Stupid Pilot Tricks

[Lead Sled]

There have been some very good, thought provoking threads here on Flightinfo recently. I enjoy participating in the discussions - I find that it makes for some interesting reading and I enjoy having my positions challenged on occasion. It certainly keeps me on my toes. I’ve held a CFI for over 25 years and I’ve given many BFRs and ICCs during that time. During the course of these flight reviews, I have seen and heard many things that were pretty bizarre. For example…

The Cessna 310 pilot who insisted on flying a localizer approach using differential power.

The Cessna Turbo 210 pilot who boasted that he had flown to 20,000 feet so that he could remain VFR.

My list goes on and on. What are some of the strange things that you’ve run across? Let’s compare notes.

'Sled

 

[88_MALIBU]

When climbing to an altitude, climb 300-400 feet above so you can descend back down and gain speed...

Yea that was a good one!

 

[Bryan D]

This is one that I heard from a DPE in Orlando:

Walking to the plane with a pre-private student the instructor recieves a page for a phone call. As he turns to go back to the hangar he tells the student to go ahead preflight the airplane. When he returns he finds the student has untied the airplane from the ground and wrapped the ropes around the wing struts. After questioning the student he learns that the student has a backround in boats and thought the rope went with the airplane (like a boat). Point being, never leave anything, no matter how small, to question as an instructor.

 

[The_Russian]

The best one I heard was from a fellow CFI!

"Students do not need to learn forward slips to landing. They are a useless maneuver. These students will never use them in the airline."

What an idiot.

This one guy tells me on 123.45 that it is a practice area frequency and to stop using it to talk to other airliners. I reamed him a new one.

So many more, but Family Guy is on now and I have to go laugh. Then I must sleep for flying the mighty 1900!!!

 

[The_Russian]

Which DPE?

Ill be back after Family Guy.

Did you know Stewie is Hitler reborn?

 

[91er]

While getting ready to head out to his airplane (which he had flown in from a different airport so I could do his BFR), I asked this unfamiliar pilot if I could see his pilot certificate. He whips out his wallet and unfolds this hammered-up 8 1/2 by 11" sheet of paper, which was a photocopy of the original. When asked where the original was, he said he kept it at home, because he would really be screwed if he misplaced it.

 

[Big Duke Six]

I heard this from the senior CFI at a local flight school just a couple years ago:


"When forced to land downwind, keep your flaps UP, otherwise the wind will catch the flaps and blow you along, increasing your groundspeed."

After retelling this story several times in the next couple days, I was shocked to hear that other CFI's and students actually believed this too!

Did I hit my head somewhere, or are these guys really that misinformed?

 

[C425Driver]

I used to fly safety pilot for a guy who owned a Baron. It was one of the things that I had to do when I was a charter pilot. This tool had been flying for over 7 years when he asked me when he supposed to get "one of those semi-annual things". (His words, not mine!) It turns out that he was asking when he needed his first BFR. I explained the regs to him and he asked if I could do his BFR. After experiencing some of his airborne antics (this guy wouldn't know a reg if you hit him in the head with one - just ask his neighbors) there was no way my signiture would ever be near his logbook, so I told him that my CFI had expired (I lied). He offered to pay me more to sign him off anyway, because "there was no way anyone would find out". I never flew with him after that.

C425Driver

 

[KeroseneSnorter]

I used to fly safety pilot for a guy who owned a Baron. It was one of the things that I had to do when I was a charter pilot. This tool had been flying for over 7 years when he asked me when he supposed to get "one of those semi-annual things". (His words, not mine!) It turns out that he was asking when he needed his first BFR. I explained the regs to him and he asked if I could do his BFR. After experiencing some of his airborne antics (this guy wouldn't know a reg if you hit him in the head with one - just ask his neighbors) there was no way my signiture would ever be near his logbook, so I told him that my CFI had expired (I lied). He offered to pay me more to sign him off anyway, because "there was no way anyone would find out". I never flew with him after that.

