Here is my entry to the ugly car game...
1984 Audi 5000S. I think it has about 200,000 miles on it, but I can't be sure because the odometer hasn't moved off of 136,299 since the day I bought it. The trunk doesn't open, and the outside front right door handle doesn't work. The right rear door didn't lock (until I borrowed a welder and tacked it shut). The rear window defroster is inop and the sunroof is sealed with silicon caulk. The left rear seat is mostly absent due to a small fire of unknown origin. The horn is broken, but the little electronic OAT gauge still works, as do most of the power windows. The exhaust is a homebrew invention of my own design. It starts every time and doesn't burn or lean any oil (Its true!).
When I got furloughed, I parked it at an FBO, and someone promptly broke into it. Not that there was anything worth taking.
I would take a nice moped in trade.
Fly safe.