Funny stuff

[Amish RakeFight]

NJ Winter Diary

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August 12 Moved to our new home in New Jersey. It is so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see snow covering them.

October 14 New Jersey is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful mountains and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

November 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

December 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snow ball fight (I won), and when the snow-plow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love New Jersey.

December 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snow-plow did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.

December 19 More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. ********************ing snow-plow!

December 22 More of that white ******************* fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snow-plow hides around the curve and waits until I'm shoveling the driveway. ***********************************!

December 25 Merry ********************ing Christmas! More friggen snow! If I ever get my hands on that sonof-a-bitch who drives the snow-plow I swear I'll kill the bastard! Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the ********************ing ice!

December 27 More white ******************** last night. Been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after that snow-plow goes through every time. Can't go anywhere - car's stuck in a mountain of white ********************. The weatherman says to expect another 10 " of the ******************** again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 " is?

December 28 The ********************ing weatherman was wrong. We got 34 " of that white ******************** this time. At this rate it won't melt before the summer. The snow- plow got stuck in the road and that bastard came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already after shoveling all the ******************** he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his ********************ing head.

January 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food. On the way back a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those ********************ing beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3 Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from that ********************ing salt they put all over the roads?

May 10 Moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken state of New Jersey.

 

[xkuzme1]

...

I donno if it caught me just right but I could not stop laughing. Laughing with tears actually.

 

[flyboyike]

I donno if it caught me just right but I could not stop laughing. Laughing with tears actually.

+1. I was on the floor.

 

[Colonel Savage]

Belinda has serious issues...

 

[Andy Neill]

A Week at the gym. *funny *

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you.

I took this as a challenge and was doing OK through Monday and Tuesday. But on Wednesday

The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.

I nearly lost it. You finally got me with

Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Thanks for the laugh.

 

[jonjuan]

don't hand me the m----- f----- barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

lolololol......