Funny stuff on the radio...

[Way2Broke]

I've always heard the urban myth about the American Airlines (insert legacy carrier of your choice here) flight that landed in Germany.

They where told to taxi to the ramp and took a wrong turn. The controller came on all pissed off and said, whats wrong have you never been here before?

The captain responded with, "Once, in world war II, but it was dark and we didn't stop."

Also, the freight pilot that said "I'm freakin board" The center controller up on freq and asked "who said that?" The pilot responded, "I said I'm freakin board not freakin stupid."

OR

Going into ORD a pilot clicked the mike and said, "This is BS."
A controller responded back "Delta 3432 was that you with the BS?"
Delta 3432, "Negative BS"
Controller "northwest 9846 was that you with the BS?"
Northwest 9846, "Negative BS"
and it went on for a few minutes.

I hope I told those clean enough to not get in trouble by the moderators. If I didn't just let me know and I will edit them. At least I tried to be clean.

 

[bluefishbeagle]

LGA ground was very busy, non stop transmissions.... to the point that they were calling you before you had a chance to call them. They were barking at everyone and the penalty box was getting full.

"Lear xxxAB are you on frequency?"

Fearing the worse the pilot said. "Negitive"

Lots for laughter from ground control and after that they were much more pleasant.

 

[retired guy]

Long, long ago, before most on this board were born, at Kennedy (JFK), the entire operation was (and still is) controlled as much or more by the Port Authority than by the FAA. There was at that time a couple on noise monitoring site, Test Able and Test Baker.Anyway, on this day BOAC (now British Airways), heavy with fuel and passengers blasted off in a 707 for Merry Old England. So heavy he couldn`t climb, making enough noise to raise the dead mobsters buried out in the mud flats. Tower called BOAC..."Speed Bird, you have violated Test Able"....The captain replied..."Tell it to the bloody queen".......

 

[Midnight Flyer]

Heard about 10 years ago, several miles east of CMH......

Pilot (with thick accent)...Columbus Approach, Dirigible 1234

ATC...Aircraft calling Columbus, say again?

Pilot...Columbus Approach, this is Dirigible 1234

ATC...N1234, say again?

Pilot...This is Dirigible 1234

ATC...N1234. Say type aircraft?

Anonymous Voice...It's the Fuji Blimp, you a$$hole!

$hit thats hilarious!!:laugh:

 

[Lrjtcaptain]

Well the urban legend goes like this

Long departure delays out of LAX due to traffic not weather. Planes are burried deep down the taxiway and some how one of the planes pushes off the gate, takes a wrong turn and some how gets a head of about 20 planes. Smart A$$ pilot keys in and say "how do you like them apples." The line cutter assume position on the RWY gets cleared for takeoff. Starts his roll and hears a loud warning alarm. Aborts the takeoff clears the runway and has no clue what had happend. A few seconds later a pilot of another plane says, "how you like them apples." One of the waiting planes decided to broadcast over frequency a warning test We all know why!

MK

 

[payola]

Heard this one in Orlando a couple weeks ago:

Cessna: Approach, Cessna 123 is doing aerial photography, we'd like to work area number two.
Approach: You want to work area number two, then what would you like to do?
Cessna: We'd like to stay here for about ten minutes then work area one for about ten minutes.
Approach: So you want to do number one after you do number two?
Cessna: Yes, sir.
(long pause)
Approach: Well, that got a big laugh out of everybody here, you're approved as requested.

 

[Midnight Flyer]

This was back when ASA and Delta were both big at DFW:
I've never flown out of DFW much, so I don't know how the airport is set up.
An ASA Brasilia taxiied out very heavy, and the tower asked them if they could do an intersection takeoff (the commuters regularly got these). The Brasilia responded "no, we require full length today".

A Delta widebody jumped in and chuckled "Hey Acey, a little heavy today are we?"

The ASA Brisilia quickly responded "Yeah, we've got your mother in the back"

 

[CFIse]

.....

 

[urflyingme?!]

Here's a funny one
ME on the RADIO!



We had a guy with a slightly femine voice, and ATC at our small airoport would say , "Cleared to land , Ma'am."

 

[Draginass]

There are million dollar homes in Alabama??

No. For a million you get the doublewide, the lake, and all the tarpaper shacks along with the car repair shed, the SugarShack bar, whorehouse, moonshine still and fast car, and the Baptist Church.