To honor the recent passing of Len Morgan I thought I would post an excerpt from his chapter called The Rules in his book: View from the Cockpit.
I thought we could use some humor in the mess of everything going on right now.
The Rules:
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous
An airline pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he’s flying, and airplanes when he’s with a woman
Clocks lie; an 18 hour layover passes much quicker than an 8-hour leg.
A grease-job landing is 50 percent luck; two in a row are entirely luck; three in a row and someone’s lying.
The friendliest stewardesses are those on the trip back home.
There are four ways to fly: the right way, the wrong way, the company way, and the captain’s way. Only one counts.
Jokes told by flight engineers are ignored; copilot jokes draw smiles; captain jokes send copilots and engineers into hysterics – none of which proves who tells the funniest jokes.
A captain with little confidence in his crew usually has little in himself.
The owner’s guide that comes with a $500 refrigerator makes more sense than the one that comes with a $50 million airliner.
If it doesn’t work, rename it. If that doesn’t help, the new name isn’t long enough.
If an earthquake opened a 10-foot fissure in the runway that caused a landing mishap, the NTSB would blame it on pilot error.
A good check ride in the a flight simulator is like a successful appendectomy on a cadaver.
Out on the line, all the girls are looking for husbands and all the husbands are looking for girls.
The level at which turbulence will be encountered is readily determined using the formula: assigned cruising altitude minus 500 feet.
The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as a copilot is a copilot who once flew as a captain.
Every ground school class includes one ass who, at 5 minutes before 5, asks a question requiring a 20-minute explanation.
Only one thing is thinner than the ham in an airport ham sandwich. The cheese in an airport ham sandwich.
A crew scheduler is the sort who would wake his wife at midnight and order her to carry out the garbage. Then send her back for the cat.
Anyone can fly trips, but it takes a genius to bid trips.
The pilot who plays banker when settling the tab for a crew dinner will come out six dollars short – and be expected to leave the tip.
The hotter the layover date, the greater the chances of arriving four hours late.
A good captain and copilot go hand in hand – but not through the terminal lobby.
I thought we could use some humor in the mess of everything going on right now.
The Rules:
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous
An airline pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he’s flying, and airplanes when he’s with a woman
Clocks lie; an 18 hour layover passes much quicker than an 8-hour leg.
A grease-job landing is 50 percent luck; two in a row are entirely luck; three in a row and someone’s lying.
The friendliest stewardesses are those on the trip back home.
There are four ways to fly: the right way, the wrong way, the company way, and the captain’s way. Only one counts.
Jokes told by flight engineers are ignored; copilot jokes draw smiles; captain jokes send copilots and engineers into hysterics – none of which proves who tells the funniest jokes.
A captain with little confidence in his crew usually has little in himself.
The owner’s guide that comes with a $500 refrigerator makes more sense than the one that comes with a $50 million airliner.
If it doesn’t work, rename it. If that doesn’t help, the new name isn’t long enough.
If an earthquake opened a 10-foot fissure in the runway that caused a landing mishap, the NTSB would blame it on pilot error.
A good check ride in the a flight simulator is like a successful appendectomy on a cadaver.
Out on the line, all the girls are looking for husbands and all the husbands are looking for girls.
The level at which turbulence will be encountered is readily determined using the formula: assigned cruising altitude minus 500 feet.
The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as a copilot is a copilot who once flew as a captain.
Every ground school class includes one ass who, at 5 minutes before 5, asks a question requiring a 20-minute explanation.
Only one thing is thinner than the ham in an airport ham sandwich. The cheese in an airport ham sandwich.
A crew scheduler is the sort who would wake his wife at midnight and order her to carry out the garbage. Then send her back for the cat.
Anyone can fly trips, but it takes a genius to bid trips.
The pilot who plays banker when settling the tab for a crew dinner will come out six dollars short – and be expected to leave the tip.
The hotter the layover date, the greater the chances of arriving four hours late.
A good captain and copilot go hand in hand – but not through the terminal lobby.
