Hilarious!!! -Problems with New OS "Upgrade": Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0

[atpcliff]

Hi!

This is NOT mine! Found in on pprune.org (like flightinfo.com, but for worldwide airlines, not just US).

HILARIOUS!!!

Posted by "Coded Messages":

A little off topic I know but...

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0in the background while attempting to run my other favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men often complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge, the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes Dear 2.7 to alleviate your program problems.

The best course of action is to enter the command C

APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! Wife 1.0 does come with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2

However, be very careful how you use these programs . Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support

cliff
YIP

 

[pilotpat]

Dude...that was f'ng classic! I wonder if I can show my Wife 1.0 this post without having to Defrag later tonight.

 

[AerroMatt]

Dude...that was f'ng classic! I wonder if I can show my Wife 1.0 this post without having to Defrag later tonight.

Make certain you have installed Yes Dear 2.7 and properly tested it before you download this message to Wife 1.0! Believe me, you will need it!

 

[pilotpat]

I did install Yes Dear 2.7 as a precaution, but after showing her the post, I thought I may have done something wrong as she had a blank screen. After a couple of tense seconds...wondering if she'd have to reboot, I got an error message saying the download contained a virus and was quarantined.

I'm writing this message from my laptop and I still think its funny!

 

[AerroMatt]

I did install Yes Dear 2.7 as a precaution, but after showing her the post, I thought I may have done something wrong as she had a blank screen. After a couple of tense seconds...wondering if she'd have to reboot, I got an error message saying the download contained a virus and was quarantined.

OMG, the dreaded Blue Screen of Death! All you can do now is attempt an emergency download of Flowers 2.1 as soon as possible. That will not be cheap at this time of night, but the longer you wait, the more likely you will have to resort to Diamonds 5.0 in order to have a successful restoration of Wife 1.0. Trust me, Diamonds 5.0 is a much more expensive program than Flowers 2.1!

Once Wife 1.0 has been somewhat restored by either Flowers 2.1 or Diamonds 5.0, be prepared to use the APOLOGIZE command an enormous number of times (as well as Yes Dear 2.7) over the next few days before Wife 1.0 settles back to normal.

After you get Wife 1.0 fully restored, I would recommend you update to Yes Dear 2.8, which has the nifty feature of an automatic APOLOGIZE command function that kicks in whenever Yes Dear 2.8 senses Wife 1.0 is becoming unstable. I've downloaded it myself, and it really helps during those certain periods (sic) of the month when Wife 1.0 is really unstable (seems to happen about every 28 days or so).

 

[capt. megadeth]

How about STOP LETTING THE PENIS DO THE THINKING FOR YOU 5.0 program? This should be done right after the Girlfriend program and before the JUST DON'T GET MARRIED 7.0 program.

 

[pilotpat]

How about STOP LETTING THE PENIS DO THE THINKING FOR YOU 5.0 program? This should be done right after the Girlfriend program and before the JUST DON'T GET MARRIED 7.0 program.

F'ng awesome!! Hahahaaaaaaaa :beer:

FWIW...this morning she booted up fine and her RAM showed no sign of fragmentation or spyware. I am gonna go to Best Buy though and see about upgrading her Terabytes.

 

[Amish RakeFight]

Saw that like 9 years ago in an email. Still funny.

 

[AerroMatt]

How about STOP LETTING THE PENIS DO THE THINKING FOR YOU 5.0 program? This should be done right after the Girlfriend program and before the JUST DON'T GET MARRIED 7.0 program.

Mega, the "STOP LETTING THE PENIS DO THE THINKING FOR YOU 5.0" is a subroutine of "Nag Nag 9.5". It cannot be installed in the main operating system because the main operating system IS the penis! JUST DON'T GET MARRIED 7.0 is an optional program (highly recommended by some), but as the original poster points out Wife 1.0 is is an OPERATING SYSTEM. you must install JUST DON'T GET MARRIED 7.0 before you install Wife 1.0. Once installed, Wife 1.0 will not allow JUST DON'T GET MARRIED 7.0 to be installed (see Manual/Alimony/Child Support in the help section of Wife 1.0 Manual).

And yeah Rake, I first saw this about 5 or 6 years ago. Thought it was a riot then and I still do! Hehe. Too bad I didn't follow the advice contained in it.:nuts:

 

[capt. megadeth]

You must install the JUST DON'T GET MARRIED 7.0 before upgrading to WIFE or you shall be doomed forever. Might as well get a new computer at that point. Tee hee

 

[JediNein]

I've downloaded it myself, and it really helps during those certain periods (sic) of the month when Wife 1.0 is really unstable (seems to happen about every 28 days or so).

CHOCOLATE 3.5 works very well under these circumstances, even better than FLOWERS 2.1. If the I M FAT subroutine activates, re-install and run LOVE U ANYWAYS, any version.

Please note that LOVE U and LOVE U ANYWAYS may take several installations and almost constant running to be most effective. Consider adding LOVE U to the startup directory, especially in years 3-5 of running WIFE 1.0 and the first six weeks of installing CHILD 1.5. LOVE U is also effective in preventing BOYFRIEND viruses from installing and crashing the operating system.

Consider that any upgrades to WIFE beyond 1.0 can be very expensive so it'll save on long term support and upgrades costs to keep WIFE 1.0 in the optimum condition.

 

[atpcliff]

Hi!

