Chuck Norris, Naval Aviator

[PimpJuice]

> Chuck Norris doesn't request clearances, he states intentions.
>
> Chuck Norris never gets vectors to final . . . final gets vectored to
> Chuck Norris.
>
> Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.
>
> Hijackers squawk 7400 when Chuck Norris is on board
>
> Chuck Norris doesn't use a radio. He just yells.
>
> A hung start is not a concern for Chuck Norris, he has always been hung.
>
> Chuck Norris once shot down three enemy aircraft with his blivet.
>
> If you ever lose sight of Chuck Norris, check your six o'clock.
>
> When Chuck Norris taxies onto the runway, incoming traffic is told to
> hold short
>
> Chuck Norris never "loses" altitude, he simply gets rid of it when he no
> longer has any use for it.
>
> A precautionary approach according to Chuck Norris is sneaking up on
> someone from behind right before he breaks their neck with a judo chop
>
> Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never
> dare get cross with Chuck Norris.
>
> Chuck Norris doesn't fly into headwinds...the wind is always running
> away from Chuck Norris.
>
> When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is
> never under pressure.
>
> When the BASH condition is Red, planes don't fly. When the BASH
> condition is Norris, birds don't fly.
>
> Chuck Norris does not have to worry about crashing into the ground. The
> ground will gladly get out of Chuck Norris' way.
>
> Chuck Norris has never had a midair collision, He has shot down any
> plane that has gotten within 10 miles
>
> When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris politely reminded the
> controller that Chuck Norris cannot be broken and proceeded with the
> straight in.
>
> Chuck Norris was taking the active runway and noticed the windsock was
> pointed in his direction. Chuck Norris calmly got out of his plane
> walked over to the windsock and obliterated it with a double roundhouse
> kick. No one points at Chuck Norris...no one.
>
> Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are
> flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.
>
> Chuck Norris doesn't shoot approaches...he kills them.
>
> Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck
> Norris
>
> Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists
> simultaneously
>
> Once, Chuck Norris was told to down one of his students. That student is
> still recovering from his injuries.
>
> Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris
> broke the sound barrier with his fist.
>
> Chuck Norris doesn't manage operational risk...he seeks it.
>
> An ejection seat is not safe until Chuck Norris gets out of it.
>
> Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist
> coming out of his radar screen.
>
> Chuck Norris has never had a successful recovery onboard a carrier; it
> is impossible to trap Chuck Norris
>
> Chuck Norris doesn't level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving
>
> Chuck Norris doesn't need crew rest...he never sleeps.
>
> Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance...once
>
> Shock and Awe are the names of Chuck Norris' legs
>
> Minimum Safe Altitudes do not apply when Chuck Norris is airborne, if
> you are in the air when Chuck Norris is flying you are never safe.
>
> Chuck Norris is never given the instructions "when able" . Chuck Norris
> is never unable to do anything.
>
> Favorable winds are always in the same direction as Chuck Norris' flight
> path
>
> Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to
> punch through them. He then got back in his plane and flew through the
> hole he just made.
>
> Chuck Norris has never had to adapt his eyes to the dark. His infrared
> vision is working perfectly fine.
>
> Chuck Norris was told he was number two for landing. He immediately went
> to guns and shot the preceding aircraft. Chuck Norris does not follow
> anyone.
>
> The Chuck Norris One STAR involves descending to 10000, turning to a
> heading of 150 for 34 NM, and then receiving a roundhouse kick to the
> sternum.
>
> It is not advisable to use your heads up display when flying with Chuck
> Norris, a round house kick to the face hurts a lot less with your head
> down.
>
> T-45 Anti Icing Capabilities: Pitot Heat, 5th Stage Bleed Air, Chuck
> Norris
>
> A permanent TFR surrounds Chuck Norris...no one is safe.
>
> Chuck Norris' aviators are mirrored, this is so you can see your
> expression the moment before he kicks your face in.
>
> Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late;
> you are already dead.
>
> A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.
>
> A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.
>
> Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: Chuck Norris
>
> If you become hypoxic during flight; apologize to Mr. Norris and ask him
> to remove his foot from your throat.
>
> Chuck Norris never turns up the volume on his radios, he tells everyone
> else to speak louder.
>
> Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.
>
> All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.
>
> Chuck Norris is the only person to graduate SERE School via
> correspondence.
>
> A sonic boom is the sound of Chuck Norris smacking you in the face
> telling you to slow the hell down.
>
> Chuck Norris isn't holding, he is circling above his victims.
>
> Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.
>
> On final, an LSO told Chuck Norris he was slow; that LSO never saw the
> ensuing eight kicks coming.
>
> The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris: 100% Chance of
> Pain
>
> Getting acute with Chuck Norris will be your last mistake.
>
> There is no need to use your rearview mirrors, rest assured; Chuck
> Norris will always be there.
>
> Violate the 12 hour bottle to throttle rule and Chuck Norris will
> enforce the 12 hour bottle to face rule.
>
> Chuck Norris has never missed a takeoff time, Chuck Norris never misses
> anything.
>
> No one knows what Chuck Norris' side number is, nobody has ever gotten
> that close.
>
> There are two kinds of fighter pilots: those who have not yet challenged
> Chuck Norris to a dog fight and those who have. Unfortunately, we have
> been unable to find any who have challenged him.

