lowecur
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2003
- Posts
- 2,317
This pretty much sums up the travel experience when the planes are full. Thank God the LF's average 65%.
Flying Southwest: The joys of Darwinist air travel
A Telegraph Column By Darren Garnick
Published: Thursday, Apr. 8, 2004
I believe in a meritocracy, so on the surface it seems like Southwest Airline’s first-come, first-served seating policy would be the fairest system imaginable. Lab rats are probably told the science experiments being performed on them are fair, too.
The difference between lab rats and Southwest passengers is that lab rats never get honey-roasted peanuts and shortbread cookies. In the true Southwest spirit, flight attendants should also start handing out copies of Charles Darwin’s “The Origin of Species.”
On an airplane, “survival of the fittest” means the weak creatures get stuck in the middle seats. Instead of assigning seats at the ticket counter, Southwest gives each passenger an “A,” “B” or “C” letter to determine who boards first.
Every airline, discount or not, is a petri dish of human selfishness - with passengers hipchecking one another to stuff their SUV-sized suitcases in the overhead bins - but the Southwest alphabet system brings out the worst in us.
If you are an “A,” no problem. Kick back and relax. You will not have to fight for a seat. If you are a “B” or, God forbid, a “C,” pretend that you are waiting in line for concert tickets - the night before the box office opens.
Oh yes, get used to standing for an hour or more. Because being at the end of the “B” line is just as bad as being at the front of the “C” line. If you are anywhere in the “C” line, you may as well crumple yourself into the fetal position to prepare your body for what’s to come.
As I mentioned, the system brings out the worst in us. It brings out the worst in me. Here’s my strategy should I get an “A” pass:
1. There are only two truly desirable seats on the plane - the window seats in the exit rows allow one passenger more elbow room and another person more leg room (you cannot have both, silly). Southwest nullified the advantage of the rest of its exit row seats by jamming in two rows where most airlines have one. If those prized seats are taken, go for an aisle or window anywhere else.
2. Once firmly planted in a window or aisle seat, plop your backpack down in the middle seat as if it has historical and religious claims to the territory.
3. Furrow your brow and bury your head in the newspaper. This accomplishes two purposes. The paper allows you to avoid eye contact with potential suitors for the seat - and the frown conveys the impression that you would be an unpleasant companion on the flight.
4. Should anyone break through your impenetrable shield of isolation and grumpiness, immediately switch gears and pleasantly say that of course the middle seat is available! After all, the next time you might be a “C” refugee.
Comfortable travel is the top prize on the Southwest roulette wheel, and if you have a connecting flight, it is very likely you’ll lose everything you’ve won.
Passengers on connecting flights cannot book their seating assignments until they arrive in the stopover city. Often a 10-minute delay anytime during the day means a “C” pass waiting for you when you land.
Welcome to Stress City, population you. Marketing analysts under any delusion that passengers flock to Southwest for any reason other than price should check out the faces in the “B” and “C” lines. You’ll see as many happy faces there as you would at the dog track. Psychiatrists could set up Lucy Van Pelt-style booths (“Peanuts”) in the terminals and never have to rely on fickle patient referrals again.
Here are two more Golden Rules about flying Southwest:
1. The baggage claim area and the connecting flight gate will be as far of a walk as mathematically possible. Southwest rents out the least convenient locations at the airport.
2. If there are two airports in a city, bet your bargain ticket that you will be hanging out in the crappy one.
Stress or no stress, Southwest is one of the few airlines to be prospering since Sept. 11. Its easygoing corporate culture - pilots joking over the intercom, etc. - is being celebrated on a TV reality series called “Airline.” And despite the cattle corral atmosphere at the gate, the cattle keep showing up.
Next time I fly, my wallet will probably force me right back in the herd.
Moo!
Flying Southwest: The joys of Darwinist air travel
A Telegraph Column By Darren Garnick
Published: Thursday, Apr. 8, 2004
I believe in a meritocracy, so on the surface it seems like Southwest Airline’s first-come, first-served seating policy would be the fairest system imaginable. Lab rats are probably told the science experiments being performed on them are fair, too.
The difference between lab rats and Southwest passengers is that lab rats never get honey-roasted peanuts and shortbread cookies. In the true Southwest spirit, flight attendants should also start handing out copies of Charles Darwin’s “The Origin of Species.”
On an airplane, “survival of the fittest” means the weak creatures get stuck in the middle seats. Instead of assigning seats at the ticket counter, Southwest gives each passenger an “A,” “B” or “C” letter to determine who boards first.
Every airline, discount or not, is a petri dish of human selfishness - with passengers hipchecking one another to stuff their SUV-sized suitcases in the overhead bins - but the Southwest alphabet system brings out the worst in us.
If you are an “A,” no problem. Kick back and relax. You will not have to fight for a seat. If you are a “B” or, God forbid, a “C,” pretend that you are waiting in line for concert tickets - the night before the box office opens.
Oh yes, get used to standing for an hour or more. Because being at the end of the “B” line is just as bad as being at the front of the “C” line. If you are anywhere in the “C” line, you may as well crumple yourself into the fetal position to prepare your body for what’s to come.
As I mentioned, the system brings out the worst in us. It brings out the worst in me. Here’s my strategy should I get an “A” pass:
1. There are only two truly desirable seats on the plane - the window seats in the exit rows allow one passenger more elbow room and another person more leg room (you cannot have both, silly). Southwest nullified the advantage of the rest of its exit row seats by jamming in two rows where most airlines have one. If those prized seats are taken, go for an aisle or window anywhere else.
2. Once firmly planted in a window or aisle seat, plop your backpack down in the middle seat as if it has historical and religious claims to the territory.
3. Furrow your brow and bury your head in the newspaper. This accomplishes two purposes. The paper allows you to avoid eye contact with potential suitors for the seat - and the frown conveys the impression that you would be an unpleasant companion on the flight.
4. Should anyone break through your impenetrable shield of isolation and grumpiness, immediately switch gears and pleasantly say that of course the middle seat is available! After all, the next time you might be a “C” refugee.
Comfortable travel is the top prize on the Southwest roulette wheel, and if you have a connecting flight, it is very likely you’ll lose everything you’ve won.
Passengers on connecting flights cannot book their seating assignments until they arrive in the stopover city. Often a 10-minute delay anytime during the day means a “C” pass waiting for you when you land.
Welcome to Stress City, population you. Marketing analysts under any delusion that passengers flock to Southwest for any reason other than price should check out the faces in the “B” and “C” lines. You’ll see as many happy faces there as you would at the dog track. Psychiatrists could set up Lucy Van Pelt-style booths (“Peanuts”) in the terminals and never have to rely on fickle patient referrals again.
Here are two more Golden Rules about flying Southwest:
1. The baggage claim area and the connecting flight gate will be as far of a walk as mathematically possible. Southwest rents out the least convenient locations at the airport.
2. If there are two airports in a city, bet your bargain ticket that you will be hanging out in the crappy one.
Stress or no stress, Southwest is one of the few airlines to be prospering since Sept. 11. Its easygoing corporate culture - pilots joking over the intercom, etc. - is being celebrated on a TV reality series called “Airline.” And despite the cattle corral atmosphere at the gate, the cattle keep showing up.
Next time I fly, my wallet will probably force me right back in the herd.
Moo!
