Any new airline jokes?

[Jeepman]

One day in class a verry excited Bobby told of his adventurous time riding in an airplane. "They even let me go into the cockpit", he stated excitedly.

His teacher Ms. Mesa promptly corrected him, "Bobby it is now called a flight deck ever since women have been airline pilots."

Bobby began to cry profusely and decided he would never be an airline pilot.

 

[FlyingDawg]

What's long and black and hangs in front of an a$$hole?


A pilot's tie!

 

[WrightAvia]

hahahahaha! good one.

 

[CaptainBrazilia]

oldy but goodie

What's the only thing separating alcoholics from nymphomaniacs?

The cockpit door.

 

[CF34-3B1]

A regional airline pilot dies, and goes to Heaven.

When he gets there, he sees a group of other regional pilots standing around in front of the Pearly Gates in uniform.

"We're waiting for our EFC time to get in." they tell him.

He joins the group and they spend time talking about airplanes, flying etc, waiting for their clearance.

Sometime later, a mainline pilot (insert the airline of your choice) walks past. He walks up to the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter bows to him, the Gates open, and the mainline pilot enters Heaven.

Seeing this appearant circumvention of seniority, the regional pilots elect a representative to speak to Saint Peter.

The representative explains to Saint Peter that the regional pilots have been waiting patiently as instructed, while the mainline pilot just strolled right in.

"Ohhhh, I see why you're concerned." Saint Peter replied. "But there's nothing out of order going on."

"You see, that wasn't a mainline pilot. That was God. He just thinks he's a mainline pilot."

 

[ALGFLYR]

What's the difference between a good flight attendant and a Great flight attendant?

A good flight attendant says "Good Morning Captain".

A great flight attendant says "It's Morning Captain".

 

[acaTerry]

OK, this is a bad one, so if you have thin skin, don't read it......

What is the difference between a FA and a washing machine?

A washing machine won't follow you around for a week if you leave your load in it

 

[Huck]

A guy walks into a bar near ORD with United coveralls on and is covered from head to toe in blue fluid. He stinks to high heaven, and the crowd parts as he walks to the bar.

The bartender gags as he gets him a beer. He says, "Man, why do you smell so bad?"

"Well, you know those jets out there on the airport? After they park them for the night, they lower me down into the waste tanks and I mop out the blue fluid."

The bartender says, "It's none of my business, but have you ever thought about another line of work?"

"What, and leave aviation?"

 

[Mike man]

What do KFC and a FA have in common?


Once you get past the breast and thighs all you have left is a greasy box to stick your bone in!

 

[CF34-3B1]

A guy walks into a bar carrying a cat, a shotgun and a bucket of s*it.

He sits at the bar and has a few drinks. Afterwards, he stands up, puts the bucket of s*it on the floor, and blasts it with the shotgun. The cat goes running out the door and he follows the cat.

The following week, the same guy returns, and does the exact same thing.

He repeats this for the next several weeks until the bartender stops him at the door the next time.

"What the heck are you doing anyway?" The bartender asks.

"I'm training to be an airline pilot." the guy says.

"Huh? How does what you're doing train you to be an airline pilot?"

"Well, I come in, have a few drinks, shoot the s*it, chase some pu$$y, and then take the rest of the week off."

 

[gopherflight]

Q: How do you know when the flight's half over?

A: The Capt. says, "Enough about me, tell me about you".


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three things you never want to hear in the cockpit:

1. The FE saying, " In my experience......"

2. The FO saying, "I've been thinking....."

3. The CA saying, "Hey, watch this....."

 

[dashtrasher]

What's the difference between a FA and a 747???


Not everyone has been in a 747.


____________________________________________________


What's the difference between a condom and a cockpit???


You can get only one dick in a condom.

 

[FL000]

Q: How do you know when the flight's half over?

A: The Capt. says, "Enough about me, tell me about you".

Q: how do you know when your date with a pilot is half over?

A: he says, "enough about flying, let's talk about me."

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riddle: You walk into a room and there are 100 people. One is a pilot. How do you know which one?







He'll tell you.

 

[mullet]

q: What do you call a US Airways FO?
a: Captain

 

[Tug Driver]

A mother and her son were flying ACA from MBS to ORD. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to go and ask the flight attendant. So, the little boy walked up the aisle and asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

He said that she had. With a clever grin, she said, "Tell your mother it's because ACA always pulls out on time.