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Profiling? (Humor!!)

BacktoAA

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Not my original work here, but amusing if not true.


Profiling...
To ensure we Americans never offend anyone --- particularly fanatics intent on killing us - airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal Of Honor winning former Governors. Let's pause a moment and take the following test.

In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and
massacred by:
(a) Olga Corbitt
(b) Sitting Bull
(c) Arnold Schwarzenegger
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Lost Norwegians
(b) Elvis
(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

During the 1980s a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
(a) John Dillinger
(b) The King of Sweden
(c) The Boy Scouts
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1982, the Marine barracks in Lebanon were suicide bombed by:
(a) A pizza delivery boy
(b) Pee Wee Herman
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1985 the cruise ship Achilles Lauro was hijacked, and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard by:
(a) The Smurfs
(b) Davy Jones
(c) The Little Mermaid
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver was murdered by:
(a) Captain Kid
(b) Charles Lindbergh
(c) Mother Teresa
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Scooby Doo
(b) The Tooth Fairy
(c) Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from the train job.
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
(a) Richard Simmons
(b) Grandma Moses
(c) Michael Jordan
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers
(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
(c) The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain: "Mustapha the Merciless"
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed and thousands of people were killed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wile E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd
(b) The Supreme Court of Florida
(c) Mr. Bean
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
(a) Enron
(b) The Lutheran Church
(c) The NFL
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
(a) Bonny and Clyde
(b) Captain Kangaroo
(c) Billy Graham
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.


Hmmm . . . nope, no patterns anywhere to justify profiling that I
can see.
 

skeezer

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You missed one.

In 1995, the federal building in Oklahoma city was bombed killing 168 people. The bombing was commited by:

(a) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
(b) An elderly woman
(c) A bunch of rug rats
(d) A 27 year old white male who used to be in the army

I think profiling should be allowed, but we must realize that it won't solve everything. We should maintain our vigilence of security with all groups of people because weirdos come in every shape and size.

Peace out!

Skeezer
 

pilot773

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I fail to find the humor in this now as I failed to find it the first few times it appeared here and in other forums.

Here's another question for you:
Most mass murderers, serial killers and rapists in the US are:
(a) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
(b) Out of work pilots
(c) Former priests
(d) White males

Ha ha. Funny funny.
 

habubuaza

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I don't believe the original post was intended to be funny but to point out the absurdity and ineffective nature of the current airport screening system. And no matter how you cut it or slice it you have to profile if you want to prevent further terrorist attacks on the American people. One way or another you'll eventually get it.
 

ksu_aviator

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As a white male...I still agree that most mass murders are white male. It doesn't bother me if police stop other white males, or me, looking for a mass murderer. If, of course, they have reason to believe that I may be comitting a crime. But of course, that is on the street. In an airport, you can forget about rights. Nobody has all of their rights in an airport, there have been plenty of posts about that topic in the past. So if the FAA wants to profile, you can't stop them. You can avoid them by driving, taking a bus, or chartering a flight. Like it or not, profiling is here, and its staying.
 

BacktoAA

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Ok, you all got me there. I admit calling this "humor" was a poor choice of words. Thought it made a good point.

Later.
 

Flint

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It may be funny to some and offending to others. But, every question/statement on that list is FACT. Odds are, the people who want to kill you and I and commit terrorism are
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

I'm willing to place a bet, that the next terroristic act is committed by:
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40, and not the 80 year old woman in front of you or the hot 20 year old girl behind you in the screener line.

I'm not saying that every (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 is a terrorist either.

Common sense would tell you to keep an eye on these folks. and there's nothing wrong with doing it.
 

cherokee

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Right on Flint, BacktoAA, KSU, Habubauza. I for one love the test and find it interesting and informative. And yes, go ahead and stop me if I look like another white male murder suspect...the law enforcement officials are just doing their job. I think if profiling continues to be perceived by so many people, especially of the liberal persuasion, as the most evil thing a person can do we are only asking for more trouble and begging the enemy to use this as a shield.
 

