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I need a punch line!

RJones

Rico SWAFO
Joined
Dec 13, 2001
Posts
374
Total Time
15000+
I need a punch line, any thoughts?

A lady walks onto the airplane. She looks around and then spots the perfect place to put her luggage. As she bends over to pick up her luggage she farts very loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a flight attendant doesn't show up. As she turns back, there, standing next to her, is a flight attendant. "Good morning," "how may I help you?" Very uncomfortably she
asks, "could you help me with my luggage?"

Mine:
"Certainly, ma'am," says the flight attendant. "Would you first please disable its alarm system?"

RJ
 

Old Crow

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 6, 2001
Posts
166
Total Time
10K+
A man walks into a bar... The bartender says, "What did you do that for?".
 

FL000

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 26, 2001
Posts
1,577
Total Time
1500
"Tell you what...I'll help you with your luggage if you'll help me with this PBE."
 

qxeplt

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 27, 2001
Posts
199
Total Time
9500
Oh No!

Quick, somebody get this guy a class date he getting delirious like the rest of us...

Just Kiddin RJones
 

CoopDog

SWA Pool Dog Paddler
Joined
Mar 20, 2002
Posts
310
Total Time
7600
F/A says, "Certainly Ma'am, but we'll need to get it screened again first. That bomb you just set off could have knocked me unconscious!"
 

Huck

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 6, 2001
Posts
1,076
Total Time
11,000
One blowtorch-hot August day in Macon I watched the ASA station manager and a ramper load a 350 pound wheelchair-bound woman into a Brasilia.

They had this hand-cranked contraption that looked like a cattle chute. The station manager was soaked with sweat and about to pass out from the heat.

Then he got in the plane to help the woman into the front row. She stood up and he literally had to push on her ass to get her moved. Just as he was bent over, giving max effort, she broke wind in his face.

That poor guy stayed with us, even after that. I wonder where he's working now....
 

qxeplt

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 27, 2001
Posts
199
Total Time
9500
This Really Happened To Me...

Last year my crew and I were about to fly our last leg up to Walla Walla, WA from Seattle. We were late from the start due to a maintenance delay. Maintenance control gave us the go ahead to board since they just needed to complete the logbook. Out comes the passengers and we loaded up the plane, in the meantime our lavatory smelt pretty badly so we decided to call for a lavatory service. As we finished up our boarding process, little did we know how exciting our lavatory service would be. I jumped on the PA and welcomed everyone on board and sincerely apologized for the short delay and after we finished our refueling process and lavatory servicing we’d be under way. By this time I jumped out of my seat to go talk to the ground agents and was interrupted by a huge splash of lavatory blue juice just gushing out of the airplane spilling all over the ground and the ramp agent doing the servicing. “Oh boy” I thought, this is going to be fun. How do I explain this to the passengers? I think we grossed out everyone on the ramp and nobody was about to help us clean up this mess. The blue juice along with a variety of other objects, like brown trout and toilet paper, began floating back toward the side windows for all our passengers to see. I climbed back in the airplane and radioed for a clean up crew. Now I’m thinking, how do I be professional about this without cracking up on the PA? I told my crew what just happened and they busted up laughing and told me to make the announcement cause they weren’t about to touch that. Okay fine, I’ll do it after all I’m the Captain, so much for delegation. I got on the PA and told our passengers it appears there will be more of a delay. During our lavatory service a bit of fluid spilled on the ground, okay okay, they spilled it all and folks it’s not a pretty site out there, take my advice, you probably shouldn’t look outside, otherwise it’s at your own risk. Everyone on board is laughing, I got tears in my eyes, and my crew thinks this is just about the most hilarious thing they’ve ever seen. I let the folks know we needed to get it cleaned up before we could start our right engine or it would really hit the fan around here if you no what I mean. So for the next fifteen minutes while they cleaned up the mess all the passengers laugh and cracked jokes at the expense of our airline. When we got to our destination people were still chuckling and giggling about it. My crew and I had fun with it too.
 

ivauir

SNIKT!
Joined
Jan 13, 2002
Posts
1,476
Total Time
10,000
My story

The "lav" in a 155,000 pound monstronsity I used to fly was a chem toillet that used to stow in the rear of the airplane. It stowed up and out of the way on a rail system. One day an intrepid crew member decided to use the facilities, but couldn't figure out how to lower the potty. Up he climbs and perches, suspended about 5 feet in the air. Upon disembarking the suspension system gave way and down tumbled a highly trained military aviator. Our first clue as to his predicament was a loud thump and language that turned the air blue (not to mention the water).
 
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