Fast, neat, average...

[BeachBum]

This is classic.

Strange Note Brings Plane Back to Gate at Reagan
Updated: Thursday, Feb. 6, 2003 - 6:17 PM EST.


WASHINGTON - A bizarre note a passenger gave to a flight attendant forced a plane to return to the gate at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport on Thursday.
ATA Flight 295 to Chicago's Midway Airport had just pushed back and was taxiing toward the runway when a man passed the note - written on a napkin - which contained three words: fast, neat, average.

ATA spokeswoman Angela Thomas said the man asked that the note be given to the pilot, and it was. But the pilot had no idea what it meant, and a decision was made to return the plane with its 90 passengers and crew of six to the gate.

Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority Police were waiting and took the unidentified man into custody. After several hours of questioning and background checks, he was released, an MWAA spokeswoman said.

According to Thomas, the man claims to be an Air Force Academy cadet, and said the message on his note would have been understood by an Air Force pilot. The ATA pilot does not have military experience.

Several retired and current Air Force officers, including some with experience at the Air Force Academy, said they were unfamiliar with the term or its significance.

The flight eventually left one hour 15 minutes late, and arrived in Chicago without further incident.

Because of its proximity to the nation's capital, National was the last major airport to reopen following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. Although commercial service was gradually restored, general aviation remains suspended.

(Copyright 2003 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Note: This guy wasn't really a cadet. Just a cadet's neightbor.

 

[FastCargo]

Whatta...

...geek! Like I would want to think I was 'cool' by writing that note.

That being said, any USAFA grad knows what the heck 'fast, neat, average' means...I still remember that &%@&^$# form!

FastCargo

 

[DHPope93]

What's worse?

I'm trying to figure out what makes him more of a doofus:

1) Being a "poser" and using a USAFA term (to upgrade to 1st class?) when his only affiliation is being a neighbor to a cadet (although he apparently first said he was a cadet, which is an obvious, blatant lie, as most cadets will never volunteer info as to being a cadet, especially when the opposite sex is involved, but I digress), or

b) Passing a cryptic note at one of the more security-anal and paranoid airports/locations in the U.S, in a moving aerospace vehicle.

I wonder if the "former and current AF officers with AF Academy experience" actually had anything to do with the cadets. Anyway, now I can look forward to about a week's worth of Academy flashback nightmares (kind of like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) since I've spent too much time thinking about this doofus.

Peace,
DP

 

[LR25]

OK I'll bite, ............what does it mean????

I lived on a few Navy bases, but not AirForce, so I wouldnt know.

 

[Abe_Froman]

Here's an explanation

Not being an Academy guy myself, I had to look this one up.
This isn't an Air Force-wide thing, LR25, it's about one of those things an academy grad would say, "you just wouldn't understand." Whatever.

Oh, the games they play...

Strange note forces Washington, D.C. plane back to gate

WASHINGTON (AP) — A cryptic note a passenger gave to a flight attendant led the pilot to return to the gate at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport on Thursday.

ATA Flight 295 to Chicago's Midway Airport was taxiing toward the runway when a man passed the note — written on a napkin — which contained three words: "fast, neat, average."

Airline spokeswoman Angela Thomas said the man asked that the note be given to the pilot. But the pilot had no idea what it meant.

Airport police took the man into custody, but after several hours of questioning and background checks he was released, an airport spokeswoman said. The man was not identified. The flight left one hour 15 minutes late, and arrived in Chicago without further incident.

According to Thomas, the man initially claimed to be an Air Force Academy cadet, and said the message on his note would have been understood by an Air Force pilot. The ATA pilot did not have military experience.

Air Force Academy spokesman Lt. Greg Hignite said airline officials told him the man later said he was a neighbor of a cadet who attends the academy in Colorado Springs, Colo.

Air Force spokesman Capt. Peter Kerr said the expression is, in fact, part of academy lore and originates from a form that cadets must fill out to rate the quality of food and service at the campus dining hall. If the meal and service are adequate, the standard responses are "fast-neat-average, friendly-good-good."