Orvilleflyer

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-How many white male mass murderers take out airliners.
-How many white male mass murderers take out a crowded shopping store when they detonate themselves to kindom come.
-How many white male mass murderers.................. You get it..

With the exception of Tim M, Islamic extremists do terrorists acts.

So don't take it so personally when someone posts something like these guys did. It's the truth, all of those acts were done by the Islamic extremists! Just like most of the mass murders were done by white males! The big difference here is that we are NOT strip searching old Muslim women in the grocery store in order not to offend any white males.

Don't interpret any of this as racist- It's not about someone else's skin color not being as good as your's or mine- We are all human beings. What I am saying here is that we have gone over board in the US with being politically correct and pretty soon it's going to bite us in the rear, either with another Richard Reid incident (everyone in the terminal was wondering about that guy but security let him through because they couldn't profile) or the traveling public getting tired of the anal cavity searches.

Everyone's so afraid of offending everyone else that these guys are able to slip through the cracks!! They will take advantage of our OVER politically correct system- Mark my words.
 
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waka

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How can one identify a "Muslim male extremist"? I assume you mean Middle Eastern looking males perhaps?

Richard Reid a.k.a. the "Shoe Bomber" is English/Jamaican. Would profiling middle Easterners pick him? No. It is not beyond terrorists to recruit non-middle Eastern folks, as is evident. It would be a mistake to assume that terrorists won't be more creative.

Profiling, like many of the other so-called "security measures" is simply a knee-jerk reaction. We have to impliment effective prevention and look at the cause, not the symptoms. Doing something just to appeal to everyone in an attempt to make people feel better is not effective.

Orvilleflyer, no, the original post is not "the truth". When you compare the likes of Daffy Duck or dead historical figures to terrorists, it is hardly analagous to reality.

On December 22, 2001, a Paris-to-Miami flight made an emergency landing in Boston after a passenger tried to blow up
his sneakers.The alleged bomber was
1. a middle Eastern male between 17 and 40.
2. a Samoan
3 an English/Jamaican that doesn't fit the profile to which over zealous knee-jerk reactionaries pay lip service
 
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Timebuilder

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Last evening, there was an interview on TV with famed economist Walter Williams. He refers to himself as "black". He told of when he visits his doctor, he is specifically singled out for particular tests for prostate cancer. WHY? He explained that it is wise for his doctor to "profile him on a racial basis" because black men have a higher incidence of prostate cancer.

He recommends that we begin our quest for airline security at the point where we have the most evidence of a problem: Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40. This probably means checking anyone who appears that they might fit that profile. It is a burden that has been imposed by the members of the profiled group who have already committed bad acts. They did not care that their acts would result in discrimination against their brothers. In fact, they were in all likelihood counting on our lack of guts in this area.

Have you seen the recent profiling of young Americans by cigarette retailers? You may indeed be old enough to smoke legally in the US, but if you APPEAR to be too young, and are under the age of 26, you can be asked to provide ID under the "WE CARD" program. We are comfortable with this profiling of legal adults over 18 in order to prevent those under 18 from buying cigarettes.

Why are we so uncomfortable when it comes to profiling another group in order to save others from a fate far more dangerous than smoking?
 

eriknorth

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Good point, Timebuilder. A slightly off subject question here regarding the cigarettes you were talking about. If you have to show proof of age if you're under 26, how do you know if they are really 26 without proof of age? I used to work at a gas station where this was the law and I just carded pretty much everyone. It was not worth losing my job as to not offfend someone. Besides, who doesn't like being accused of being younger that they are? Just an observation.
 

skydash

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I think that profiling will be one of the few effective tools that may help thwart another attack on an airliner.El Al has proved that done correctly,without regard to anyone's"feelings",profiling is effective.We are in a war against terrorism.There are people out there whose mission in life is to kill as many Americans as possible.For our own survival we'd better stop being "The United States Of The Offended".Kneeling to the god of political correctness will insure the death of this country.The Sum Of All Fears movie is a perfect example. In the book,the terrorists were radical Islamists.BUT....in the movie...yep...Neo Hitler radicals. God forbid that Hollywood stick to the text! No,we wouldn't want to offend the poor Muslims! This is the kind of BS that is at the top of a very slippery slope.
 

skypine69

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The funny part about all this is that the FAA does in fact PROFILE pax! They are profiling people who buy one way tickets with cash and dont check bags! Everyone knows this! Maybe you are talking about racial profilng, if so, I believe they should. Everytime I travel and I see some 7 year old traveling with her 75 year old grandmother I laugh at the security system that the government has told us is more secure. More secure than what I ask??
 

