help! need some encouraging words!!

[TurboS7]

I just got back from a long all nighter from BWI to KEF and returned. The duty day is 18 hours starting at 10PM at night. I jumped on SWA and kept " trucking" just to get home. (the airline provides a hotel at BWI but I kept heading home)I jumped in being up for almost 30 hours. I got 2.0 hours of sleep and was woke up by a screaming 9 year old, just having fun. I could be in a nice hotel right now sleeping soundly, but I am here with the kids. I just went ahead and got up, I am here with them and that is something that you don't get as a pilot. There has been some dynamic advise on this board, my wife read the post and is too busy to reply. She just said two things, one don't sell the house and don't buy and airplane, and to hang in there and tell your husband not be let his passion make him selfish. Supporting the family is number one, aviation can do it but it is very tough. Get a job at an FBO so he can be around airplanes and have contacts, don't get out of the loop. This whole business is who you know and not what you know on the GA side. He is low time but God cares and God provides, just stay together and put each other and Him first.
A major airline that I worked for shut down and things were pretty messy. I got a job flying a 402 to and from MYNN for $100.00 a day to support the family. It was hard but one of the neat things was that I could take the kids along on the freight run. We had a 7 hour layover in MYNN so I took a kid a couple of time a week and spent that time with them. We snorkeled, fished, and did everything you can do with a 7 hour layover at Nassau. Those kids are all grown now and one is getting married in December. The fun times of the "hard times" are memories we as a family will cherish forever. The crazy thing about aviation is that I could be in the same situation tomorrow. Don't boast of tomorrow because you never now what is going to happen. Be safe and remember being an FA is totally diffrent than being a pilot, no comparision. But you have shown the qualities of a wonderful wife and mother, make it happen.

 

[Timebuilder]

Pilotswife_

I have a different situation entirely. No wife, no kids, and it has been very tough to make a go of an aviation career in this post 9-11 environment. As an instructor, I made only half of the money and hours I had expected to make. Student starts fell like the Hindenberg. I lost my instruction job. As the economy began to contract, my voice over (commercials) side business began to fall off, and I haven't had a paying writing assignment in months. It was networking that gave me the lead to the Learjet job that I have now. The wages are meager, and about 15 thousand below industry standard. If I had a wife and kids, I'd probably be working at home depot, or doing overnight talk radio.

Don't buy the airplane. I have played around with numbers on this, and your husband is better off with an occaisional low cost rental. I recommend that he finds a part time instructing job where the owner will give him a small discout for aircraft rentals so he can add a couple of hours of cross country time each week.

His full time job should be one that puts him in touch with potential flight students. An aviation pin worn on a suit, an airplane tie, or an AOPA watch will generate interest from a variety of people. If you husband can have regular contact with those who can afford to take flight lessons, he can give them a card and get them into an airplane. Upscale sales positions may be best for this, so you will have to use your judgement based on your knowlege of your husband's skills.

This may be the best win-win situation you can have: a working husband who still gets to follow his dream, without sacrificing his first responsibility: his family.

Keep the house.

 

[temcgrew]

wow, i read some responses, not all of them so i don't know if i am repeating things. ups capt and mr. time builder(congrats on the lear job) have it right! when I was a CFI i met a girl in a different state and ended up marrying her. my $5,000 per year CFI job wasn't enough to support us, so i quit flying and got an hourly paying job at an FBO in atlanta, ga. IT PAYED THE BILLS!!
even though i didn't know when or were i would get back into the flying side of aviation. Anyway, alot of fuloughed airline guys are working at HOME DEPOT and other places, there is no loss in doing that. things will change in the future but you gotta ask yourself how you will take care of yourself in a responsible manner until aviation resumes a more pre 9-11 level.

good luck!!

 

[enigma]

things will change in the future but you gotta ask yourself how you will take care of yourself in a responsible manner until aviation resumes a more pre 9-11 level.

good luck!!

I appreciate your optism, but don't forget that the airline industry was in a slide prior to 9/11. UAL was bleeding, AA was having a hard time integrating TWA, business travel was way down, Midway was nearing bankruptcy, etc. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that the pre-9/11 problems are the main thing holding us back at the present. My carrier has rebounded and even expanded, but we don't carry the industrys historical bread and butter pax. the business man.

good luck to the pilot, his wife, and all the rest.
regards,
8N

 

[pilotswife]

Thank you! For many words of wisdom...

