Dang, I knew I should have gone into the Navy

[Hovernut]

You know what they say - 100 men go down, 50 couples come up.

You should see what kind of party tricks I can do with my tongue now!

But humor is better when based in truth; here's an interesting story:
Going out on my second patrol, we nukes noticed the normally cypher-locked door to the Missile Control Center was now pinned open. Well, upon further inquiry, we discovered the missile girls on one of our sister boats had a circle-jerk party in there. That's nice to know that the trigger-men were practicing their own little "missile drills" underway! "Spin-up all tubes...weapons away!!"

'nother funny thing about it, my former boat is now being converted to a new class: SSGN. Instead of being able to deliver 24 mirved SLBMs, they'll be able to park off the enemy's coast and deliver 150 or so TLAM's. AND, they'll carry up to 50 SEALS, too. That'll be a nice b!tch ratio: 50 SEALS to 150 bubbleheads! What else can you do? They still won't let the gals on the boats!!

 

[Ty Webb]

Hmmmmm, I don't know what you mean, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to . . . .

 

[hoya saxa]

Sad but true

I'd laugh, if I wasn't crying from the truth of it... Oh wait, I'm out; NOW I can laugh!

 

[Jim]

When I was a P-3 Tactical Coordinator, I flew with a really good looking female Navigator. We had about 10 submarine enlisted guys onboard for a fam flight. One was a very young, effeminate guy. My Navigator looked him up and down and than asked, "Are you your boat's b!tch?". I thought he was going to cry. With a very hurt puppy dog look, he turned to the other sub sailors and whimpered "You guys promised not to tell". I never laughed so hard in my life.

 

[pilotyip]

Work in an air conditioned space 68F for eight hours, then go to your bedroom turn the temp up to 88F and lay nearly naked on your bunk trying to sleep. Then have your roomate who works in hot space like engineering turn the temp up to about 100 because the room is too cold, and he puts blacket around himself because he cold. Also put a uneven 1/4 steel plate outside your bedroom on top of another piece of steel and have someone roll a steel wheeled cart over the steel plate every 15 minutes.

 

[Gumby]

Oh My God, that is priceless...I'm crying, AND peeing at the same time!

 

[Webslinger]

Well said, I had forgotten what Navy life was like.....lol. Bitter-sweet memories.

 

[Hovernut]

Also put a uneven 1/4 steel plate outside your bedroom on top of another piece of steel and have someone roll a steel wheeled cart over the steel plate every 15 minutes.

It's wild to imagine nowadays the conditions under which we used to actually manage to rack out! My 1st patrol I was the junior man in the 9-man bunkroom (we slept between two missile tubes), so, I was 'awarded' one of the top bunks. It really wasn't all that bad...I had the musty towels hanging from the pipes just outside my curtain, but at least I didn't get attacked by the dust bunnies as on the bottom rack. The noisiest part (aside from the darned P-3 guys dropping sonbuoys and pinging us to no end) were all the joggers running around Missile Compartment 2nd Level. My level, the 3rd had an aisle going down the center, between the tubes. One level up, the 2nd, had aisles outboard the missile tubes, and thus the submerged 'jogging track!' Seventeen times around was a mile, so a marathoner would thump...thump..THUMP..THUMP..thump..thump all day long.

Evey once in a while you'd hear thump..thump..THUD..@#$%!!! as a newbie ran the track and dodged when he should've ducked. Lots of pipes/manifolds/cableways placed in strategic places to keep you on your toes.