Touche, mate.

Hand Commander

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:D
Problem And Solution
All in A Day's Work

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.​

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.)​

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.​

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.​

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.​

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.​

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.​

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.​

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.​

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.​

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.​

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.​

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.​

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.​

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.​

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.​

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget​
 

HMR

I Live by the River.
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Things you can be sure of:

Death

Taxes

Someone posting this same Quantas "gripe" list at least once a year.
 

Hand Commander

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hee hee. I knew it. Eventually I was going to be "that guy". Oh, well. Onward and upward.
 

FL420

Blues vs. Birds-Tailhook
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Hand Commander said:
:D
P: Target radar hums.​

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


And which Quantas airliners come equipped with a target radar?
 

mudkow60

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Yeah... I always heard those were Navy or Air Force gripes.


We actually had one written up by the XO- the problem solution solver was nameless


P: Seat Cushion smells excessively
S: Removed the XO from the helicopter. Cushion smells fine.
 

Kenny

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Guys, please it's QANTAS.

As in Queensland and Northern Territories Air Services.
 

HMR

I Live by the River.
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Ohhhhhhhh...

Kenny said:
Guys, please it's QANTAS.

As in Queensland and Northern Territories Air Services.
I thought it was still Queensland, Utah, and Northern Territories Air Service? Did SkyWest kick them out of Utah?
 

Kenny

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HMR said:
I thought it was still Queensland, Utah, and Northern Territories Air Service? Did SkyWest kick them out of Utah?

Thankfully No, the Skywest quest for world domination is still limited to the borders of the US.
 
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