Funny Stuff Heard on the Freq

[BornAgainPagan]

What are some of the funniest things you've heard of the freq.


One center controllers calmly and nonchalantly said; "Southwest XXX, to avoid a collision, turn right heading 3-2-0"

Last X-mas season, as expected. there were lots of "Merry Christmas's" and "Happy Holidays" on the freq. In the spirit of Seinfeld, one pilot wished a controller "Happy Festivus"

You kind of had to be there.

 

[urflyingme?!]

"Happy Festivus"

You kind of had to be there.

HAHAHA
I have my on festivus pole back home.

The two out of ordinary things i've heard were the score to the NBA finals being given out evry 5 minutes by center, and my buddy had a hot mike on our flight school freq. and was cusing his instructor after an unusal attitude. new nickname--"pottymouth" even the chirf instructor heard it was great!

 

[minitour]

I was pre-solo working the pattern (obviously with instructor) and a KC135 just happened to be there too...so tower says to him..

"Steel XX, do you see the Cessna mid field for 23?"
"Afirm..."
"Good, after your missed approach, miss him, fly 140, maintain....."

all I thought was "miss him? uh......"

 

[jackotron]

On a dual flight in MTJ the instructor told the student exactly what he needed to say when he was calling 10 miles out:

Warrior X-X-X-X-V is 10 miles northwest of the field decending through eight thousand six hundred feet. Planning a left downwind entry for 3-1. Full-stop. Montrose.
​

The student quickly keyed the mic:

Warrior X-X-X-X-V is.....uhh....eight thousand...uhhh...10 miles...Montrose?
​

The student released the mic and then keyed it again:

Warrior X-X-X-X-V is lost.

​

 

[Jedi_Cheese]

While in the flare over the runway: "Cessna 12345, you are no longer cleared for the option, make this one a touch and go. No need to readback."

Or it's a slow night response by tower:
"Cessna 12345, your transmission was static but whatever you wanted it's approved."

 

[Flywrite]

This afternoon while working Memphis Center the controller advised a VFR guy in a climb that there was VFR traffic 12 o'clock 4 miles a thousand above him. Another advisory a minute later put the traffic about two miles ahead, 500 above. The controller asks if the guy has the traffic in sight. He replies "negative", so the controller asks "So are you just planning on flying into him?"

 

[sqwkvfr]

HAHAHA
I have my on festivus pole back home.

I threw my knee out during the "feats of strength."

 

[Loafman]

Yo. Clevey Centa'. It's Jetlink 6-4-3 Keepin' it Real at two-five-oh.

 

[AA717driver]

I heard center call a TWA aircraft and tell him to make a turn for traffic and make it tight. He replied "roger, TWA 123" and as he said it, he made his voice sound like he was grunting as he loaded up with g's. The controller just laughed.TC

 

[mattpilot]

Thief!!!! Thiiiieeeef!!!!! Someone Stop Him! Loafman Stole My Boobies

 

[mattpilot]

son, you don't share something like that - At least not a pair like *those*. Some day when you get older, you will understand hehe

 

[Loafman]

I've had these boobies a LOOOONG time. You be the thief. Booby Ganker.

 

[mattpilot]

...... we need to reach an agreement

 

[vetteracer]

"Cleared to "SPANK", Uh' "you may have to hold".


Mark

 

[chperplt]

Heard a few months after the buyout merger thing..

American 1234 contact center on 123.45

American 1234 contact center on 123.45

TWA 1234, contact center on 123.45...123.45 for TWA 1234...

 

[JediNein]

Working practice approaches, ATC almost always asks "how will this approach terminate?" My student's response before I could stop her, "in a big fiery crash." Long silence.

Flying an unusual aircraft which is white and red, ATC asks after typing in the aircraft code, "what does it look like?" Student in a sing-song voice: "Like a big extra-strength tylenol." Long silence.

After an emergency descent through clouds to a landing with only luck keeping the engine still attached, some guy on the unicom asking, "was that a real or a simulated emergency?"

Fly SAFE!
Jedi Nein

 

[TR4A]

Last week.

Guy says to center: "You have a good one".

