fo needs advice

[learflyer]

The beechjet has the outflow valves in the cockpit floor. Just manually open those babies up alittle when someone farts.

 

[rumpletumbler]

He makes a special effort to fart and then he laughs like a jackass eating sawbriar like it's funny or something.

hahahaha.......thats an awesome descriiption!

 

[Fly BI]

I fly with one captain in particular whom I can't stand. I like to wait until he's asleep (normally after level off) and release the hounds! There's nothing funnier than watching a sleeping man make the bitter beer face, over and over and over....

 

[avpro91]

This guy sounds like a real jacka$$, just tell him to get over himself

 

[avpro91]

I too have has the misfortune of flying with an F/O that could not retain control of his faculties. I had no choice but to fill out a irregular ops report on him. I hated to do this, but it had to be done. Today this former F/O (who by the way, was one of the best I had ever flown with) dumps lav carts for a "Major" carrier. Some people just need to find themselves....

Captn- I hope you kidding bout that- I can't believe you'd write somebody up for that, you should be ashamed, I hope your CP got a good laugh when he read that! It crap like that which make guys bid away from capts like that.

 

[100LL... Again!]

since topgun might be a pft'er, i suggest that he does step outside to take care of his gas

especially if in flight

 

[vossdr1]

You could always blame it on the dog.

 

[skytrash]

Ok I'm in....
Although disturbing; absolutely, unconditionally one of the most humorous threads I have read. I don't care how old you are a fart is funny, they're like little timeless bubbles of humor. Although there is a time and place for it I don't trust anyone who doesn't find some humor in a discrete fart in a well ventilated area. Besides, it can't be healthy to hold them in!

 

[Dr Pokenhiemer]

My nurse let one go the other day in the Lear. He was in the back grinning from ear to ear. That was one anyone should be proud of. We didn't have a patient on board so I closed the H-valve for the rest of the trip. Payback is sweeeeet!

 

[aeronautic1]

Maverick?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't "MAV" sit up front, not to the right?

Breakfast burrito, extra frijoles please.

 

[AA717driver]

There's a guy in my department who actually tailors what he eats before a flight to maximize his output. The ones that bitch the loudest get the bean burritos!

I got him, though, I always "keep one in the breech" when I'm flying with him. It brought tears to his eyes and I achieved a whole new level of respect in the department. TC

 

[BigPappa]

Topgun-Mav, you must've SHARTED yourself if he had to write you up. You must not be willing to tell the whole story!

 

[aeronautic1]

Dude...

... it's not so much the smell; rather it's the burning of my eyes!!

 

[El Bucho]

Dude, there is nothing funnier than a round of fart tennis on the flight deck. Our best match we were both on the mask and then asked the FA to bring us some drinks. She refused to bring us anything because of what she could smell through the cockpit door. hahahaha, that and walking through the crew room with the remote control fart machine tucked in my pants. Very funny.

EB

 

[P3tarbaby]

Just say, "Bird away" and smile...then roll down the window...oh, sorry, that's what I do in the car...my kids think it is hilarious...wife, not so much...

 

[Birdstrike]

"..a fart is funny, they're like little timeless bubbles of humor...I don't trust anyone who doesn't find some humor in a discrete fart in a well ventilated area.

I totally agree. And there were studies done in Germany during Oktoberfest that proved that gas is a by-product that must be released for the body to function properly. Blocking release fouls the colostropic check valves resulting in skyrocketing blood pressure, severe abdominal cramping, and weight gain. For the sake of your own health, regardless of the incredible humor, you must release the pressure, man!

 

[WillFlyFoCookie]

This is the funniest thread I have ever seen! Farts are just funny to people of all ages and backgrounds. However, I'm not sure if women think it's funny. Has anyone ever witnessed a woman even crack a smile when farts are present? Or even better suspected a woman of actually letting one go? Do they do it at all? My wife and I are very open with each other but this is probably the one topic that is "off limits".

 

[Birdstrike]

However, I'm not sure if women think it's funny. Has anyone ever witnessed a woman even crack a smile when farts are present?

Never. Strictly a guy thing. Same as The Three Stooges. There are some things in life that women are just not meant to understand. Gas and slapstick are two good examples.

 

[Propsync]

Hmmmm....

Has anyone ever witnessed a woman even crack a smile when farts are present? Do they do it at all?

Yes and yes. Boy, do I love my wife. Now where did that rent check for the doublewide go?

Have fun with it, or you'll both blow up. You could always call it 'Disappearing artwork'. Someone else called it 'fart tennis,' that was f'in funny, man.

 

[TopGun-MAV]

i'm glad some people find my post funny. captains are conspiring against me and have said that if i pull amything with them that i will loose my job, and end my career. all my hard work down the drain. i fear that there is more then meets the eye and my career is nearing the end.

maverick(jet fo)

 

[guido411]

I'm not sure if women think it's funny. Has anyone ever witnessed a woman even crack a smile when farts are present? Or even better suspected a woman of actually letting one go? Do they do it at all? My wife and I are very open with each other but this is probably the one topic that is "off limits".

I'll never forget the first time I heard my wife "fluff", she laughed like a little girl and I smiled, thinking to myself, Dam, I married the right one." My wife and I are also very open with each other, even this subject is not iff limits. She doesn't even hit me anymore when I give her the ol' Dutch Oven!

Mav, if you're really serious about this thread, and I doubt that Captains are "conspiring against" you, then I'm sorry. But you can come fly with me and I'll go toe to toe with your sorry ass ANY day! Bring on the noise!

 

[FalconPilot69]

Pay Back

I was on an EMS flight when one of the medics let one go. It was beyond bad. To get him back, I went on cabin speaker, yelled fire in the hole and manually dumped the masks. Well worth the 45 minutes of repacking to see his expression. And no, there we no patients on board.

TopGun, sounds like you need to quote Robin Williams, " You are in more dire need of a B$*# Job then any white man in history."

I have to agree with others, this is one of the funniest postings I have ever read.

Stay safe

Falconpilot69

 

[lear35man]

TopGun, I would hate to see the $200,000+ that your daddy paid for you to go to "humpty diddle" all go down the drain because of your problem. Why don't you just quit flying these little jets and go over to UAL and fly one of their 777's for free. I believe you said in another thread that you already have all the 777 systems training, so you should be ready to go. I am sure they might let you fly one of their aircraft if you pay them $200 an hour for the opportunity. Their captains probably would overlook your physical ailment.
I love these threads.

(I just read in another thread that, if you are actually over the age of 13 and have an airline job, you claim to work for Mesa - need I say more.)

 

[T-prop]

Chill out, dipstick. I wouldn't want to live in a world where farts aren't funny. I doubt you haven't laughed at a fart recently.

 

[400A]

i'm glad some people find my post funny. captains are conspiring against me and have said that if i pull amything with them that i will loose my job, and end my career. all my hard work down the drain. i fear that there is more then meets the eye and my career is nearing the end.

maverick(jet fo)

I am always up for a good "FART GAME", I swear the guy I fly with is a toxic waste dump, but it sounds like you are doing something else that is pissing the Captains off.

You did not punch a grumpy in one of their flight bags did you?

 

[Swass]

I just let one go and my office walls are weeping.

 

[InTheGroove]

Best fart "strategery"

I've found it is best to wait for the F/A to bring some coffee to the cockpit, squeeze one out, then blame it on her. Don't forget to loudly exclaim, "Gas OK, check the oil."