Funny stuff on the radio...

[Cessnut]

......

 

[Metro752]

aWESOME

Long, long ago, before most on this board were born, at Kennedy (JFK), the entire operation was (and still is) controlled as much or more by the Port Authority than by the FAA. There was at that time a couple on noise monitoring site, Test Able and Test Baker.Anyway, on this day BOAC (now British Airways), heavy with fuel and passengers blasted off in a 707 for Merry Old England. So heavy he couldn`t climb, making enough noise to raise the dead mobsters buried out in the mud flats. Tower called BOAC..."Speed Bird, you have violated Test Able"....The captain replied..."Tell it to the bloody queen".......

awesome

This was back when ASA and Delta were both big at DFW:
I've never flown out of DFW much, so I don't know how the airport is set up.
An ASA Brasilia taxiied out very heavy, and the tower asked them if they could do an intersection takeoff (the commuters regularly got these). The Brasilia responded "no, we require full length today".

A Delta widebody jumped in and chuckled "Hey Acey, a little heavy today are we?"

The ASA Brisilia quickly responded "Yeah, we've got your mother in the back"

all of em were pretty good, those two were my favorite

 

[V1Cutt]

A while back, runway 6 at TEB used to have a 3/4 mile landing vis minimum. I was following my buddy on vectors for the ILS 6 and the ATC communication went like this:

NY App: Freight Dog 123, Teterboro visibility is now one-half variable 3 quarters.

Freight Dog 123: Roger, I'll take the 3 quarters.

NY App: Freight Dog 123 maintain 2000 until established, cleared ILS 6 approach.

 

[kneeshoe]

Cessna: Approach, Cessna 123 is doing aerial photography, we'd like to work area number two.
Approach: You want to work area number two, then what would you like to do?
Cessna: We'd like to stay here for about ten minutes then work area one for about ten minutes.
Approach: So you want to do number one after you do number two?
Cessna: Yes, sir.
(long pause)
Approach: Well, that got a big laugh out of everybody here, you're approved as requested.

Nothing like good old toilet humor! :beer:

 

[Sticky]

A buddy of mine was flying up near Allentown, PA about 13 years ago doing some aerial survey work. He was working a big county project that entered Allentown's airspace on the south side.

Pilot: Allentown App, survey twin cessna 1234.
Female Controller: Twin Cessna calling Allentown, go ahead.
Pilot: Yes ma'am, I doing some aerial work 12 miles south and would like to enter your ARSA and slowly push my way up...aahh..to the north.
Female Controller: ......penetration approved.

 

[Flyin'Finn]

ATC: Alitalia 345 continue taxi holding position 26 South via Tango check for workers along taxiway
AZA: Ali345 Taxi 26 Left via Tango. Workers checked - all are working
---
ARN851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15."
Halifax Terminal (female): "Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06."
---
(busy) Moncton Center: "Speedbird 169 cleared direct Chibougamau"
BAW169: "I'm sorry, sir, can you repeat that?"
CZQM: "Speedbird 169 cleared direct Yankee Mike Tango"
BAW169: "Direct Yankee Mike Tango for Speedbird 169. What was that name again?"
CZQM: "It's called Chibougamau"
BAW169: "Would you say again, please?"
CZQM: "Chibougamau. I say again, Chibougamau!"
BAW169: "Oh, how quaint. What does it mean?"
CZQM: "It's eskimo for f--- off!"

Pilot: "Approach, Acme Flt 202, at 12,000' and 40 DME."
Approach: "Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'."
Pilot: "Approach, 202's unable that descent rate."
Approach: "What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?"
Pilot: "Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours."


Tower: "...and for your information, you were slightly to the left of the centerline on that approach."
Speedbird: "That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the right"


Pilot: "Approach, Federated 303's with at 8000' for vectors ILS, full stop.
Approach: "Unable Federated 303. The ILS is out of service."
Pilot: "We'll take the VOR then."
Approach: "Sir, the VOR's in alarm right now. Standby."
Pilot: "OK, guess it'll have to be the ADF then."
Approach: "303, unable the ADF right now for traffic saturation."
Pilot: "OK, approach. State my intentions."


Controller: "FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?"
Pilot: "A340 of course!"
Controller: "Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me a 1000 feet per minute, please?"


Controller: "CRX600, are you on course to SUL?"
Pilot: "More or less."
Controller: "So proceed a little bit more to SUL."

 

[A Squared]

I heard that a few years ago as well. Except when I heard it, it was a Delta crew and an AA crew.

Then I heard the story again but it was a Delta crew and a Southwest crew.

Then I heard the story again but it was a Delta crew and a Northwest crew.

Then I heard the story again but it was a Delta crew and a USAir crew.

At least the offending crew was always Delta!!

I've heard it with a USAF herc crew trying to discreetly tell a Lufthansa crew about thier gear pins.

 

[Midnight Flyer]

A friend of mine who flies for FedEx told me a funny one several years ago. He said a FedEx 727 and a Delta 727 were holding short on opposite sides of one of the runways at ATL. They had a short radio exchange on tower freq that went something like this.

FedEx: Delta XXX this is FedEx XXX, what is your company freq?
Delta: We can't give that out, we're professionals.
FedEx: Roger. Tower, tell the Delta professionals that their gear pins are still in.

Remember Delta guys, it wasn't me, I am just repeating the story. Please don't injure me.

Ha ha..that's the funniest. Here's the version I heard.

FedEx: Delta 123, this is FedEx 321, come up on 123.45
Delta: No, we don't chat on the radio like that, we're professionals.
FedEx: Roger. Tower, you might want to let the Delta professionals know that their gear pins are still in.

10 second pause

Delta: Tower, Delta 123 requesting taxi back to the gate


Funny how at the end, they had to humble themselves and taxi back. priceless

 

[retired guy]

Like I said, I heard that it was Mohawk and Eastern. BTW, I heard that story in October `66 when I went on the line at Delta. Before that it was probably the Wright Brothers talking to Glenn Curtiss.

 

[Midnight Flyer]

Like I said, I heard that it was Mohawk and Eastern. BTW, I heard that story in October `66 when I went on the line at Delta. Before that it was probably the Wright Brothers talking to Glenn Curtiss.

ha ha