My Wife 1.0 broke hard, and couldn't be fixed. It turned out that a virus, Boyfriend 1.1.0, deleted it off my computer.

I was mad, but it turned out for the best, as I made a major upgrade to Wife 2.0.

I have been working very hard on optimizing Wife 2.0, and it is running FANTSTICALLY!!! It's way better than almost all other's Wife programs, and it just keeps getting better and better.

I run TONS of LuvU 1.0 (at least 10 times a day), and throw in plenty of Flowers 2.1 (a random schedule is best, and NEVER, EVER miss running this on Valentine's Day-I once ran a dozen copies of Flowers 2.1, 2.2 AND 2.3 all in ONE day). I also sometimes bring the Flowers 2.1 on my latptop in to my wife's office, along with Bakery Goodies 6.3.
CAUTION: Chocolate 3.5, may give Wife x.x the virus Migraines 7.7, If that is the case stick to Flowers 2.1.

It's also important, if you have a Kid 1.0, and even more so, additional programs, such as Kid 2.0, Kid 3.0, etc., to add-on Wife Support 5.0, where the Dad Instructions/Rules x.x repeats, exactly, all the instructions that the Wife Instructions/Rules x.x program gives to the Kid x.x programs.

Another very, very important program, ESPECIALLY if you have the Kid additions, is to keep up to date the Husband Housework 11.0 module. Some operators don't like this module (I don't), but running it whenever you're home does help tremendously to keep the Wife x.x running smoothly.

If you want a great Wife x.x, or Husband x.x on your computer, it is worth the effort to do lots of maintenance work to keep your computer virus and spyware free!

cliff
YIP

 

[AerroMatt]

Man, this is getting way too complicated! Kinda makes ya wonder why you upgraded in the first place.

I wonder if it'll be like this when I upgrade my puters to Windows Vista?

 

[atpcliff]

Hi!

I would STRONGLY, STRONGLY recommend NOT upgrading to Vista, and not buying a new computer with Vista on it.

Wait until Microsoft fixes more of the many problems with the system. THis is especially true for upgrades. 2.0 GB of RAM is reccommended for Vista by the PC magazines.

cliff
YIP

 

[AerroMatt]

Hi!

I would STRONGLY, STRONGLY recommend NOT upgrading to Vista, and not buying a new computer with Vista on it.

Wait until Microsoft fixes more of the many problems with the system. THis is especially true for upgrades. 2.0 GB of RAM is reccommended for Vista by the PC magazines.

cliff
YIP

Thanks for the advice, Cliff.

Now if only Microsoft could help me out sorting out all the problems I'm having with Wife 1.0...

 

[pilotpat]

atpcliff...my original Wife 1.0 had that same f'ng virus. Glad I didn't get it. Wife 2.0 is wayyyy better, but I didn't upgrade to Vista as it was still in a Beta Release. However, I also found a new spyware program called Killem.357 just in case of another incident with the Boyfriend 1.1.0 virus. I ran a test trial of that program and it totally obliterated KFED 1.5 in like a few milliseconds. It was awesome!

 

[capt. megadeth]

Awww, atpcliff.....I like you!

Hi!



I have been working very hard on optimizing Wife 2.0, and it is running FANTSTICALLY!!! It's way better than almost all other's Wife programs, and it just keeps getting better and better.

I run TONS of LuvU 1.0 (at least 10 times a day), and throw in plenty of Flowers 2.1 (a random schedule is best, and NEVER, EVER miss running this on Valentine's Day-I once ran a dozen copies of Flowers 2.1, 2.2 AND 2.3 all in ONE day). I also sometimes bring the Flowers 2.1 on my latptop in to my wife's office, along with Bakery Goodies 6.3.
CAUTION: Chocolate 3.5, may give Wife x.x the virus Migraines 7.7, If that is the case stick to Flowers 2.1.

It's also important, if you have a Kid 1.0, and even more so, additional programs, such as Kid 2.0, Kid 3.0, etc., to add-on Wife Support 5.0, where the Dad Instructions/Rules x.x repeats, exactly, all the instructions that the Wife Instructions/Rules x.x program gives to the Kid x.x programs.

Another very, very important program, ESPECIALLY if you have the Kid additions, is to keep up to date the Husband Housework 11.0 module. Some operators don't like this module (I don't), but running it whenever you're home does help tremendously to keep the Wife x.x running smoothly.

If you want a great Wife x.x, or Husband x.x on your computer, it is worth the effort to do lots of maintenance work to keep your computer virus and spyware free!

cliff
YIP

 

[climbhappy]

I have an old Mac with Blowjob 5.0 . it worked well with the Heels behind her ears 4.0 on the girlfriend 7.0 OS Can I install it with wife 1.0 PC ? or do I need to get a brand new hard on and use with dove soap 4.0?

 

[One Dot Low]

If all else fail, especially for those that keep crashing their systems while overseas, try the bootleg copy of GIRLFRIEND 7.0 from Hong Kong or Thailand. They are a lot cheaper and with proper partition, they will actually operate simultaneously with WIFE 1.0 without any conflict. Be warned however, a mis-programing that can cause the two programs to cross-talk will definitely crash the entire server. The only save that might rectified the problem is by immediately installing the CORVETTE 1.07

 

[pgcfii2002]

A good BACKHAND SLAP 3.0 works well when dealing with WIFE 1.0.......