To Pilot's Wife (from Mrs. Freeze)
Been there, done that, girfriend. I wanted to tell you our story, because I, too, have sacrificed:
In 1989, my husband started his flight training by paying on his own, but he ran out of money and was forced to stop. At this point, I thought it was just a passing phase or a hobby. When I was 3 months pregnant with our daughter, he went out of state to flight college, but came back about two months later. He worked at a home improvement store for a few years when he told me he wanted to continue his education. I stayed in California for a year while he went to school. My daughter and I finally moved there in 1995. My husband worked at various jobs (Home improvement store salesman, warehouseperson, carpenter's assistant, plumber's assistant), while I worked steadily at an office job. He would come home and tell me he'd quit his job because it conflicted with his school schedule. I would think, "here we go again." I was the sole supporter of the family for most of that time. During that time we were on foodstamps, and when those ran out, I accepted free food from a couple of the local charities, pawned our wedding rings for $15 about once a week, and stood outside a Salvation Army shelter at 5:00 a.m. to get help with our utilities when they were cut off. I also had to take our daughter to the free clinic when she was sick. I had to learn how to support my family on next to nothing. I don't know how we survived. My husband graduated in 1997, and we moved back to California. I thought this was the beginning of better times. I found out I was pregnant. We lived with my mother and he went to work as a flight instructor. I was shocked to see his paycheck for a month's worth of instructing. At least I was working. He went to work out of state twice and then quit before the birth of our twins. He found work as an instructor in our town and we moved into a two bedroom apartment. I have bills that I owe for credit cards that I haven't paid on in eight years or more! I just didn't pay them. I had to make a choice as to which was more important, a roof over our heads and food in our bellies or a good credit rating. My husband finally has a job at a charter company, but he is still a few rungs from the top of the ladder. We bought a home last year (bad credit and all), and I still have those bills, but I will pay them when I am able to. I am so glad the flight instructing part of his ladder climb is over. This whole process has taken less time that I thought. It has been five years since he graduated. I know it sounds like a long time, but it just flew by. I just want to tell you that you are not alone. I also want to tell you DO NOT sell your home. I'm sure you know that living with family members when you have children is the worst! I will never do it again. Tell your husband that he needs to get a job (try Home Depot or KMart, anything for now) during the day, and fly after work to get his hours up. Or he can fly during the day and work at night. I don't know why he would want to buy his own airplane, but it's not a smart move. It won't make him any money. He needs to make his choices wisely, try to get his hours up, and get on a budget. It won't last forever. He just can't keep living beyond his means. He has to swallow his pride and do what he has to do for the family. Get food stamps if you have to. Hey, I looked at like this: I paid enough into the system, now it's my turn to use it! I am happy to be where we are right now. I have a home that is three times the size of the apartment we had, we own our cars, and we are both working. We're not rich by any means, but we are able to live comfortably now. My husband did a lot of growing up in the past few years, and now he is more focused on the future of the family. Yours can't just think about himself anymore, you have kids. It has to be all or nothing. I wish you well, HANG IN THERE, IT DOES GET BETTER.
Been there, done that, girfriend. I wanted to tell you our story, because I, too, have sacrificed:
In 1989, my husband started his flight training by paying on his own, but he ran out of money and was forced to stop. At this point, I thought it was just a passing phase or a hobby. When I was 3 months pregnant with our daughter, he went out of state to flight college, but came back about two months later. He worked at a home improvement store for a few years when he told me he wanted to continue his education. I stayed in California for a year while he went to school. My daughter and I finally moved there in 1995. My husband worked at various jobs (Home improvement store salesman, warehouseperson, carpenter's assistant, plumber's assistant), while I worked steadily at an office job. He would come home and tell me he'd quit his job because it conflicted with his school schedule. I would think, "here we go again." I was the sole supporter of the family for most of that time. During that time we were on foodstamps, and when those ran out, I accepted free food from a couple of the local charities, pawned our wedding rings for $15 about once a week, and stood outside a Salvation Army shelter at 5:00 a.m. to get help with our utilities when they were cut off. I also had to take our daughter to the free clinic when she was sick. I had to learn how to support my family on next to nothing. I don't know how we survived. My husband graduated in 1997, and we moved back to California. I thought this was the beginning of better times. I found out I was pregnant. We lived with my mother and he went to work as a flight instructor. I was shocked to see his paycheck for a month's worth of instructing. At least I was working. He went to work out of state twice and then quit before the birth of our twins. He found work as an instructor in our town and we moved into a two bedroom apartment. I have bills that I owe for credit cards that I haven't paid on in eight years or more! I just didn't pay them. I had to make a choice as to which was more important, a roof over our heads and food in our bellies or a good credit rating. My husband finally has a job at a charter company, but he is still a few rungs from the top of the ladder. We bought a home last year (bad credit and all), and I still have those bills, but I will pay them when I am able to. I am so glad the flight instructing part of his ladder climb is over. This whole process has taken less time that I thought. It has been five years since he graduated. I know it sounds like a long time, but it just flew by. I just want to tell you that you are not alone. I also want to tell you DO NOT sell your home. I'm sure you know that living with family members when you have children is the worst! I will never do it again. Tell your husband that he needs to get a job (try Home Depot or KMart, anything for now) during the day, and fly after work to get his hours up. Or he can fly during the day and work at night. I don't know why he would want to buy his own airplane, but it's not a smart move. It won't make him any money. He needs to make his choices wisely, try to get his hours up, and get on a budget. It won't last forever. He just can't keep living beyond his means. He has to swallow his pride and do what he has to do for the family. Get food stamps if you have to. Hey, I looked at like this: I paid enough into the system, now it's my turn to use it! I am happy to be where we are right now. I have a home that is three times the size of the apartment we had, we own our cars, and we are both working. We're not rich by any means, but we are able to live comfortably now. My husband did a lot of growing up in the past few years, and now he is more focused on the future of the family. Yours can't just think about himself anymore, you have kids. It has to be all or nothing. I wish you well, HANG IN THERE, IT DOES GET BETTER.
