khsgt
Token White Guy
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2002
- Posts
- 222
Wish I could take credit for this, but I can't. Found it on the Mesa Board. Enjoy!
I have become trapped in reserve hell, and an having hallucinations. It goes like this:
1) The Count from Sesame Street shows up: "I give you a trip! How many days? Three! Four! Five! Six! Six day trip! Ah! Ah! Ah!!!!!!" But he sounds like Dave Chapelle, and I can't tell if he's saying "trip" or "pimp smacks."
2) Circular arguments with crew trackers: "No, you don't get a hotel for sitting reserve out of domicile, no you don't have to have a cell phone, you just have to answer your phone on reserve, because we can't make you sit at the airport, that would be RR out of domicile, and that's just wrong. And your day includes three reserve periods, from 17 minutes to four and a half hours."
3) Six days = < 17 credit hours, or about 8 bucks an hour. Do I win the coffee? Can I get tea instead?
4) Since it's more fun to wait until the last second to give you a schedule, we're gonna do that. Since we only have crew trackers in a few places now, we're gonna get you with leftover ICBMs. Multiple independent reentry vehicles will simultaneously tag people in six different domiciles with junior assignments. Gollum the uber-tracker will hop out of the warhead, scream "My Precious!" and shoot you with a blowgun. Wile E Coyote is in charge of logistics.
5) You know those vending machines with the double letters that always steal your money? Because you thought the Oreos under CC12 involved punching the C twice, and didn't know about the CC button? Well, we just loves us some double letters, so we gonna jack yo' schedule up into a Bingo board! You're now on Trip12345AC34.
6) Since we're hemorraging 3 pilots a day, you gotta work 6 jobs, just like on the old In Living Color skit. You're gate agent, ramper, tug driver, and all aircraft crewmembers. And you run the lemonade stand.
7) All requests for tomorrows schedule are to be referred to the Ouija board in the fly away kit. Miss Cleo and Dionne Warwick are available on our snappy new ACARS system.
8) People ask me where I live, I don't remember, and have given up all hope of remembering where I parked.
9) When talking with SkyWest folks, they adopt the demeanor of someone speaking with an abused puppy. "Hey, come over here, it's safe and warm. Nice doggy!"
10) The knowledge that there's always someone, somewhere, who's got it worse. But we probably had a beer together within the last week, and mutually decided that Office Space was getting funnier because it's more true.
11) A scary looking woman wakes me up every morning. She screams "HOWZKLIPPING!"
Yeah, I know, we all feel it. I just had to vent. Maybe the mailman will bring the thick letter of acceptance soon, just like college.
I have become trapped in reserve hell, and an having hallucinations. It goes like this:
1) The Count from Sesame Street shows up: "I give you a trip! How many days? Three! Four! Five! Six! Six day trip! Ah! Ah! Ah!!!!!!" But he sounds like Dave Chapelle, and I can't tell if he's saying "trip" or "pimp smacks."
2) Circular arguments with crew trackers: "No, you don't get a hotel for sitting reserve out of domicile, no you don't have to have a cell phone, you just have to answer your phone on reserve, because we can't make you sit at the airport, that would be RR out of domicile, and that's just wrong. And your day includes three reserve periods, from 17 minutes to four and a half hours."
3) Six days = < 17 credit hours, or about 8 bucks an hour. Do I win the coffee? Can I get tea instead?
4) Since it's more fun to wait until the last second to give you a schedule, we're gonna do that. Since we only have crew trackers in a few places now, we're gonna get you with leftover ICBMs. Multiple independent reentry vehicles will simultaneously tag people in six different domiciles with junior assignments. Gollum the uber-tracker will hop out of the warhead, scream "My Precious!" and shoot you with a blowgun. Wile E Coyote is in charge of logistics.
5) You know those vending machines with the double letters that always steal your money? Because you thought the Oreos under CC12 involved punching the C twice, and didn't know about the CC button? Well, we just loves us some double letters, so we gonna jack yo' schedule up into a Bingo board! You're now on Trip12345AC34.
6) Since we're hemorraging 3 pilots a day, you gotta work 6 jobs, just like on the old In Living Color skit. You're gate agent, ramper, tug driver, and all aircraft crewmembers. And you run the lemonade stand.
7) All requests for tomorrows schedule are to be referred to the Ouija board in the fly away kit. Miss Cleo and Dionne Warwick are available on our snappy new ACARS system.
8) People ask me where I live, I don't remember, and have given up all hope of remembering where I parked.
9) When talking with SkyWest folks, they adopt the demeanor of someone speaking with an abused puppy. "Hey, come over here, it's safe and warm. Nice doggy!"
10) The knowledge that there's always someone, somewhere, who's got it worse. But we probably had a beer together within the last week, and mutually decided that Office Space was getting funnier because it's more true.
11) A scary looking woman wakes me up every morning. She screams "HOWZKLIPPING!"
Yeah, I know, we all feel it. I just had to vent. Maybe the mailman will bring the thick letter of acceptance soon, just like college.
