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SWA-Critter The movie coming to a screen near you!

400ADude

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Like many, I've gotten sick and tired of reading about and thinking about this Airtran acquisition. So I've spent some time pursuing an artistic venture to take the edge off of some of the anxiety. I've completed the first scene of a screenplay that I hope can generate some notice from a Hollywood producer (turns out a lucrative second career may come in handy.)

So without further ado, here's the working draft of my screenplay, inspired by possible SLI solutions bandied about recently by industry experts, forum participants, and SWAPA presidential candidates. Enjoy!


SWA-Airtran: The Movie!

FADE IN:
MUSIC CUE: "DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY" by Bobby McFerrin plays as we fade into:

INT. COCKPIT OF N342SW – EARLY MORNING, WINTER 2012
Tight shot on JOHN SOUTHWEST: forties, dressed in a pilot uniform with three striped epaulets. He looks straight ahead with a somber expression, examining his trip sheet and monthly schedule as he commences a pairing.
The camera pulls back to tight shot on BILL TRANNY: mid-thirties with four striped epaulets. He too is studying his trip sheet/schedule; however, his expression is one of pure joy.

Both men are very similar. Mostly likeable guys. Average pilots (although they both think they’re above average).

First set of lines from both characters are unspoken thoughts narrated by the actors.

JOHN SOUTHWEST
(thinking, as he studies the trip sheet)​
Oh beautiful! A trip with a 93,000 number Captain. And in a Classic, too! Another stint as a freaking T-737-300 IP. And lots of crappy weather this trip. I think I’ll totally do a John Candy and tell him that it’s actually the FO who is required to land below 4000 RVR.
BILL TRANNY
(thinking, as he studies the trip sheet)​
Wait a minute! Do you mean I multiply this bottom number by $175!? No way!! What is 19.5 times $175 anyways? (types into iPhone calculator) Holy crap! That can’t possibly be right! Wow!
JOHN SOUTHWEST
(thinking)​
I wonder if the “costs associated with recent acquisition of Airtran” count against our frigging 1% profitability raise. Never mind, I don’t want to know.
BILL TRANNY
(thinking)​
Man, look at these hotels!!! Hilton. Hyatt. Not a single Red Roof Inn this entire trip! This is like a vacation!
JOHN SOUTHWEST
(thinking)​
Well, at least I got the 1-2-3 to help me through. (glances at trip sheet) Oh fercrissakes: Boston tonight! (sighs)
BILL TRANNY
(peruses monthly schedule, then, thinking)​
I can’t believe I get four days off after this trip. And 18 days off for the month! I’m used to 11 days off on a good month. This is awesome.
JOHN SOUTHWEST
(peruses monthly schedule, then, thinking)​
Crap. I gotta fly this trip, then only four days off, then I have to come back to this f-ing place for another pairing.
BILL TRANNY
(glances over at John, then, thinking)​
Looks like I’m getting the silent treatment from another uppity SWA FO. He probably thinks HE should be in this seat. Preposterous. I’ve come too far for that: I’ve survived crappy wages and even worse benefits, a terrible working environment, a horrendously confrontational management, flirtation with liquidation during the 2007 energy crunch, six years of contentious contract negotiations, and the very real specter of a strike action against Airtran. I deserve this!
JOHN SOUTHWEST
(glances over at Bill, then, thinking)​
How did this dude outflank me to the left seat? Man, that SLI with the “two-staple solution” really screwed me. Or was the ultimate negotiated solution some ratio of relative seniority? Or was it DOH? Man, I’ve been drinking so heavily this past year that I honestly can’t remember how it turned out.

CUT TO:
FLASHBACK: DECEMBER 2004, SOUTHWEST AIRLINES HEADQUARTERS

JOHN SOUTHWEST and BILL TRANNY are stepping off the Renaissance Hotel van for their pilot interviews at Southwest Airlines. Each tips the driver $10 (rumors at the time indicated hotel van drivers were queried by the interview team about the candidates). The two men enter the building, then return hours later.

CUT TO: BILL TRANNY’s mailbox, January 2005.
BILL TRANNY receives a letter that causes him to double over in anguish. After recovering, he kicks his dog.

BACK TO COCKPIT SCENE:
JOHN SOUTHWEST
(glances over at Bill Tranny again, then speaks)​
Don’t I know you from somewhere?
BILL TRANNY​
I don’t know. Maybe the pilot lounge?
JOHN SOUTHWEST​
No, you look really familiar. (pauses) Hey, I know…weren’t you the Airtran Captain in my interview group for Southwest?
BILL TRANNY​
I don’t know…when did you interview?
JOHN SOUTHWEST​
December, 2004.
BILL TRANNY​
Hey…yeah! Now I remember! Bill Tranny-great to see you again.
JOHN SOUTHWEST​
You’ve got to be effing kidding me. You didn’t get hired that day, I got the job, but now here we are in a Southwest cockpit and I’m slinging gear for you? Really?
BILL TRANNY​
Well, you need to understand about all value the pilots of Airtran brought to the table blah blah blah… (monologue becomes more unintelligible with each word).
JOHN SOUTHWEST​
I don’t know if I’m a big enough person to deal with this.
BILL TRANNY​
I know it may not seem like it now, but this is going to be a good deal for you. Trust me, I’m senior to you and know more about these things.
JOHN SOUTHWEST​
Yeah. I’ve heard that one before.
BILL TRANNY​
Well great! How `bout the Before Start Originating Checklist?


