Help!

[Hansel]

If your wife and kids did not want you to fly for a living would you still do it? I have been depressed since I left flying two years ago, but felt it was the right thing to do.

 

[Speedtree]

Hansel,

Sorry to hear it. My wife has been supportive for the most part and very understanding considering the first year regional wages.

I would have to know their reasons for not supporting me and the level of unhappiness. I think family comes first and if you put them against each other straight up, I would choose my family any day. Most situations can get better if you work at it. Could you consider any other aviation flying jobs? Look at the issues and resolve as many of them as you can. You need to find some common ground and see if a compromise can be found. But you probably already know all this.

Again, I stand by your decision to support family over yourself. Take time to enjoy your family and realize how much they mean to you and maybe you will come to new levels of satisfaction and understanding. I find comfort in my walk with Christ and that transcends all careers and situations.

Take care.

 

[Hansel]

Please feedback from anybody, I am having a real tough time today, and would love any feedback. I am even thinking about moving out so my family doesn't have to deal with my sadness. Thanks for all your help. Bt the way, I have a good job as a banker, beautiful house in Mission Viejo with a tropical paradise in the back yard, am I being fullish to even thinking about flying for a living? Thank you.

 

[corp_da20_guy]

Like Speedtree I too am sorry to hear it. I also have a very supportive wife. I was already in the business when we met so she was exposed to the reality of the profession (travelling on holidays, missed b-days, etc). I think for many who get into aviation after a marriage sets up a very difficult situation for the spouse who now all of a sudden is dealing with many of these difficult realities. There always has to give and take in the relationship though. If a job creates that much turmoil...gotta put the family first!

What was the reason that they wanted you to stop flying? Scheduling issues? Fear something might happen to you? It might help if you fully realize the underlying "fear".

Sounds like your current career might give you some flexiblity to fly at least maybe not profesionally (on the weekends or something).

Keep your chin up! Sometime in the future you will be gald you made the decision you did!

Best of luck!

 

[Toy Soldier]

Hansel

I have been there and done that with other areas of my life. I had to give up the following because my wife was too stressed about it:

1. Bomb squad
2. Skydiving
3. Scuba diving
4. Volunteer fireman
5. Motorcycles
6. Military volunteer missions
7. Other assorted dangerous stuff

For her, I was living too dangerously all the time and it never slowed down. Well, we sat down one day and agreed to agree on what I "could" and could not do. I decided to fly and have been doing so successfully. It was a tough, but necessary compromise.

1. Is there ANY leeway with your wife?
2. What is her biggest fear?

The bottom line is this. No one here will try to tell you whether you should continue to fly or not. That's a decision that you will have to make - with your wife. However, I do suggest that you two discuss the issue with your church pastor, pray about it, etc.

I'll tell you this, I thought I would "DIE", literally, when I gave up all of those "adrenalin JUNKIE" things! I truelly LIVED for the next jump, mission, etc.!!!!!

But, now those things are faint memories and don't seem important any more. Yet, I still have my loving wife. And also, if I couldn't fly anymore (for whatever reason), then I would find something else to do with my life. It'll be OK! The urge would everntually subside to manageable levels!

Just try to figure out what is a REAL need/desire versus an unquenchable urge and then see if you guys can agree to agree on a compromise.

God Bless and good luck with your decision!

 

[wildbill]

Hansel.
I too am sorry you are having problems..I feel very fortunate that my wife and family have supported me. An aviation career is very stressful on a relationship without initial resentment. My wife has stood by me through the initial debt of flight training. The continued debt of changing jobs until you find the right one. Then there is the many overnights associated with the job. I think of the many birthday's, anniversaries, childrens special occasions and firsts I have missed over the years. Through all of this my wife and family have stood beside me. It takes a special woman to tolerate this and apparently you do not have the one. Now you have a decision to make.

 

[UPS DC8]

Buy your own airplane!!!

It sounds like your doing very well financially. If I could afford my own airplane I would. I do get paid to fly some cool airplanes, but it's not according to my own schedule. I'm up all night and fly to some less desirable places. The most fun I ever had was when I owned a 1946 Cessna 140. You can buy one for less than $20k. Get rid of that nice new car and use that payment for your airplane. Your airplane will get you out to the airport where you can get your aviation fix. You'll make some new friends and get to fly some cool planes. DO IT NOW!!!!

 

[Hansel]

The wife is very supportive of the flying, however she would rather have me home everynight. The thing that scares me is I remember a fellow on this board who commited suicide for not being able to fly, and I'm feelingthe same way.

 

[Caveman]

Two choices:

a. Obey your wife, be miserable, and be home every night with a crummy outlook on life.

b. Grow a pair, tell her to get her a$$ in the kitchen and cook something, and get to work on your flying resume.

Now you know why they call me "Caveman"

 

[wildbill]

Hansel.
when you start mentioning the"S" word you need to get a grip on life. Time for a reality check. This is not the area you need to be in. We all face road blocks and tough decisions, but we take a step back look at the situation and figure a way around. There are only two sure things in this life and that is death and taxes. All other things have solutions. Just be patient and find yours. Don.t take the cop out position.