According to legend, Kerr said, the same words were used during the Vietnam War as a challenge and response during rescue attempts in which a downed pilot was an academy graduate.

Before Sept. 11, 2001, cadets and graduates on commercial flights would sometimes write "fast-neat-average" on a napkin and ask a flight attendant to give it to the cockpit crew. The code words often brought an invitation to tour the cockpit or ride in the jump seat, Kerr said.

"It's certainly a regrettable misunderstanding, but it's something that cadets would normally do," Kerr said. "It is a common practice, or at least it was."

 

[AlbieF15]

I know the answer on this one, but HATE to spill the beans.

Zulu, Eagleflip...any zoomies...care to enlighten them or is this close hold?

 

[KC-10 Driver]

I was driving through the Holland Tunnel last night on my way home when WCBS news carried the story. At the very end of the report, the announcer said what was on the note, "Fast, Neat, Average", and stated his confusion over what those words could possibly mean.

I started to laugh so hard, I almost crashed into the side of the tunnel.


Albie, definitely not close hold. I've heard stories in the past (pre-9/11) about cadets passing a note to the cockpit with the words. But, I've never actually met anyone whe has done it (or admitted to doing it).

At best, it is a very nerdy thing to do -- especially for a non-cadet.

By the way, if memory serves, it was the USAFA Form O-96, and the correct responses were "Fast, Neat, Average, Friendly, Good, Good".

Some things you never forget.

 

[FastCargo]

NOOOO....

...not the Form O-96!! Please, not that....!

Woke up my crashpad roomies from laughing....

Fly safe!

FastCargo

 

[Hugh Jorgan]

welllllllll,
we're waiting.....

 

[LR25]

What will the military folks ever do with us civillians??????

Oh well, some has't to be underpriveledged.

 

[Mu2Driver]

From the inside....

From the Dungeons of the well lit Vandenberg Hall...at usafa
There have been several e-mails to/from the AOCs here requesting info on anybody from the Washington D.C. area. First asking if any of their cadets were from D.C. then they asked if they had any neighbors that they had told about this (Fast...Neat...Average) stuff. But luckly they couldn't kick anybody out over this incident...as that seems like that is all they want to do lately.

This whole thing is very stupid and only a true MORON would do something like this.
"Form O-96 for the Table Commendant please sir."
Fast.Neat. Average.Friendly.Good.Good.

God the nightmares are still presisting and I did this almost 3 years ago!!!

 

[Skyrunner]

STOP!!!!!!!

Please make it stop. There is no need to explain this. It doesn't really mean anything. It just brings up things that should be squished and stomped on. I can think of other ways to do what this kid wanted by not stating that retched remark. Schofield's quote, GO!!!!!

Regards,

SR

 

[fredflyer]

P.O.S.T.

 

[bigred]

Does anyone still have a dream where it's M40 and you've missed an English course for the whole semester? Usually my biggest concerns in this dream are how many tours I'm going to march and how I'm going to pass the final exam.

 

[BMD]

Goofy terms

It's no goofier than the USNA room inspection grade of "Shipshape and seamanlike." I always felt dirty reading that.

 

[Kaman]

Hi Guys,
I'm prior Navy enlisted, but went to military school for a couple of years and the school emulated Annapolis. Anyway, I can still remember the dreaded questions at mess:

1. How's the Cow?

2. How long have you been in the Navy?

I rememer the answer to the first question and a little of the second. And this was nearly 30 years ago! YIKES!

Regards,

ex-Navy rotorhead

Hey BMD,

Did Congress ever finally shutdown the USNA Dairy? As I recall this was one of Senator Proxmire's "Fleece Award" winners". for those wondering, USNA operates(-ed) their own dairy to supply the middies with dairy products.

 

[HPaul3]

Ummmm......

Hey, the kid was a geek for doing that. BUT.....

Please tell me I'm not the only one here who thinks the captain was a little uptight for taxiing back to the gate because SOMEONE PASSED HIM A NAPKIN WITH THREE WORDS ON IT.

I mean, really. What's next, a captain who taxis back to the gate because he finds porn pasted to the backside of a cockpit panel?

