Dear Sirs,
This letter is to recommend Gladius Flatimus for employment, where ever he can find it. Glad has done real good for us in the year and a half or so he's been here. He ain't never screwed up more than we couldn't fix it, and he ain't cost us no more than any other employee did, which is real good considering some of the kooks we get in here.
One thing I really like about Glad is that he's a real snappy dresser, and some of the customers like that. He's real good with the ladies, too. Some of them have sent us some real nice letters of reckenend reckommend reckenend thanks. Usually they just send boxes of chocolate, though, and usually we just eat em before Glad finds out, so don't tell him or nothing, but he's a good sport, and that's why we like him.
Other things I like about Glad, he doesn't drink on the job, at least not near what I can tell, though there was once I did smell something, but I think he spilled it on his overalls the night before.
Glad has been a Caravan copilot for us for the last year, after he upgraded from grease monkey. Lord knows he ain't no mechanic, but he could sure get dirty when we told him, and there ain't a soul alive that can scrub a belly with simple green like he can. Now I know some folks think a copilot is just a gear grabber, but our caravans don't got gear that comes up, see. So he does other things, and he talks on the radio real purdy, like some kind of radio show announcer. You know, real slick-like and smooth. He loads cargo like no tomorrow, and if he busts a package, he knows just how to smooth it up and make it look like there weren't nothing wrong done to it. That's saved us a bunch of money right there. Worth his wage just for that.
I aint got no beef with the man, and considering that I got beefs beeves, beefe's with a lot of men, that's saying a lot about the man right there. You go on and hire him, and if you don't, I'll probably take him back, so don't go drumming your fingers too long trying to make up your mind. The boy can work, he doesn't spit where he works if you know what I mean, and I have never known him to steal from the company. Good luck to you. Call me if you feel like it, leave a message. I'll give it to Glad and have him get right back with you.
Real Sincerely,
Alexander Precocious Bartholemew XVIII, esquire
"Jimbob"