Timebuilder
Entrepreneur
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2001
- Posts
- 4,625
...and I'll bet you could use one, too. A friend sent me this a few minutes ago.
COURT_ HUMOR
These are things people actually said in court, word for word,_ taken down and published by court reporters-who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you_ sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is_ your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What_ gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: This_ myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in_ what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can_ you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How old_ is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I_ can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five_ years.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q:_ What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that_ morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you_ know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A:_ We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Now_ doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know_ about it until the next morning?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: The_ youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Were_ you present when your picture was taken?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: So the_ date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what_ were you doing at that time?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: He had_ three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How was_ your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was_ it terminated?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and_ had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is your_ appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent_ to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor,_ how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies_ are performed on dead people.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: All_ your responses must be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you_ recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around_ 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was_ sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Are you_ qualified to give a urine sample?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor,_ before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for_ breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive_ when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure,_ Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But_ could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is_ possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law somewhere.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: And_ where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Sir,_ what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Did you_ blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the_ accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q:_ Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your
red and blue Lights_ flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of_ her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: You say_ the stairs went down to the basement?
A. Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did_ they go up also?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Judge:_ "Well Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to
give your wife $775_ a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few
bucks myself."
COURT_ HUMOR
These are things people actually said in court, word for word,_ taken down and published by court reporters-who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you_ sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is_ your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What_ gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: This_ myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in_ what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can_ you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How old_ is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I_ can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five_ years.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q:_ What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that_ morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you_ know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A:_ We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Now_ doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know_ about it until the next morning?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: The_ youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Were_ you present when your picture was taken?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: So the_ date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what_ were you doing at that time?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: He had_ three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How was_ your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was_ it terminated?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and_ had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is your_ appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent_ to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor,_ how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies_ are performed on dead people.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: All_ your responses must be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you_ recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around_ 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was_ sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Are you_ qualified to give a urine sample?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor,_ before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for_ breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive_ when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure,_ Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But_ could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is_ possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law somewhere.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: And_ where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Sir,_ what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Did you_ blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the_ accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q:_ Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your
red and blue Lights_ flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of_ her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: You say_ the stairs went down to the basement?
A. Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did_ they go up also?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Judge:_ "Well Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to
give your wife $775_ a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few
bucks myself."