Orvilleflyer

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Ok Waca, you make a good point, and I agree with you. About the only similar trate is they they are Muslims. So what do we do now. If aliens were watching from above, I know they wouldn't see one religion down here as better then the other. They would only see those planes horribly crashing through the WTC and wonder how we were ever going to move into a greater state of being. I am going to watch that footage again. I do this every so often as I have the MPEGS on my laptop. I recommend everyone do this from time to time. Look at the carnage... Look at the horror created all over the world because of that day...
 
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Timebuilder

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Perhaps the best reasoning behind profiling is found in a question posed to a famous criminal:

"Why do you rob banks?" he was asked. "Because" he quipped "that's where the money is"!!

In other words, if you want to locate Muslim extremists, you have to begin by looking at those who could be those whom you seek.

Looking for a terrorist by checking your grandmother just makes our efforts appear to be retarded, ah,..... eh,... um,... developmentally challenged. (My brother fits that category, and I wouldn't want him to devise our security. Our present efforts certainly appear as though he was in charge, though).

The FAA "profiling" of a one way ticket is specious and silly. Millions of travellers have no need of a round trip ticket. Now, terrorists know to avoid buying a one way fare. What a surprise.
 

Flint

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Waka, your a little off. Richard R. was and is an extremist Muslim. That is the whole point. Extremist Muslims between ages of 17-40 are most likely going to commit a terrorist activity, and of those extremist Muslims 17-40, they will be of Middle Eastern decent or associated in some way.

I know the subject of civil liberties has come up. The argument I hear is, by profiling this group, it infringes on their civil liberties. Well, what about my civil liberties and all the others who have a right to be safe. Don't we all have the right to feel safe when we go to the movie, store, mall, drink water from the tap, live near a power plant, work in a high rise, live in a large city, and not to mention, travel on an airliner? With that in mind, I don't believe sacrificing the liberties of millions who feel frightened in America should be discarded to appease the few who fit the profile. Remember, the innocent people of America, (no matter what color your skin is or religion you practice), didn't pick the profile, the terrorist did.

If profiling is done, it will, no doubted, reduce the odds of Middle Eastern Muslim extremist males 17-40 from successfully committing terrorism, if that is who commits terrorism If we start seeing blond hair blue eyed woman committing terrorism, then they should be profiled as well.

This issue isn't has difficult has the media makes it to be. You identify who has the motive and who has a pattern of committing these acts. Once identified, you go after that description. If the bank down the street was just robbed by a brown hair, white mail driving a red pick-up, do you stop red pick-ups that have a white male with brown hair in the vicinity, or do you let it go and stop the 16 year old girl driving the convertible Rabbit with the dog in the back seat? Common sense tells me, the red pick up. Yes, the one that fits the description/profile. In comparison, if Middle Eastern Muslim extremist males 17-20 have publicly announced to destroying America, (no matter how few), you must keep an eye out for them. There's nothing wrong with asking these folks a few extra questions. It should be understandable and not an outrage.
 

LAZYB

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If we continue to ignore paraplegic red-haired Scandinavian grandmothers we are doomed.;)
 

SpinDoctor

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Those pesky gnomes

BacktoAA

I don't know man....those smurfs always seem to get all riled up by those darn underwear gnomes.
 

skeezer

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Re: Those pesky gnomes

I don't know man....those smurfs always seem to get all riled up by those darn underwear gnomes.

Dude those underpants gnomes are pi$$ing me off too. Not only do they steal your shorts, but they keep singing that dang song that I can't get outta my head! "We are the underpants...."

:D

Skeezer
 
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