Center: "I already have a good one. I want a bigger one"

 

[TrafficInSight]

The other day I was heading back to Reid Hillview after some landing practice at San Jose (to the northwest) and the exchange went like this:

Me: "Reid Tower Cessna 9668Q inbound from San Jose landing with sierra"

Him: "Aircraft calling I missed your call sign but I heard inbound from the southeast make a straight in for 31R report a 3 mile final."

Me: "It's 9668Q and we're actually inbound from San Jose"

Him(laughing): "I wasn't even close was I?"

 

[mattpilot]

tsk tsk tsk ... student pilots.... always messing everything up

 

[dseagrav]

Not on the radio, but my instructor and I parked next to a small helicopter a few days ago after a flight, and as we were leaving the airplane, I made the remark "Geez, that is a claustrophobic little thing!"

...says the guys leaving a C152...

The pilot of said helo was inside trying to convince another instructor that helos was safer than fixed-wing flight. I dunno whose remark was funnier.

 

[A1FlyBoy]

ORD:"American XXX - traffic 2 miles, turning to 180, report in sight"

AAXXX: " AAXXX has the FUK-er (fokker) in sight... been waiting years to say that."

ORD: Laughter...

 

[Dr4uh60l]

I flew a C210 on a cargo run into ATL twice a day. I had no stormscope, wx radar--just listened to the lightning strikes on the ADF. One night after weaving my way through a pretty wicked line and getting tossed all over the place, (see below)

 

[Sticky]

More then a couple years ago, I had a friend who was flying as a aerial photographer. He was in the back taking photos when the pilot needed to get closer to Allentown, PA from the south. The controller was female.



Photocraft: Allentown approach, Navajo 1234 would like to proceed directly up your ARSA.



Controller: Navajo 1234, Allentown approach...penetration approved.

 

[lionflyer]

Heard this on in ORD last Saturday:

Skywest XXX: "Ground, there's 2 skunks crossing the taxiway at M2."
Unknown: "I don't see Continental."

 

[Flyingtoohigh]

At my old flight school one of the instructors had an interesting tradition. Whenever this instructor and their student passed another instructor and student pair between the flight line and the flight school building he would pretend to be talking about anything but aviation.

While passing the chief pilot with his student my instructor turned to me and loudly pronounced, "...and that is how a bill becomes a law!"

some of my favorite passing phrases were:

"...that's what happens when you don't exfoliate nightly!"

"...and those are some of the more practical uses of mayonnase."

 

[TrafficInSight]

At my old flight school one of the instructors had an interesting tradition. Whenever this instructor and their student passed another instructor and student pair between the flight line and the flight school building he would pretend to be talking about anything but aviation.

While passing the chief pilot with his student my instructor turned to me and loudly pronounced, "...and that is how a bill becomes a law!"

some of my favorite passing phrases were:

"...that's what happens when you don't exfoliate nightly!"

"...and those are some of the more practical uses of mayonnase."

That is freakin' great.

 

[JeffSKDTW]

After an emergency descent through clouds to a landing with only luck keeping the engine still attached, some guy on the unicom asking, "was that a real or a simulated emergency?"

Jedi, I think that one is actually funnier if you tell everyone "who" actually said that!!

 

[atrdriver]

A few years ago there was a large turtle crossing the runway at VRB....The controller told the pilot on final..."Cherokee 38B, traffic is a large turtle on the centerline of 11R, appears to be northbound"

atrdriver

 

[No Delay]

One of my students and I were doing some touch and gos at a controlled field just above ATL. It was a pretty slow day and we had already made 8 or 9 laps.

The tower controller says: Skyhawk XXXXX, county tower, can you do me a favor.

"Sure"

Twr: "I am by myself and I need to step out to go to the bathroom. You are cleared touch and gos....if anyone else calls in...tell them to standby and I will be with them shortly"

- when ya gotta go....you gotta go!

 

[pilotman2105]

One of my students and I were doing some touch and gos at a controlled field just above ATL. It was a pretty slow day and we had already made 8 or 9 laps.

The tower controller says: Skyhawk XXXXX, county tower, can you do me a favor.

"Sure"

Twr: "I am by myself and I need to step out to go to the bathroom. You are cleared touch and gos....if anyone else calls in...tell them to standby and I will be with them shortly"

- when ya gotta go....you gotta go!

Scary part about that is that he is the only one in the tower. Running ground, clearance, and local control.

Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket.