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Funny post from airliners.net

polysciguy9

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Joined
Jun 10, 2005
Posts
96
Total Time
<40hrs
Forgive me if you've seen some version of this before - this didn't actually take place, but it's still funny. I saw it on airliners.net and thought some of you guys might find it funny. Enjoy.

At a recent computer
expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry
with the aircraft industry and stated, "If Embraer had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be flying
$25.00 planes that go 1,000 miles per hour."

In response to Bill's comments, Embraer issued a press release
stating: If Embraer had developed technology like Microsoft, we would
all be flying planes with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your plane would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted taxiway and runway lines, you would have
to buy a new plane.

3. Occasionally your plane would die on the runway for no reason. You
would have to pull to the side, open all of the doors, shut off the
plane, restart it, and reclose the doors before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your plane to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you
would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a plane that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to fly - but would run
on only five percent of the airways.

6. The oil temperature, pressure and generator warning lights would
all be replaced by a single "This Aircraft Has Performed an Illegal
Operation" warning light.

7. The groundspoiler system would ask "Are you sure?" before
deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your plane would lock you
out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the nosewheel and grabbed hold of the VHF radio
antenna.

9. Every time a new plane was introduced pilots would have to learn
how to fly all over again because none of the controls would operate
in the same manner as the old plane.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
 

ERfly

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 25, 2002
Posts
767
Total Time
8100
This then launched 26 pages of Airbus vs. Boeing and When Will Northwest Retire the 9s debates.
 

CitationXDriver

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 12, 2005
Posts
113
Total Time
2:27pm
polysciguy9 said:
6. The oil temperature, pressure and generator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Aircraft Has Performed an Illegal
Operation" warning light.

My Favorite
 

Dutch

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 22, 2002
Posts
168
Total Time
7000+
This is more true than you know

No lie, doing the origination checks and the fire bell doesn't work. I call up MOC and the following conversation takes place...

Me: "The fire bell isn't working with the fire test button depressed."
MOC: "Are the T handles lighting up?"
Me: "Yes."
MOC: "How about the Master Warning, Caution and EICAS messages?"
Me: "Yes."
MOC: "Have you moved the trim yet?"
Me: "No. The fire bell is the problem, not the trim."
MOC: "Just move the trim."
Me: "To where?"
MOC: "Don't matter, anywhere is fine."

Problem solved, the bell worked fine after that. This airplane makes me nervous with some of the Windows like things that it does.

Dutch
 
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