THE EARLY RETIREMENT SCHEME FOR PILOTS
Due to financial situation that our airline finds itself in after the tragic events of 9/11, the management has decided to implement a scheme to put all pilots over 50 on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Airline Pilots Early).
Pilots selected to be RAPED can apply to the management to be eligible for the SHAFT (Special Help After Retirement). Pilots who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme for Retired Early Workers). Pilots may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate.
Pilots who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Aircrew Income for
Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Pilots on Early
Severance). Obviously pilots who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SCREWED any further by management.
Pilots staying on will receive as much SH!T (Simulator High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SH!T it gives its crews. Should you feel that you do not receive enough sh!t please bring it to the attention of the Chief Pilot. He has been specially trained to give you all the sh!t you can handle.
Thank You and Happy Landings
Due to financial situation that our airline finds itself in after the tragic events of 9/11, the management has decided to implement a scheme to put all pilots over 50 on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Airline Pilots Early).
Pilots selected to be RAPED can apply to the management to be eligible for the SHAFT (Special Help After Retirement). Pilots who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme for Retired Early Workers). Pilots may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate.
Pilots who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Aircrew Income for
Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Pilots on Early
Severance). Obviously pilots who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SCREWED any further by management.
Pilots staying on will receive as much SH!T (Simulator High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SH!T it gives its crews. Should you feel that you do not receive enough sh!t please bring it to the attention of the Chief Pilot. He has been specially trained to give you all the sh!t you can handle.
Thank You and Happy Landings