Aren't we all just losing our minds a little bit here?

Now give me a 16-count rifle movement while reciting John Stuart Mill's quote. And then do 20 four-count pushups. And pass me the Simichrome, I have to polish my window runners.

-HP

P.S. I heard folklore once that the Academy once wanted to do away with the venerated Form O-96, but the cadet wing revolted. I find that hard to believe, but I think it's still around!

 

[KC-10 Driver]

Since we're going into all this Academy lore, can someone please tell me after all these years what the heck MOCUS means?!!!

 

[Hugh Jorgan]

Yes, I have too much time on my hands

Since those in the know wouldn't say, I did a little google search. This is what I found. I can't vouch for it's accuracy.

"Air Force Triva"

In light of the recent note that brought back a plane from National here's some Air Force trivia for a change:

Form O-96 – This form is used by cadets at their table in Mitchell Hall to report on the quality of food and service. The real intent is to use the Form O-96 as a training aide to teach fourth classman how to fill out an Air Force form (black pen, within the space given); how to make corrections on a form (single line through and initials); how to properly make comments, including negative ones, on an official form; and how to follow procedures in a short period of time under pressure. USAFA folklore explains that the normal blocks to check if the meal and service were fine: fast-neat-average, friendly-good-good. These words were allegedly used in Vietnam as a challenge and response during a successful rescue attempt in which the downed pilot was a USAFA graduate, but did not remember the challenge/response for the day. Cadets and graduates on commercial flights have been known to write on a napkin “fast-neat-average” then ask a flight attendant to give it to the cockpit crew for the proper response.

 

[Abe_Froman]

Echo..... echo....

Interesting... Sounds exactly like what I posted.

Guess I should just edit out the boring parts next time.

 

[Hugh Jorgan]

De Ja Vu all over again

Yeah, good point. Sorry for being redundant again. After looking at your post, I see the explanation is there. As I recall when I read it last week, I got about halfway through it wondering why someone had reposted the original post. I now see that the second half contained the explanation. I'll be more careful next time. Aloha, HJ

 

[MsFan]

"Since we're going into all this Academy lore, can someone please tell me after all these years what the heck MOCUS means?!!!"

KC-10 Driver,
You had to have been a freshman in 11th Squadron to know what MOCUS is all about. I was in CS-11 as a freshman. So while intimately familiar with MOCUS, I unfortunately am not able to reveal what the secret is all about. Something you're kinda sworn to secrecy about under threat of death. OK, I'm joking about the death part. But we were told to keep our yaps shut for ever and ever, amen.

I have no idea whether they're still able to pull that stuff off back there, but the tradition was a very long one prior to me going through it in 1988.

 

[Draginass]

That was really stupid. Any zoombags out there thinking of doing the same thing . . . . keep in mind that you have an overwhelming chance that none of the the pilots are academy grads and they will have absolutely NO IDEA what that message means. Even I after a career in the USAF have no idea what it means.

Hence, you will be considered a threat at first and and sorry idiot obviously too dumb to be allowed anywhere near airplanes after the dust settles.

 

[NWA-AirGuard]

Draginass,
Please remember before you imply that academy guys are stupid or idiots, that it wasn't an academy grad or cadet who did it . Also, my dad and I are grads so I've known about academy stuff my whole life and I've never hear of anyone doing this. That includes the Vietnam situation.

 

[Eagleflip]

I'm not an Academy graduate.

I tried to get in, but they found out my parents were married....

 

[Draginass]

The salient point to this is that as a pax on an airliner, don't do anything weird, strange, or unusual. If you do, then the crew is going to have to assume you may be a threat. It's sad that it's come down to this, but we can thank the Islamic Terrorists and their supporters out there for it.

BTW, I'm not an USAFA grad either. I'd tell where I went to school, but I'd get buckets of s**t for it on this board, so I won't.

 

[Meister Brau]

The French Naval Academy?

 

[BobbyB]

In the Marines, you get MRE's and they could give a rat's a$$ if you like it or not. No AF form needed to get that info.