 

[Scrapdog]

Didn't know the T-45 produced enough power to have anti-ice in the first place.

 

[AdlerDriver]

I'm pretty sure I saw this in about 1988. It hasn't gotten any funnier since then.

I still can't figure out what a kung-fu actor/fitness machine salesman has to do with fighter aviation.

I know I'd be one surprised mo-fo if I checked my 6 and Charles was there - he'd have to be either in a parachute or falling because I'm pretty sure the dude can't fly a fighter.

 

[Deuce130]

Chuck Norris went TDY to the Virgin Islands once. Now they just call it the Islands.

 

[Dizel8]

I know I'd be one surprised mo-fo if I checked my 6 and Charles was there - he'd have to be either in a parachute or falling because I'm pretty sure the dude can't fly a fighter.

If he was there, you would never know and would certainly be unable to tell, since you would be Norrisized in an instant.

Chuck Norris once went to a Burger King, ordered a Big Mac and got one.

Never f*** with the Chuck.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

How about for the AF?? There is the Hof!

David Hasselhof doesn't wear an ascot. The ascot wears the Hof....




Maybe?







I don't know....

 

[stonewall]

What's an ascot?

 

[AdlerDriver]

What's an ascot?

Magnum,
It's what the Navy guys call a scarf when they are trying to give us sh!t.

No one in the AF calls them that.

BTW Rez - I've been in 6 F-15 squadrons in Europe and the U.S. - the last time I wore a scarf was about 1989 while I was still in the FTU (oh - sorry that's the RAG in Navyspeak). And that was just because I was still a stupid Lt and didn't know any better. (uh - I mean Ensign - I want to get my translation right).

How do those nifty "collar up" polo-shirts under the flight suit hold up day to day on the boat? At least you have some dual use clothing so you can maximize space in those crowded quarters.

 

[Oh-ryan]

Magnum,
It's what the Navy guys call a scarf when they are trying to give us sh!t.

No one in the AF calls them that.

BTW Rez - I've been in 6 F-15 squadrons in Europe and the U.S. - the last time I wore a scarf was about 1989 while I was still in the FTU (oh - sorry that's the RAG in Navyspeak). And that was just because I was still a stupid Lt and didn't know any better. (uh - I mean Ensign - I want to get my translation right).

How do those nifty "collar up" polo-shirts under the flight suit hold up day to day on the boat? At least you have some dual use clothing so you can maximize space in those crowded quarters.

Adler,

Navy has caught up with times. We no longer refer to it as the "RAG". I guess some PC admirals didn't think it sounded appropriate for our female counterparts to be walking around saying thinks like:

"I start the RAG next month"
or
"Man, the RAG sucks"
or
"My RAG was 2 weeks longer than most"
or
"I hate the RAG"

We've shifted to the more benign FRS (Fleet Replacement Squadron). Pretty lame if you ask me. Bring back the RAG!!!

PS
I like your scarves/ascots... goes well with a purse. As far as saving space in our lockers... you're right. I finally have enough room to put my lucky cowboy hat in there. I wear that thing to every mission brief and to every beach volleyball game.

 

[RogerMOSA]

Magnum,
It's what the Navy guys call a scarf when they are trying to give us sh!t.

No one in the AF calls them that.

BTW Rez - I've been in 6 F-15 squadrons in Europe and the U.S. - the last time I wore a scarf was about 1989 while I was still in the FTU (oh - sorry that's the RAG in Navyspeak).

But some still wear them. This one time, at "SandCamp(ok, DeigoGarcia)," we were in a combined mess facility(cafeteria) and a bunch of Buff guys roll in with pressed flt suits and ascots. So us Navy guys, always wanting to be like our AF brothers, grabbed the pastel colored table napkins and matched them ascot for ascot. A flustered Maj came over and demanded we take them off. Haha! Mom...!! The Navy guys are mocking us!!!!
We were "reprimanded" by our CO....I guess somebody tattle-taled up the chain of command. Classic.

RM