Friday Thread - Favorite Pilot Bloopers

[bigD]

I've always enjoyed watching a Cessna pivot around a forgotten tie down rope when attempting to taxi out of parking. I've seen this happen twice.

 

[flyer172r]

A few years ago in IND (not exactly a hard airport to navigate), a United 737 was trying to taxi to the gate when the controller called and said, "United 314...where are you going?" The pilot answered, "Uh, we don't know."

If they get lost in IND, I'd hate to see them try ORD

 

[Illini Pilot]

although i will sound like a flight team dork, back a few years ago at the national meet during one of the practice days:

they have a bunch of VFR checkpoints set up so everyone can flight a set route into MQY...a plane (callsign COWBOY ONE...you can guess the school) calls up and is totally confused. finally, the tower asks if they are on the left downwind for 18 and they respond "uh...Cowboy One is right downwind...looks like runway 20R." MQY tower immediately calls "COWBOY ONE YOU ARE OVER NASHVILLE...contact XXX.XX immediately!!!" Needless to say, when they got sorted out and sent back over to MQY tower for landing they were pretty sheepish sounding on the radio.

 

[RampFreeze]

In the days right after the 747 first came into service, (well before the 747-400) the USAF's C-5 Galaxy had a slight edge in max takeoff weight, wingspan, etc. over the 747-100. One day while a C-5 was taxiing out of the Hickam AFB ramp at Honolulu, the following conversation ensued as the C-5 and a 747 were converging on the same taxi route and ground control had not advised either of the airplanes to give way yet:

MAC XXX (the C-5): "Honolulu Ground, MAC XXX will give way to the little guy"

Airline XXX (the 747): "Thanks MAC, we'll continue taxiing"

MAC XXX: (in a smug voice as the "smaller" airplane passed by) "How much do you guys gross out at anyway?"

Airline XXX: "Well into the six figures per year, how about you?"

MAC XXX: (silence)
(as he looked at his pay statement detailing his gov't salary totaling 1/4 of the airline pilot's salary)

 

[Flying Illini]

U-I Pilot and I were loading up at MDW to return to CMI to complete a X/C requirement of his. We board and buckle up...or at least *I* buckled up. After an appropriate amount of time I looked to my left wondering why he hasn't started going through the checklist to get the plane started only to see that he still hasn't buckled up and is fussing with the seat belt. Turns out he spent what seemed like an eternity trying to put the "male" end of the seat belt latch into the rear end (absolutely no entry) of the "female" end of the latch. Of course he blamed me for this and he still holds a grudge to this day.
In his defense, it *was* dark outside...yet I managed to do just fine.

BTW~ You owe me a :beer: .

 

[bigD]

Turns out he spent what seemed like an eternity trying to put the "male" end of the seat belt latch into the rear end (absolutely no entry) of the "female" end of the latch. Of course he blamed me for this and he still holds a grudge to this day.

Look man, I've had a lot of margaritas tonight, so maybe I'm not in the right state of mind, but it seems to me that this incident is best kept between you and U-I pilot.

 

[Flying Illini]

Look man, I've had a lot of margaritas tonight, so maybe I'm not in the right state of mind, but it seems to me that this incident is best kept between you and U-I pilot.

No no, it's best that everyone hears about this because as soon as he gets something on me, you can bet that everyone will hear about it!

 

[Otter]

Lear 24 tail stand

Sitting the ramp at UPS during Xmas push many years ago, a group of us on the Lear ramp watch a Lear working for another brand taxi in after landing.

The ramp rat notices, along with all of us standing around that the Lear still has its tail stand on. The rampy asks the pilot as he exits, "hey does that thing extend after landing?".

Cooly, he doesnt even look back, but says, "yep, brand new feature."

 

[Hand Commander]

In my line attendant days, a customer said he needed fuel and went to get his plane out of a distant t-hanger. Next thing I hear as I'm getting the fuel truck ready is an airplane taxing with a loud clang, clang, clang noise. I look up to see this guy rolling in with the tow bar still attached, bouncing up and down right below the prop (it was a piper arrow). I was hoping it would bounce high enough to hit the prop and watch it sail down the ramp, but no such luck. Those that have and those that will.

 

[LegacyDriver]

HAHAHAHA HAND COMMANDER!


http://cgi.ebay.com/TONKA-HAND-COMMANDER-AIRPLANE-PLASTIC-1979_W0QQitemZ6980040329QQcategoryZ19029QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting

I forgot all about those!


http://cgi.ebay.com/TONKA-Hand-Commander-Airplane-Plastic-1979-Turbo-Prop_W0QQitemZ6980695285QQcategoryZ47221QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

 

[WrknStff]

Listening to the radio at Dothan airport in AL. A old helo pilot making the transition to the King Air request a Hover taxi for departure. Ground clears him to taxi as requested with an "I gotta see this one."

 

[OPECJet]

Worked for a small FBO when I was in college, run by an ex-Air Force guy who took no BS from anyone. He and I were shooting the breeze on one of those days where the weather sucks and the birds are walking when a guy who owned an old Mooney calls up complaining about dirt dobbers building a nest in his pitot tube. The Mooney owner was one of those guys who is a pest to anything in the airport or the sky, birds inculded.

I went to check it out and found nothing in the pitot tube at all, but decided I would be a good guy and give him a cover for it. I promptly went to the drugstore and bought some of those little tiny finger condoms, put one on the pitot tube, and hung a keychain with a "remove before flight" flag on it.

The moron actually thanked me the next week when he came out to fly, and kept using it for a while.

 

[Hand Commander]

http://cgi.ebay.com/TONKA-HAND-COMMANDER-AIRPLANE-PLASTIC-1979_W0QQitemZ6980040329QQcategoryZ19029QQssPageNa meZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting

I forgot all about those!

Yes, yes. My earliest exposure to aviation. Retractable gear and trigger actuated "turbo props". I've commanded by hand many, many times.

 

[imploded]

This has to be, oh, 5 years ago now?

I was working on my PPL, flying north of PSF and listening to ALB approach. Just burning holes in the sky, when the following exchange ensues (warning, years of life have blurred my exact memory):

Lear XXX: "Albany Approach, we seem to be having some problems with the TCAS"
Approach: "Lear XXX, understood, please state intent"
Lear XXX: "Albany Approach, can you vector us into some traffic? We'd like to test out the system"
Approach: "Lear XXX, unable"

without skipping a beat...

Challenger XXX: "Albany Approach, we seem to be having a problem with the GPWS, could you vector us into the nearest terrain?"

I nearly flooded my shorts.

Cheers,

-Andrew

 

[Corona]

This has to be, oh, 5 years ago now?

I was working on my PPL, flying north of PSF and listening to ALB approach. Just burning holes in the sky, when the following exchange ensues (warning, years of life have blurred my exact memory):

Lear XXX: "Albany Approach, we seem to be having some problems with the TCAS"
Approach: "Lear XXX, understood, please state intent"
Lear XXX: "Albany Approach, can you vector us into some traffic? We'd like to test out the system"
Approach: "Lear XXX, unable"

without skipping a beat...

Challenger XXX: "Albany Approach, we seem to be having a problem with the GPWS, could you vector us into the nearest terrain?"

I nearly flooded my shorts.

Cheers,

-Andrew

LMAO!

During my Commercial checkride, the DE and I heard the following:

"Tower, Cessna *****, just wondering why the fire truck is following me [down the taxiway]?

"Cessna *****, Tower, he's just doing airport orientation; it doesn't have anything to do with the way you were flying..."

C