Hello Again,
I just had a chance to read through all your replies and it was comforting and encouraging to see that there are others out there who have walked in my shoes. I kind of felt at times that I was being the selfish one. Since my kids have been born I have been unable to fly full time with CO. I have always had to trip trade frantically during the open window to get rid of 70% of my schedule since he was never around to watch the kids and all of you with kids know how diffucult it is to arrange childcare around a monthly bid (impossible, unless you have family take them- which mine rarely did).
I have just requested a COLA (company offered leave) with CO since they have just announced more furloughs if some of us senior FA's don't take the COLA. They are actually offering 20-17-8 and 5 month leaves. I requested a 20 month (with flight benefits and COBRA coverage). I am actually going to do something for myself! Go back to school and either get a Maters Degree or go into real estate. If he wants to fly I guess I will have to attempt to be the bread winner.
With regards to the house - I have convinced him to keep it, since it is the only investment we have right now (all 401ks IRA's and college funds are spent!)
He can CFI part time.
Again thank you all for taking the concern to respond - I guess you are all friends we just haven't yet met
pilotswife

Some of you asked what my husbands credentials were here they are:
B.S. in Vocational Education (he quit teaching auto tech after 5 years)
A.S.E. Certified Auto Mechanic ( a job he has and DESPISES!)
Attended Airline Training Academy in FL
($50,000 [plus living expenses]
CFI

 

[Hansel]

pilot'swife:

Started in this business early 90's, met a fantastic woman and got married while I was flight instructing.
Hiring was dismal and we decided together, for me to leave flying and focus on her career as she had a much better chance of making it and making decent money(psychologist).
Well I went out got a decent job and together we had two kids, bought a gorgeous house in Southern California and life was grand. Never gave flying a second thought, until...
About a year and a half ago, with all the hiring going on we decided that I would jump back in. We rented out our house(we didn't want to sell it) and we moved back in with my folks while I started working for a freight company at a fourth of the salary I was making.
After six months I got hired by a regional on September 10, 2001 and we know what happened tghe following day.
I decided at this time that it wasn't about me, and I needed to do whats right for my family. I got back into the corporate world and were back at our house, and I'm home every night, and on weekends, and on holidays and I'm satisfied I made the right decision.
Am I happy about leaving flying? Heck no, it hurts like hell, but it was the right thing to do, my families happiness is more important than mine.
I hope your husband does what is best for the family, take care and good luck, got to go I need to take my kids to Chuck E Cheese and that's what its all about.
Un

 

[PilotOnTheRise]

Becoming a pilot and getting into the aviation industry is unlike any career path I have ever seen. It requires alot and alot is sometimes tiring and you feel like it will never end. Do I say this from experience...yes and no ... yes, as I am a student pilot, currently working toward my ratings, I talk to pilots and see what is going on and people get frustrated. I sometimes wish I had my ratings and could just go fly and make money. No in that I am not to the point of instructing, having a wife and a kid, Im only 18. Yes, one day I want to have a wife and a kid. I do know that before anything else they would come first, especially the kid. If I had to give up flying for awhile or for good Id do it in a heartbeat. I can guarantee you that your husband feels the same way. It is hard to explain the love a pilot has for flying .. the feeling I get I guess only other pilots and relate to ... it is something you have a desire to and you keep pushing and pushing to get to that goal, the seat of a airliner. It sounds to me like you and your husband have understanding parents who are willing to help out and as long as that is the case, I would support him. I dont think he would let things get too bad before pulling the plug and realizing what its causing. Stick in there, from the times you listed he is not too far from a good flying job ...GOOD LUCK!

 

[peepsmover]

Keep on Dreaming and Striving

Congrats Pilot's Wife! You have a lot going for you in that you and your spouse are both educated, AND communicating, which is half the battle, but you must share and support each others dreams if not, inevitably it will eat at both of you. Everyone offers some good points so I offer my POV since I too have faced your situation.

In late 1991 when the airlines were not hiring I had wanted to quit my good admin job and fly my lips off bumming with my reserve unit and be a standby small charter pilot. I wanted to make a beeline to the big iron! Certainly my missus could see the wisdom of my efforts after all, I was the only Pilot in the house, woohoo!