C425Driver

Has this guy already picked out his casket?


Had a guy kind of like that try to get me to do a BFR and insurance sign off in a 340 with him.......I said sure, well go up and do some single engine work...........never heard from him again

Ah yes, another couple of VMC rolls to smoking holes in the making!!!!!

 

[C425Driver]

Has this guy already picked out his casket?

QUOTE]

I doubt it - he was too stupid to realize that he was dangerous.

 

[Vector4fun]

I was in the Tower once years ago when an Army King Air pilot asked for Flight Following to KROW at FL215. When told he couldn't fly VFR at FL215, he asked for FL195...

I can recall a dozen instances over the years where a Private Pilot got lost and mistook the large airport(s) I worked at for a GA airport with a single runway a third the length, and rolled right in and landed without speaking to a soul. All but one was a Private pilot. Students just don't seem to get THAT lost.

I've seen pilots get lost ON the airport, and instead of turning on a taxiway, turned onto an access road and then hit a chain link fence; in broad daylight...

I worked a Bonanza pilot one night, IFR, that got iced up and lost as heck on a DME arc to the ILS. We finally did get him safely on the ground, but heard later from FSDO the guy was a Dr. that was not current by years and didn't even have a medical. Couldn't even hand fly instruments, could only twist the knobs on the autopilot.

Saw a Mooney one night on a visual approach to a GA airport near the border go sailing 20 miles right on by and landed at Juarez instead. (He'd already switched to advisory freq...) Juarez had already closed for the night. He was lucky the Airport Commandante did not arrest him and seize the aircraft...

Saw a half-dozen Army Helos get lost in a dust storm between AZ and El Paso, and landed next to a gas station on the Chihuahua highway. (Big International Oooopps)

Saw a Mooney land at the ROW Police Station in a snow storm once (VFR in IMC) because the 20 yr old sectional chart he was still using showed the (Old) Municipal airport was located there...

Note; The above are just some of many that never made an NTSB database.

 

[KeroseneSnorter]

I was in the Tower once years ago when an Army King Air pilot asked for Flight Following to KROW at FL215. When told he couldn't fly VFR at FL215, he asked for FL195...

I can let them slide on that one........

We were somewhere over FLA one day in a 737 and I calmly picked up the mike and said 1234 would like FL340 if we could to get out of the tops............long pause, uhhh 1234 how about 330 instead? me..yeah sure that will work also!!!! It was the last leg of a 14 hour day and it took me probably 2 minutes to figure out what the Capt. was laughing at!!

Dunno why after years of flying a jet professionally I suddenly thought that FL 340 was a valid altitude??!! I guess I had a premonition of RVSM or something!

 

[mar]

Off to a good start

My very first CFI never taught me to lean because, he said, "...when students lean the engine they usually end up killing themselves."

I taught myself how to lean by reading about it.

When I became a CFI I did one of those really scary BFRs for some old guy who hadn't flown in 15 years and then expected to be signed off after one hour of airwork. He told me he wanted to get back into flying so that he could take kids for a ride.

No way Jose'. We had to go around in a turbo Arrow when he couldn't manage to land on an 8000' runway.

Scary indeed.

There are more stories but I need a cup of coffee to help me think of them...

 

[ATR-DRIVR]

Hey Mar,
What time zone is it??!?!?!?!

 

[mar]

Pst?

Well, this computer says 6:14am but I was up a couple hours ago staring at the ceiling.

The coffee should be ready by now.

 

[Flynfish]

Years ago, I was told to enter downwind behind a C-210. He was just turning base when the tower cleared him to land. He didn't respond, tower called again, when he keyed the mike you could hear the gear horn going off. He said, " stand by, let me get rid of this horn." Tower again cleared him to land and he aknowledged the clearence. While I turned base, I watched the guy land Gear Up. He pulled the breaker instead of just putting the gear down. Why in the heck.... ?????? Anyway.