Runs in flight

[OldManPilot]

If your gonna drop a bomb... at least be proud of it...

Personally, I like to leave a business card tucked into a good wrap-around log.

Pride in what you do. That's what makes America great!

 

[bell47]

MD. friend of mine had an explosive case of the runs as he was at 10000 in his baron. He told me that it all happened in about 30 seconds from the first rumble to a full butt explosion! He said it was totally uncontrolable and happened so fast it really scared him! He was all by himself and had to fly an approach to mins all while sitting in the soggy seat(EEEWWW)!

 

[pilotdiscretion]

Many of the food concessions aren't exactly worried about health inspectors when they are working in a hard to access airports. I get the aviator squirts about once a year and I've had a dozen FOs do the "run" of shame but my two best stories come from my 135 days flying lears 25s and 35s.

While flying an empty leg from the New York area back to FLL the captain wasn't adjusting to his new milk shake diet to well. Somewhere around ILM he grabs the mike and tells ATC he needs to divert to ILM. Being a former Air Force T-34 driver he doesn't hesitate to take the airplane do a wing over from FL390 and pegs out the VSI at around 6000 fpm. Realizing he's only 2 feet away from me and I could be collateral damage at any second I'm now demanding a lower alt and direct ILM with more urgency than he had. It took us 9 minutes to go from FL390 to touching down on the runway. When we got to the FBO he parked the airplane about 10 feet from the front door and went running in. The FBO staff was confused until they saw me roll out of the airplane laughing in tears.

My other good squirt story was on a trip to Havana. The captain and I ate at a sub shop across from MIA for the last time and both of us wound up in pain enroute to MUHA. At some point the pain begins to over ride all good brain functions because when we stopped on the ramp we ran 100 feet to the bathroom. It's a miracle we didn't get shot because a half dozen Cuban soldiers began chasing us to the bathroom. When we got in the bath room someone had stolen the toilet seats so we had to squat like a baseball catcher and try to aim for the bowl. Fortunately the captain missed the bowl because when the soldiers ran into the bathroom with their Klashnikovs at the ready the sight and smell of him painting the walls green caused them to scream conjo and run out.

 

[andym037]

This is by far the funniest thread I've ever read on here. I wish there was more funny stuff like this, and less of the typical depressing stuff.

 

[regionaltard]

Early on at PCL (back in 85 when we were express airlines 1 dba republic express) we had a crew in a jetstream where the capt had to go REALLY bad. He tried to squat on his seat and bullseye a sick sack. the high pressure very liquid eruption he emmitted did not make the sick sack and spewed all over the cockpit. The aircraft landed in FSM with the FO wearing an oxygen mask and passengers hurling......Those were the days.....

My old airline had a funny story along the same lines-the punch line was the poor guy who might have said "wow, someone threw away a brand-new flight case!"

 

[trachyte11]

The Freight message board has a thread about this same situation. Last time I checked it, it was up to about 13 pages. Funniest freakin thread on FI


Zero

http://forums.flightinfo.com/showthread.php?t=44435&highlight=freighter

25 pages, close to 2 years and still going strong. Should be made a stinky...err sticky.

 

[sleddriver77]

After a couple of such "episodes" (both single pilot and "sharing with a friend") it is now my policy to carry enough Immodium to plug up a horse. I keep it in my flight case, roll-aboard, EVERYWHERE. At the first hint of a rumble, I pop it. If the problem is not SOLVED in 30 min, we double the dose. I might not sh*t for a week thereafter, but at least I know it won't be in a airplane lav. Or in a perfectly good pair of uniform pants.

 

[Stifler's Mom]

The Great Cornholio :laugh:

 

[MALSR]

I always set my alarm to wake me up 10 minutes earlier than what I actually need to get ready.This way I can take a huge dump in peace knowing that I have allocated time to do so. If I don't have to grow a tail I just get a coffee and relax in the hotel lobby.

 

[Tarzan]

Why is it, whenever I wake up in the morning, I never have to do this. It's always on the bus ride to the airport. And then it's the "clenched shuffle" to that nasty crew crapper. And that damn John Wayne TP, it's rough, tough and does take crap off anyone.

 

[crjdxr]

The following are the highlights from a Thanksgiving dinner at one air carrier’s dispatch office, many moons ago.

The cast:
9 dispatchers (I was one)
5 crew schedulers
2 maintenance controllers
1 assistant dispatcher
1 company purchased Thanksgiving dinner for the night shift
2 "company" rest rooms (1 men’s room, 1 lady’s room - one crapper in each)
2 public (in the terminal’s public area) rest rooms

The happenings:
Dinner arrives at 6 p.m.
Staff begins consuming dinner at about 6p.m.
Dinner service ends at about 7p.m.
Comments made during dinner - "Does this taste right to you?" "The turkey looks a bit odd." "What’s in this gravy?" "Stay away from the green beans. They’re not cooked." "I don’t think the turkey is either."

Comments made after about 7p.m. - "Whoa. Excuse me!" "Are you o.k. man?" "Can you watch my flights for a minute? I gotta hit the loo." "Sure. But hurry up, I’m going to hit the head soon myself." "Oh! Sweet Jesus! Who did that?!?" "I’m not feeling so good." "Where’d the schedulers go?" "Was that your stomach?" "Flight 189 stand by for your fuel." "Is he still in there?" "Could you go get him?" "Where the he!! Is everyone?!?" "Good Christ it feels like I just gave birth!" "Chief I gotta go. My insides are dripping out my a$$." "Go. Hand off your flights."

Within the next two hours (7-9p.m.), 6 dispatchers, 3 crew schedulers, both mtx controllers, and the assistant went home sick. The remaining staff took bathroom breaks every fifteen minutes and finished off the night.

We got a letter from the airport the next week asking that we do our best to keep the restrooms as clean as possible. The cleaning crew had complained, as well as several other airport patrons that night.