Merry Christmas

[enigma]

I'm off to work, so to myself and the rest of you who'll spend your Christmas getting others to and from their families...

MERRY CHRISTMAS

enigma

 

[snow-back]

For your reading pleasure during this holiday season . . . MERRY CHRISTMAS
(In Legalese):

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an
environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, and
gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within
the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but
with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of
others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at
all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and
medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year
(including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due
respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes
are extended without regard to the race, creed, age, physical ability,
religious faith or lack thereof, choice of computer platform, or sexual
preference of the wishee(s).

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS:

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain
improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of
stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and
around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/
St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House
were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including,
but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and
otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as
("I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the
second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained
period of sleep. At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of
headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the
lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The
party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to
investigate the cause of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being
pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8)
reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the
previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the
approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal
co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner
and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is
further asserted that an additional co- conspirator named "Rudolph" may have
been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the
Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin
or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the
chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue
from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the
aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items.

He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation
of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor
children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts.
(Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the
applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose
and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and
Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an
unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House,
the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry
Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.

Thanks to Ralph Ostermueller of fvginternational.com for this legalese.

 

[HAZ-MAT]

Merry Christmas to you too bud. For all of us with loved ones stuck in airports for the holiday lets just hope they all get "home" eventually and safely.. For the others that are booked on Delta and can't get out to go home, but somehow managed to get the last seat on an American flight in a few hours from now.... tip a glass with me!