Ways to Piss Off TSA

[Russ]

I have about a two foot green somewhat realistic looking rubber snake crammed into one of the smaller compartments of my flight case. It is soo compressed in the pocket that when opened, it springs out. Just waiting for them to inspect. I know of no law against green rubber snakes. I just hope it doesn't get me a cavity search from some torqued off inspector.

 

[Jump This]

It can be easy or hard..

It's like anything else we do.. we can make it easy or hard. I always try to see if from their point of view. I personally can't imagine a worse job than dealing with the public, i.e. MORONS, all day long. I have plenty of strange crap in my carry-on, and when they get into it and make the inevitable remarks, I just tell 'em "Well you should see all the knives I took out already." I am not joking and they treat me fine.

I am in a relatively unpopulated area so maybe it's worse in big cities, but I have been in several of those lately too and I find a smile and some polite conversation makes their day a little easier. Do I like this crap? Hell no! But it's there, it's not going away, and they are people too. I have had them enthusiastically wish me a Happy Flight by the time I've gotten through the longer searches... even thanked me for doing my job when I was enroute to a bunch of fires. I just think being nice makes everyone's life a little easier. Seems like a simple concept.

 

[MarineGrunt]

Have you and your wife appeared on "jerry Springer"?

Yeah, how'd ya guess? It was the "Surprise! I'm a Mountain Dew junkie" episode. Or was it "My husband is a broke-a$$ flight instructor"........ hmm, maybe both.

 

[Tripower455]

I have about a two foot green somewhat realistic looking rubber snake crammed into one of the smaller compartments of my flight case. It is soo compressed in the pocket that when opened, it springs out. Just waiting for them to inspect. I know of no law against green rubber snakes. I just hope it doesn't get me a cavity search from some torqued off inspector.

LOL.......

Though I've never done it, I've considered taking an old nasty pair of skivvies, rubbing the better part of a Snickers bar on them, and placing it on top of my clothes in my roller bag. I would love to see the look on their faces when they opened up THAT!

I'll never do it.....I'll just keep on smiling and thinking nasty things as they are taking time from my life (that I'll never get back), pilfering small toiletries (that I'll never get back), damaging my laptop and pawing through my laundry and flight bag. I also won't mention how little sense it makes to do a bag dump on a fllight crewmember, when not minutes after doing so, he has complete control of an airliner, regardless of what was in his bag......... If it weren't such a serious issue, it would be funny.

 

[RichardFitzwell]

Though I've never done it, I've considered taking an old nasty pair of skivvies, rubbing the better part of a Snickers bar on them, and placing it on top of my clothes in my roller bag....

pilfering small toiletries (that I'll never get back)

That’ll show’em, huh Tripower. I’m sure they’ve seen way worse than you Snickers bar soiled underwear.

And your right, they risk loosing their jobs just to steal YOUR small toiletries. Yours are sooo much better than the other hundreds they see each day.

 

[Tripower455]

That’ll show’em, huh Tripower. I’m sure they’ve seen way worse than you Snickers bar soiled underwear.

I'm afraid that even another repeat of 9/11 wouldn't "show'em", since they've done little to prevent it from happening again. The snickers bar thing is my silly, instinctive reaction to an even sillier situation.

You are probably right, I'm sure that they've seen worse, but, if they didn't search my bag, then they wouldn't find the snickers surprise either.

And your right, they risk loosing their jobs just to steal YOUR small toiletries.

As far as I can tell, they are DOING their jobs by pilfering my toiletries and small tools. It's all part of the show. How would that be risking their jobs?

Yours are sooo much better than the other hundreds they see each day

They may not be any better, but taking them from me has provided a 0% increase in airliner security. Heck, I had to speak to 2 tsA supervisors a year or so ago in order to be allowed to bring my FAA required flashlight through in Portland. It's almost surreal.

 

[katanabob]

Heck, I had to speak to 2 tsA supervisors a year or so ago in order to be allowed to bring my FAA required flashlight through in Portland. It's almost surreal.

Yes, I go through this at least once a month. Am I the only pilot who carries a D-cell MagLite in my nav bag?

Someone also mentioned laptop damage. They have dropped mine twice now, completely shattering one corner the first time and rendering the computer completely useless the second. Their response? "Oh, it was like that already."

 

[RichardFitzwell]

They may not be any better, but taking them from me has provided a 0% increase in airliner security.

Could you please post where you get this 'factual data.' How do you know what has increased airliner security?

If an attempt to take over an airliner is foiled, you will never hear about it. The TSA has a thankless job and we will only hear about their mistakes.

 

[Tripower455]

Could you please post where you get this 'factual data.' How do you know what has increased airliner security?

I can state fact that pilfering MY (or any other pilot's) small tools and toiletries have not increased security one bit, since I have taken over an airplane, after being screened, just about every time I've been to work (even without my eyeglass screwdriver) since 1988!

If an attempt to take over an airliner is foiled, you will never hear about it.

Post your "factual data" proving this statement. IMHO, they will shout it from the rooftops if it ever happens.

The TSA has a thankless job and we will only hear about their mistakes.

I don't blame the tsA workers at the airport for doing their jobs, as they don't make the idiotic policies, they just enforce them. We allowed this nonsense to begin back in '88, after PSA 1771. It was an eyewash show then, and still is now. They are less concerned with increased security than they are with the appearance of increased "security".

As long as entry level employees are coming through the back door unchecked, there is little reason to send pilots through passenger screening.

P.S. There are only 2 reasons why a "Richard Fits Well" and neither of them are good.......

 

[kevdog]

I think duct-tape and a few people with strong fighting skills could easily result in the hijacking of a commercial airliner (just to give one example). Not to give anyone ideas, but TSA is not going to stop something like this example from happening. The passengers onboard are more likely to prevent another hijacking from occurring. Or if it comes to it, an F-16.

I'm sure glad the airports have replaced those dangerous metal butter knives with plastic ones, not that the metal forks couldn't do as much damage, nonetheless the crash axe onboard.

 

[kevdog]

I don't blame the tsA workers at the airport for doing their jobs, as they don't make the idiotic policies, they just enforce them. We allowed this nonsense to begin back in '88, after PSA 1771. It was an eyewash show then, and still is now. They are less concerned with increased security than they are with the appearance of increased "security".

I agree, it's not the screeners fault - so try to be as nice as possible to them.

 

[RichardFitzwell]

P.S. There are only 2 reasons why a "Richard Fits Well" and neither of them are good.......

Say what you want about the TSA but making fun of my given name starts to get personnel! Let’s fight.

 

[Tripower455]

Say what you want about the TSA but making fun of my given name starts to get personnel! Let’s fight.

LOL!