pissy around 4pm

 

[BlueCanoe]

Passed thru the grapevine

This was on BOS CTR:

UAL (female): Center any shortcuts for United today?
Crusty Voice: Your whole career was a shortcut.

Silence

 

[Superkell]

Here's an original

As some pilots and instructors were reading this forum at the lovely scenic Dallas Executive Airport (Formerly known as Redbird RBD) a student told this story.

It was a clear day and a student pilot (solo) was holding short of RWY17 in a Tomahawk. Now for those of you not familiar RBD is class D and under the DFW class B airspace. There is some heavy traffic but mostly GA aircraft and the towers will occasionally humor you with casual conversation while you are in their airspace. They are very friendly for the most part.

The student pilot makes the following transmission

"Redbird Tower Tomahawk 12345 is holding short of RWY 17 ready for Emergency Takeoff."

The tower promptly replied by saying very quickly and sarcasticly "You are cleared for immediate departure."

 

[atldc9]

Doing the long taxi in MCO for rwy 35, 4 airplanes taxining out on the 2 parallel taxiways. We were fourth in line. #1 is an RJ, #2 a MD-11.

twr: Alright, all you guys for 35, the rj is 1, delta is 2, the other 2 are in sequence, everybody to the tower.

airplane #3: OK, it is Delta's future, then Delta's past then us. See ya.

 

[Dutch]

Heard this one second-hand while jumping an AA flight.

AAXXX: Center, any chance for a shortcut?

CTR: AAXXX, cleared direct crazy woman (vor in WY)

AAXX: OK, cleared direct to my wife.