SCENE 2 synopsis: Two weeks later, JOHN SOUTHWEST flies with former AAI pilot and current junior SWA Captain JIMMY CRITTER. After a personal resolution to put acrimony aside and be more personable, JOHN engages JIMMY in some polite conversation. They discover they have a shared acquaintance in BILL TRANNY. JOHN describes how he and BILL interviewed at SWA together in 2004. JIMMY proclaims what an amazing coincidence that is: JIMMY flew-as a new hire Airtran FO-with BILL two days before BILL’s SWA interview. Scene ends with closeup on JOHN SOUTHWEST. He solemnly contemplates the difficulty he experienced earlier in the month flying as First Officer to a failed applicant from his SWA interview group. He then contemplates how he must now jerk gear for that guy’s former new-hire FO. He takes two steps up the jetway, pauses, then reluctantly moves to the cockpit to begin his work.

SCENE 3 synopsis: SPRING, 2013. GARY KELLY fields spirited questions from pilots at the SWA Training Center, trying to explain his recent decision to retire all the 737 Classics within two years and to defer a substantial number of new aircraft deliveries. His performance is remarkably calm and effective, considering the tension in the room, as he explains how the white-hot economies of India and China have driven oil prices high while the U.S. economy continues to sputter. His dramatic tag line:

“We have a 750 airplane fleet. Seven hundred and fifty! That is the most airplanes owned by a single carrier in the industry’s history. We are just too exposed to increased energy prices to grow; in fact, we need to shrink to reduce our risk. That’s the only way to salvage shareholder value.”

SCENE 4 synopsis: JOE LUV, a former SWA Lance Captain and current SWA First Officer, flies with SCABBY McSCABBERTIN, a former "Eastern Airlines pilot” who now is a fairly senior SWA Captain by way of the Airtran acquisition. (Writer’s note: I may delete this scene. Production costs can skyrocket when including violent fight scenes.)


Borrowed from the Prune so I can't take credit for it.:laugh: y.
 
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CatfishVT9

Anti-Democrat
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???
You forgot the last scene, where the SWAT crew launches into the sunset while 400Ahole looks up from his front porch at the Trailer Park and wonders: "Why not me?.......why....not....me."
 

GuppyWN

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I have absolutely no doubt that some on this forum will find great pleasure in reading that story.

Let's wait until next year to see how the script really ends.

Gup
 

BlueYonder

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Man, it takes a lot of hate to put so much effort into that post. No matter what happens with the AAI /SWA merger, you will still be one miserable, unhappy little man.
 

DonVerita

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400Ahole is just a troll who gets on here every now and then to try and stir things up when he grows tired of sewing dresses in his basement and putting on lipstick and eye shadow.

I'm surprised we haven't yet heard from his two delusional cousins - PilotYip and AirCobra. Oh wait...Springer is on. They'll both be on here momentarily.
 

asaflyer

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You forgot the last scene, where the SWAT crew launches into the sunset while 400Ahole looks up from his front porch at the Trailer Park and wonders: "Why not me?.......why....not....me."


If you don't think that's funny then just get outta here right now. ;o)
 

Wesb737fo

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400Ahole is just a troll who gets on here every now and then to try and stir things up when he grows tired of sewing dresses in his basement and putting on lipstick and eye shadow.

I'm surprised we haven't yet heard from his two delusional cousins - PilotYip and AirCobra. Oh wait...Springer is on. They'll both be on here momentarily.

" It puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again! ".

Twisted sick movie.

" I once had a census taker try to test me.....I had his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti...(how do you make that sound on a post?)
 

Kharma Police

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" It puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again! ".

LOL! I was thinking the same thing! 400A = Buffalo Bill! I bet he was dancing around his dungeon with his nutz tucked between his legs singing "Goodbye Horses" when he made this wonderful movie script. Creepy!!!

After reading the script with its complex sentence structure, grammar above an 8th grade level and use of literary elements I realized that Buffalo Bill (400A) could not have written this. Then I read his disclaimer and realized that my instincts were correct! Not only is he a Southwest pilot poser, he is also a plagiarizer! Buffalo Bill, very lazy and very lame attempt at flame bait, please try again.
 
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Wesb737fo

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" you went full retard....everybody knows you can't go full retard".

Any "Tropic Thunder" fans remember what Cody (Danny Mcbride) said about getting injured on the set of " Silver Spoons". I can't find the quote.
 
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