Funny Dispatching Stories

[405]

I always liked the guys that complained about their release after they signed it and were blocked out. Sorry this isn't funny but it was always something I personally thought was funny.

 

[WalterSobchak]

I always liked the guys that complained about their release after they signed it and were blocked out. Sorry this isn't funny but it was always something I personally thought was funny.

Didn't happen to me, but...in the same vein...

Dispatcher on desk next to me the other night had a crew send an exceptionally nasty ACARS message, going on and on about his horrible planning of flight to a single-runway airport with a scheduled runway closure "right at their arrival time" and having "no additional fuel for diversion". The dispatcher messaged back that NOTAMs are in zulu time unless otherwise noted. He never heard a word back from that crew and they landed without incident.

That kind of thing...pilots that have no idea how to read NOTAMs or weather...seems to happen at least once a day.

 

[flyjumpseat]

Had this via ACARS a couple days ago...

"WHAT DOES AD ABN OTS MEAN"

 

[405]

That kind of thing...pilots that have no idea how to read NOTAMs or weather...seems to happen at least once a day.

Any sort of issue with us not being able to file flight plans for whatever reason seems to throw pilots and ATC into a meltdown too. God forbid anyone has to call Clearance Delivery or Ground to file a flight plan over the radio.

 

[Pull To Guns]

Any sort of issue with us not being able to file flight plans for whatever reason seems to throw pilots and ATC into a meltdown too. God forbid anyone has to call Clearance Delivery or Ground to file a flight plan over the radio.

A big AMEN to that! What did these guys do when they were flying C172's around?

Another classic is the one where the captain calls and says the date is wrong on the release, "It has tomorrows date on it". I have to explain that in Zulu time, it IS tomorrow! I used to have several of those a month.

 

[dispatchguy]

Had this via ACARS a couple days ago...

"WHAT DOES AD ABN OTS MEAN"

His response shouldve been - what does reasonable suspicion drug test mean; for notam meanings are just general airmanship - those crews must be playing with their x-box at the crewpad on their day off, not improving their skills...

 

[dispatchguy]

A big AMEN to that! What did these guys do when they were flying C172's around?

Notam - whats a notam - is that all that crap that prints after a TAF? But now that their in-and-out burger money is one the line, they need to...

 

[WalterSobchak]

Another classic is the one where the captain calls and says the date is wrong on the release, "It has tomorrows date on it". I have to explain that in Zulu time, it IS tomorrow! I used to have several of those a month.

I still get a handful of those a month. I also still get a few calls per month from a captain trying to argue with me that an alternate is not required for certain TAFs with longer duration TEMPOs calling for no ceiling when the main body is OVC003...then want to continue arguing when it has been explained to them in detail. My latest reponse to these is: "Sir, I see more than 50 of these per day, on more than 200 days per year. Have a little faith, please.".

Semi-related sidenote: Does anyone else love schooling pilots on basic application of exemption 3585 as much as I do? Everytime I have to use 3585 to dispatch to an airport, I pray to Raptor Jesus for that phone call. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

 

[dispatchguy]

Semi-related sidenote: Does anyone else love schooling pilots on basic application of exemption 3585 as much as I do? Everytime I have to use 3585 to dispatch to an airport, I pray to Raptor Jesus for that phone call. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

At a regional I was at a while back, we couldnt make reference to 3585 in the remark on the release - we had to refer to the specific chapter and page it was located - RLSD VIA FOM P 7-5, or something like that

 

[onewithwings]

Semi-related sidenote: Does anyone else love schooling pilots on basic application of exemption 3585 as much as I do? Everytime I have to use 3585 to dispatch to an airport, I pray to Raptor Jesus for that phone call. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

LOL...try re-educating them on CAT III alternate mins! That makes you want to pull their hair out.

I've had the following selcals from very senior captains:

"Why didn't you accomodate my take off alternate with extra fuel"?

"Would you please amend my reserve fuel, it doesn't look right...it's too much"?!