Already with a small family, my wife kindly "invited" me to have the "Big Talk," she asked some good questions, like well what is your fallback plan? Not only along the lines of what if you don't make it, (how could she think in such defeatist terms!) but the risks of a flying career riding on me staying healthy and the lack of job security(health?! Im a friggin athlete! Security/shmecurity it rarely happens. Eastern and Pan Am have been around forever, they are going to be rehiring once their finances get restructured, you'll see!) Also she wanted to know how realistic my chances were in the future and what it would take to become competitive, (Baby, its a slam dunk deal I just gotta fog up a mirror, everybody loves me can't u see that?Competitive, sheyyt the Majors will be lining up to throw me a signing bonus so lets just focus on domiciles) and where did we want to see ourselves in five years even if flying didn't work out? (Whoa, stop right there did u just call me a failure?! More like 5 months, whats this "years" attitude? O.K. left seat of a 747400, happy now? Where's the faith, Muffin? Look MY plan is Golden just sign off on it and will all get along just fine, besides, Deary ya don't understand the AIRLINE industry like Homie do. Hmmph! The Feds say there is a shortage, this pilot prepping service says there is a shortage and they KNOW the industry).

So, she had me research the history of the industry, and I soon realized that seniority means nothing if your employer closes shop or forloughs because of labor strife, a bad economy or the whim of some CEO just trying to make out like a bandit on his stock options. We had just kicked butt in the Gulf War, so certainly the post war boom was just around the corner? During this time frame TWA, Continental and America West had all filed for bankruptcy protection, pilots were forloughed, and recalls were not on the horizon. But I reasoned that such is life, there are no warranties and people are going to always fly I told her.

Quitting my job and simply hanging out at my unit trying to pick up extra days was an impossibility. There were numerous forloughed pilots who needed those days more than me. I did not quit my desk (teeth gnashing) job, in essence I became a Reserve reserve geek, still the extra missions were few. I had to shelve my "Golden Plan." My wife then quit her job so she could finish her masters on a fulltime basis. When she graduated, the airlines were still not hiring, so she then got a job I quit mine and I started law school. I kept flying with the Reserves and instead of clerking I had a civilian summer job that offered a lot of flying. Granted I was gone pretty much each summer from my family, so I had to work hard to maintain quality time with them, some months were great but most were not.

Finally, I graduated and passed the bar and started working as a shyster then a flying job came up, it offered a ton of flying but it meant being away from them for over 6 months. We decided it was worth it because it would make me competitive offer upgrades and allow me to add a lot of quality time. At this juncture we had a newborn and so we had to hire a nanny to live with my wife to help her out, since my wife was still working. I clearly remember the day I left, my oldest kid coming up to me with a picture of himself that he drew saying that I should keep it so that I wouldn't forget him. That was hard. Eventually what was 6 months worked out to 11 months. But a couple of interviews and a little over five years after the "Big Talk," our collective effort paid off.

The most important part is that we did it together and she made me understand the risk/reward models of both the short term approach and the long term approach all against a backdrop of glaring probabilities. Certainly there were times when I questioned my sanity, or hers for staying married to me, and that still hasn't stopped, ha! The naysayers will be there, so just lick your wounds and support each others dreams. Certainly reality has a way of tempering such dreams, but it still doesn't mean that a rewarding flying career is an impossiblity. In essence, invest in yourselves as you best see fit, and proceed from positions of strength. The best of luck to you and I wish you much success with your efforts.

 

[peepsmover]

Addendum

I just wanted to respond to your specific point about your husband telling you that he is doing it for you. While I cannot measure his sincerity, if it is any comfort to you, I said the same thing to my wife multiple times over the years, as we worked towards our goals, sometimes her responses were funny sometimes they weren't, but overall the funny ones exceeded the the tart ones. Hope this helps.

 

[Brother Francis]

Maslow's hierarchy of human needs

Pilot's wife-

Support him in his dreams, but not at the expense of the family. Food and shelter come before "self actualization."

Stand firm. This is a two way street.

"No, you may not sell our house.

"No, you may not buy an airplane.

"Yes, I want you to attain your dreams and goals. I also have dreams and goals. Neither of us is required to give ours up in favor of the other's.

"Yes, I will support you and do all I can to see this happen. I am entitled to the same.

"Your primary responsibility is to feed, clothe and shelter your family. Now. Get a job that allows that. Now. When you can get a flying job that can accomplish that goal, take it.

"I will do all I can and make sacrifices to hasten that day, but you will need to sacrifice and do all you can to ensure your family's security until that day.

"I love you."

Use a rolling pin if necessary.

$0.02