Idiotic Radio Calls

[Data]

Please post some, they crack me up. Here's a little one I had yesterday, or heard rather.

I am not the most experienced pilot out there, in fact, I am wet behind my years. So I don't portray to be an ace or anything. And I too have made my fair share of stupid things said (and will continue to do so for years to come.) But this one I heard yesterday is up there with I D I O T I C, and just plain ignorant.


Atlanta App: yadda yadda how much fuel do you have left.

Redneck Hick: (Use your best southern 60 year old drawl) Well, I got about fifteen to twenty gallons left, I suppose.

Atlanta App: Well, how much fuel do you burn per hour?

Idiot: I suppose about 15 or so gallons per hour

Atlanta: Well I'm showing you about 25 minutes from your destination, would you like to stop at any one of the 20 airports you're flying over for fuel.

Idiot: Ahhh, no, I think I should be fine, this happens all the time, I just wanted you to know so that I don't get vectored all around and then have to shoot the approach and maybe not make it.

This happens all the time? I'm sure Atlanta loves dealing with these Hee Haw watching freaks.

 

[Otto_Pilot]

You never flew single-pilot night freight did ya?

 

[FL000]

Let's see, there was the time I told ground I wanted to taxi with information October. And I don't remember the context, but I used the number "fiver" in another transmission. No, I wasn't a student OR a PP at the time.

 

[Data]

Let's see, there was the time I told ground I wanted to taxi with information October.

I friend of mine's father (a retired 777 guy) asked me if I wanted to jump seat on a Challenger with him, eager to ride along I was all smiles on the short hop. He was being nice and having me do little things, grab the ATIS, copy the clearance, and somewhere along the line I was reading something off to him and said "N as in Nancy". I felt like the smacktard I am.

 

[T-Gates]

Let's see, there was the time I told ground I wanted to taxi with information October. And I don't remember the context, but I used the number "fiver" in another transmission. No, I wasn't a student OR a PP at the time.

If you are coming back from a highspeed/nap/stand-up, you are allowed atleast 1 or 2 moronic radio calls.

"XXX 1234 Traffic is a Heavy 747 at your 12 o'clock 10,000 level..."

"Yeah....uh....we have that big um...red thing in sight."

"Maintain visual from the big red thing, and descend and maintain 4,000"

"Okay....."

I need more sleep.....

--03M

 

[Data]

You never flew single-pilot night freight did ya?

I knew that by posting a thread like this someone would come back with a lucid, well thought out explanation of why I didn't understand the whole picture. It only took 15 minutes. That definitely explains the 'This happens all the time' part.

 

[tittyjet]

Me on the Boston ground freq. in the middle of the afternoon push, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard Us Airways Express flight 59XX, with service up to Presque Isle, Maine. We're currently number three for departure and you'll have a great view of the Boston skyline off the right side of the aircraft on the climb out. Flight Attendant, please prepare the cabin."

Responses heard on the radio included, but not limited to, "Hey, what's the movie?"

"Flip the switch, you moron."

"Are we there yet?"




Also heard on the BOS ground frequency during the push, "Lufthansa XXX heavy, Boston ground."

"Ja, Lufthansa XXX heavy -- go ahead."

"Yeah, uh, we need you to pull off there on Charlie and contact your ops. It seems you're missing a couple of passengers."

Smart ass response in fake German accent, "Ja, uhh ok, veel check zie ovens."

Complete silence for at least 30 seconds followed.


One more:

ATL Final Approach, "Baron 12345, need you to keep your speed up, traffic entrail is a heavy Boeing 7-6-7"

"uh, ok, we'll keep up the speed"

Few minutes later, "Baron 12345, I TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR SPEED UP."

"Ok, we'll speed it up"

"Baron 12345, call the tower at the marker, and welcome to the world's busiest airport, sir."

 

[acaTerry]

Heard on my way somewhere one day..."Yo Yo Yo Clevey center, Jetlink XXXX keepin it real at One Five thousand".

 

[FL000]

Heard on my way somewhere one day..."Yo Yo Yo Clevey center, Jetlink XXXX keepin it real at One Five thousand".

I'm gett'n my laff on wid dat one.

 

[Tooslow]

"Cinci Tower, Blueridge 6983 checking in 18L and looking for a job!" A number of comments from Comair and Delta pilots in line for takeoff..............................................................! Tower Laughs