Funny stuff on the radio...

[Flyin'Finn]

ATC: Alitalia 345 continue taxi holding position 26 South via Tango check for workers along taxiway
AZA: Ali345 Taxi 26 Left via Tango. Workers checked - all are working
---
ARN851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15."
Halifax Terminal (female): "Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06."
---
(busy) Moncton Center: "Speedbird 169 cleared direct Chibougamau"
BAW169: "I'm sorry, sir, can you repeat that?"
CZQM: "Speedbird 169 cleared direct Yankee Mike Tango"
BAW169: "Direct Yankee Mike Tango for Speedbird 169. What was that name again?"
CZQM: "It's called Chibougamau"
BAW169: "Would you say again, please?"
CZQM: "Chibougamau. I say again, Chibougamau!"
BAW169: "Oh, how quaint. What does it mean?"
CZQM: "It's eskimo for f--- off!"

Pilot: "Approach, Acme Flt 202, at 12,000' and 40 DME."
Approach: "Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'."
Pilot: "Approach, 202's unable that descent rate."
Approach: "What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?"
Pilot: "Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours."


Tower: "...and for your information, you were slightly to the left of the centerline on that approach."
Speedbird: "That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the right"


Pilot: "Approach, Federated 303's with at 8000' for vectors ILS, full stop.
Approach: "Unable Federated 303. The ILS is out of service."
Pilot: "We'll take the VOR then."
Approach: "Sir, the VOR's in alarm right now. Standby."
Pilot: "OK, guess it'll have to be the ADF then."
Approach: "303, unable the ADF right now for traffic saturation."
Pilot: "OK, approach. State my intentions."


Controller: "FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?"
Pilot: "A340 of course!"
Controller: "Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me a 1000 feet per minute, please?"


Controller: "CRX600, are you on course to SUL?"
Pilot: "More or less."
Controller: "So proceed a little bit more to SUL."

 

[A Squared]

I heard that a few years ago as well. Except when I heard it, it was a Delta crew and an AA crew.

Then I heard the story again but it was a Delta crew and a Southwest crew.

Then I heard the story again but it was a Delta crew and a Northwest crew.

Then I heard the story again but it was a Delta crew and a USAir crew.

At least the offending crew was always Delta!!

I've heard it with a USAF herc crew trying to discreetly tell a Lufthansa crew about thier gear pins.

 

[Midnight Flyer]

A friend of mine who flies for FedEx told me a funny one several years ago. He said a FedEx 727 and a Delta 727 were holding short on opposite sides of one of the runways at ATL. They had a short radio exchange on tower freq that went something like this.

FedEx: Delta XXX this is FedEx XXX, what is your company freq?
Delta: We can't give that out, we're professionals.
FedEx: Roger. Tower, tell the Delta professionals that their gear pins are still in.

Remember Delta guys, it wasn't me, I am just repeating the story. Please don't injure me.

Ha ha..that's the funniest. Here's the version I heard.

FedEx: Delta 123, this is FedEx 321, come up on 123.45
Delta: No, we don't chat on the radio like that, we're professionals.
FedEx: Roger. Tower, you might want to let the Delta professionals know that their gear pins are still in.

10 second pause

Delta: Tower, Delta 123 requesting taxi back to the gate


Funny how at the end, they had to humble themselves and taxi back. priceless

 

[retired guy]

Like I said, I heard that it was Mohawk and Eastern. BTW, I heard that story in October `66 when I went on the line at Delta. Before that it was probably the Wright Brothers talking to Glenn Curtiss.

 

[Midnight Flyer]

Like I said, I heard that it was Mohawk and Eastern. BTW, I heard that story in October `66 when I went on the line at Delta. Before that it was probably the Wright Brothers talking to Glenn Curtiss.

ha ha

 

[Amish RakeFight]

They keep the gear from retracting. So, off goes Delta, only to have to make an expensive return to the airport when their gear mysteriously won't come up.

Okay, so they're designed and installed to prevent inadvertent gear retraction on the ground then?

Ive heard that some pilots place them on the seat so as to feel them as they sit to confirm their removal.

 

[retired guy]

Well Amish, on my airline they were "Gear Pins" with a long(about 2 feet) red streamer attached to each one. The ramp guy that drives the tug unhooks the tug and then holds up the three pins to show you that they have been removed. When I flew fighters a long, long time ago, they actually had some sort of metal clamp contraption that went around each landing gear assembly. Never saw one on an airliner however.

 

[agpilot77]

Somewhere east of SAF on the east side of the mountains in "moderate" turbulence....

ATC: Everything below FL500 is going to be a rough ride.

Citation: ABQ center, what about the ride at 400-410, any smoother there?

ATC: As I said, everything below FL500 is going to be a rough ride and last I checked, that included 400 and 410.

 

[coloneldan]

I was coming home from Vegas a few weeks ago. In ABQ Center airspace a DHL flight checked on. The controller asked them what DHL stood for. He said it was the initials of the three guys who founded the company, but they called it Dooey, Huey, and Louie. Or Drugs, Handguns and Liquor.

 

[Dizel8]

Oldi but goodie, although not sure it is true:

Lufthansa is taxiing around at an airport, but stops on the taxiway.

Controller: "LH747, are you okay, do you need assistance"?
LH747:" No, we are okay, but we appear to be missing some passengers"!
Unknown voice: " Haf you checked zee ovens"!

Controller: "Cessna 123, say intentions"?
Studentpilot: " I want to be an airline pilot"!