You'll find it at
www.wuffo.com, instead. Due to dwindling numbers of jump pilots who actually jump, it's been moved to a "leg" domain.
Now that we have moved from threat level high, with condition level mauve being left behind in favor of condition level eggshell (soon to be replaced with condition level chartreusse), jump pilots are being eliminated due to security concerns. Jump aircraft immediately will be replaced with UAV's. Jumpers will be required to submit to x-ray screening, a bout with a bomb sniffing dog, and a thorough and sensual frisking before boarding the aircraft (if only they knew this has always been part of the pin check...and to think some people pay a lot for the same privilege). Sorry, no "happy ending" guaranteed.
Also effective immediately, jumpers will be required to allow TSA personnel to open their parachute prior to boarding for a jump run, to inspect for nail clippers and tweezers. Hook knives are acceptable. Moustache combs are not.
"Blue Skies, Black Death," has been replaced with a more politically correct pharase, soon to be introduced by USPA in bulk mailings of bumper stickers and membership letters. The new slogan reads "Blue Skies, Contrasted Against a Spectrum-Challenged Potential Demise." This new slogan is expected to catch on like wildfire, except for DC and the Republik of Kalifornia, wherein overly sensitive yuppies have demanded something less controversial. The slogan for Kalifornia has been reworked to read "Blue Skies, And More Blue Skies," for Northern Kalifornia, with "Blue Skies, Just Say No to Drugs and Handguns" for the Southern part of the state.
Also effective immediately, in a move slightly more controversial than the impending slogan change, is a requirement mandating the replacement of AAD's with either a standard 8 oz. charge of C-4, or 1 quarter stick of TNT. Pentolite is being considered as a third option. In this way, suicidal jumpers bent on freefalling into sensitive targets will be destroyed by 700' AGL. Rather than using an AAD to activate deployment of a reserve canopy, the AAD will simply supply adequate millivoltage to a detonator, reducing the potential size of the skydiver to a relatively harmless series of small pieces of hamburger before reaching the target.
This move has become controversial due to the expense of outfitting rigs not presently utilizing an AAD, with a Cypress, FXC, Sentinel, Astra, or other appropriate AAD/AOD. Further, due to a recently discovered widespread allergy to C-4, alternate methods of compliance are being considered. Jumpers have until January 31st, 2004, to comply.