Funny ATC

[chperplt]

Cause I couldn't have figured that one out by listening to the radio. heh.

You think everyone listens to the radio? Ya think there might be people out there that listen for their N number/Flight number and then tune out the rest if the call isn't for them?

Have you ever come very close to dying when a controller failed to call out traffic and you didn't see them?

Be thankful when you get those traffic calls. They may just help save your ass.

 

[Khirsah]

I would hope that in a non-radar controlled Class D environment that you're listening to other calls on the radio.

Why? No radar, and you're within 5 miles of an airport busy enough for the FAA to put a control tower there. I'd hope you want to do everything you can to help with local noise abatement procedures

But I'm just a VFR guy flying a smaller aircraft where I don't have to bury my head inside the cockpit prior to landing. And that's why I posed the question in the first place. I inserted that remark to try and be somewhat humorous. Guess that failed.

 

[skyking1976]

Here's a good one....

DEN Ctr:UAL XXX Cleared direct YAMMI.

UAL XXX (female voice): Rgr, direct YAMMI for UAL XXX.

*2 minutes pass*

DEN Ctr: UAL XXX, suggest hdg 320 for direct YAMMI

UAL XXX (female voice): Center, we show that we are direct YAMMI.

DEN Ctr: Rgr.

*2 more minutes pass*

DEN Ctr: UAL XXX, I now show you well north of course. Turn right hdg 300.

UAL XXX (female voice): Center, our FMS is programmed to direct YAMMI and we are showing on course.

DEN Ctr: UAL XXX, please turn hdg 300.

UAL XXX (male voice): I'll tell her, sir.



SK

 

[Britpilot]

FLight 1179 departs EWR @645 am arrives ORD @ 807am type 737/500.

Flight 2342 departs EWR @08:50 arrives GSP 09:00, with my backside firmly planted in row 12 going home

 

[mckpickle]

Flight 2342 departs EWR @08:50 arrives GSP 09:00, with my backside firmly planted in row 12 going home

AMEN, spend some time with that boy!

 

[Starcheck]

0100 on Chicago center.

Chi Center: Learjet 12345, cleared direct Arapahoe.

12345: Learjet 12345 direct Arapahoe.

a couple of minutes pass;

12345: Center, Learjet 12345, where's Arapahoe?

Chi Center: (laughing), Sir, it's your destination!

 

[Nolife]

Early one morning as I was drinking from my water bottle and looking for the airport, ATC called someone," Express 12, traffic 2 o'clock, 5 miles, Southwest 7-3 @ 3000."
Answer," Express 12's got LUV on the horizon."
Water came out of my nose.

 

[jsoceanlord]

a controler cleared a plane for take off while a boeing was on short final. tower advised the boeing and he said; "holy schmoly".

it was fairly funny at the time.

 

[T-Gates]

Have you ever come very close to dying when a controller failed to call out traffic and you didn't see them?

Just wait until you get DUAL TA's in IMC..... One above and one below. Both unnanounced by ATC.

"XXX Approach, 1234 has dual traffic advisories, you have traffic to call?"

"Uh, yeah......traffic is 2 SWA 737's one climbing to 10,000 and one descending to 8,000.....maintain 9,000 for traffic."

"Stewardess......Get my Brown Pants!"

--03M

 

[MarineGrunt]

Funny stuck mike...

Well, this isn't a funny ATC, but it's a funny stuck mike...

My fiance was landing at GFK with her instructor. They were on short final on a very hot day. As soon as they land, her instructor pops open the door of the Warrior and cool air rushes in

Say says, "OH! That feels SO GOOD!"

They turn off the rwy, and are about to contact ground when they notice the Comm on the Garmin is displaying "Tx". They had a stuck mike the whole time!

___

Not hysterical, yet funny-

Snoopy One: "Dupage Tower, we got a question for ya if you have time."

TWR: "Go ahead"

Snoopy one: "We noticed that you guys have a sheet of plywood over one of the windows. Anything going on there?"

TWR: "Yeah just replacing some glass."

Snoopy one: "Just wondering, cause the crew was making up stories."

TWR: "Well, just tell them we got in a big fight and one of us got tossed out the window."

 

[FL000]

0100 on Chicago center.

Chi Center: Learjet 12345, cleared direct Arapahoe.

12345: Learjet 12345 direct Arapahoe.

a couple of minutes pass;

12345: Center, Learjet 12345, where's Arapahoe?

Chi Center: (laughing), Sir, it's your destination!

That reminds me of the time I was cleared from Ft. Worth Meacham direct to a set of lat/longs on the east coast, then direct destination. I hastily scribbled down the numbers, having to ask for one repetition for clarity. Not understanding why I got the clearance that way, I was tempted to call him on it, but just pulled out the charts and started trying to find the coordinates. After about 5 minutes narrowing my search, I finally found the spot...directly on top of my destination airport.

I was within seconds of this post going to the "idiotic radio calls" thread.

 

[Typhoon1244]

Still not sure if the controller meant to transmit this or not...a Challenger is receiving vectors to Houston/Hobby, and there were a lot of storms in the area, so there was a lot of tight maneuvering involved:

Challenger: "Sir, are you aware our destination is Intercontinental?"

Approach: "They've got you in here for Hobby."

Challenger: "No sir, should be Intercontinental."

Approach: "Okay, Challenger Four One Kilo, turn left to...uh...well...well, sh!t, turn left heading two four zero."

 

[Cleared Direct]

One stormy night going into SHV we were holding for the thunderstorm to pass over the field. There were 3 of us holding and monitoring the SHV approach frequency. AirLink had been holding the longest so they were the first ones to attempt an approach. The wx was still bad but there appeared to be enough of a break to attempt a safe approach before the next wave came. We asked Airlink to relay his ride and wx info to the tower to pass on to approach for us after AirLink switched over to the tower frequency. The name of the locator outer marker on that approach is CRAKK.

SHV Approach: "Hey Delta and Eagle, uhh Airlink says he is getting a bad ride and is inside CRAKK and it does not look good."

We started laughing so hard I could not fly anymore. We responded back that we would continue to hold longer while laughing at the same time. He then realized what was so funny and started to laugh also.

SHV Appraoch: "Delta state your intensions."

Delta: "I don't see us getting anywhere close to CRAKK tonight, we are close to bingo fuel can you change our destination to DFW."