Tough situation, please help!!

[Speedtree]

I would offer a different view. I believe you get out of a marriage what you put into it. She should be your number one priority. (you should be hers as well but that's her side of the story). I believe you will be happiest loving a wife who loves you back. I would rather have a crappy job and the wife I have now than a dream job and somebody else, or no mate at all.

Now for the airline stuff. I am a corporate pilot waiting on a call from the airlines. Yes you will be gone a lot but you will also be home a lot. Keep in mind that other jobs require lots of dedication and time spent at work. The guys we fly all across the country for days at a time are gone from their families just as long as I am. Which is worse, being gone for three days and home for four, or working 8-8 at the office five days a week. It's hard at the beginning but worth it in the end in my opinion. When I'm home for too long my wife gets sick of me just hanging around driving her crazy and asks me if I don't have a trip to fly or something. It's not so bad really.

and there you go.

 

[flyboysgal]

... not to BE Dr. Laura... but...

That is my point.

Both of you are as good as what you put into the marriage. If one of you is doing more than they should, they will either tire out or want out.
Be sure you both are as committied to the other's real dreams, not just clear on the inconvenience. I call it the n words. If you can see clearly what you doN't want caN't do etc, you are missing the do and can. If she has a clear vision of YOU she should have a clear vision of herself. It is give and recieve, not give and take or give and sacrifice. If you are both in it to make everyone happy, you end up with the relationship above. That means two people with secure love, not neurotic attachments, and that comes by knowing your self and putting the relationship above the individual.

If you can't live without her, you will probably have a hard time living WITH her. That is a lot of responsibility for one person. Time will mellow the relationship. IT WILL. It will change for the better or the worse, but as individuals, neither will be happy about what they gave up, unless they got something really good or better. If she is filling up the hole flying would make, when she decides to go get a life, you will still love her, but what do you do with all that free time? Share your lives, try not to be in a position where a resentment can show up later.
FLYING OR NO FLYING... Since I have always sacrificed, no matter who, this guy is so much better as a mate when he is on HIS track in life and not trying to do it FOR me. And I am flying in my own stuff knowing he is happy doing his.

makng any sense? Nobody here is going to flip the coin for you. But they all will tell you how the divorce came about and what it is their wife held together. Partners is best.

bye again

 

[Draginass]

An airline job will almost certainly will keep you away from home for extended periods. Count on it. Add to that the fact that you'll be working with other female pilots, flight attendants, etc on overnight trips . . . . . In my experience, trust and the ability to get along self-sufficiently are essential qualitites for a pilot's spouse. I think it is VERY important that your spouse has somewhat of a "life" (job, hobbies, friends, interests) of their own as well and not tie every breathing moment to you. That advice has served me well over 20 years of being married to the same great gal over careers in both the military and commercial airlines.

 

[C172Guy]

Thank you.

Thank you indeed for all of your responses. I got a wide array of feedback, some negative, some positive. I was able to realize that it is no joy ride to keep a marriage going with a job like a pilot. However, I have decided that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work out. It will definitely be worth it in the end, it it does. I've started a couple more threads with some other questions that I've got. If you could take a look at those and help me out, I'd appreciate it. Or keep posting about this one. I'll never stop taking advice. Thank you.