flying animals

[sstearns2]

......

Yup, my dad's name was Gary. He always told me that the FE had to feed gum to all the pigs so their ears would pop, otherwise the pigs eardrums would rupture and they'd bleed to death. I think he was kidding as that would be a rather lot of gum.

Scott

 

[skeezer]

PS: How much snow will you be wearing this weekend???

I'm not too worried about wearing too much snow as my jacket is waterproof.

I am much more worried about the large quantities that I will be ingesting every time I "bite it."

"You shal cut down the mightiest tree in the forrest WWiiiiiiiiitthhhh............A HERRING!!!!"

NI!!

Skeezer

 

[Eagleflip]

Chicken's Can Fly!

While this story will undoubtedly irk the local members of PETA, I'll tell it anyway for the aeronautical moral. And please--no FAR quotes on how dropping objects that could endanger someone on the ground. It wasn't me, and besides, this episode was safer than the "skydiving watermelon" story, which I'll tell later.

There I was, in Gastonia NC (20 west of Charlotte) on a calm summer day 21 years ago. That is, we were bored to death. Like all bad ideas, this one started harmlessly enough.

"Hey, chickens can too fly" said Howard, part owner of the Stanley Steamer, a hideously yellow and green painted 150 standing rather sulkingly on its haunches on the ramp.

"No way!" was the retort from the rest of the crew, including CJ, our local expert on these matters. Both middle aged, one would think they would not worry about these things.

The conversation degenerated from there to the inevitable "triple dog dare" phase, after which CJ disappeared for an hour only to return with a portable coop with, you guessed it, three white, mature, and unafraid chickens inside.

While Howard and CJ attempted to wrestle said coop into the back of the 150 (that in itself was entertaining), the rest of us placed small wagers on the outcome of these hapless birds. None of us were too worried about hurting them. I for one figured they would survive this, the first true "Survivor" episode, albeit without camera, producer or tribal vote.

Soon the birdmen cum scientists took off, carefully gonkulating the winds aloft and chicken drop angle, climbing a bit above pattern altitude to begin their experiment. After the fact reports indicate that Chicken #1, contrary to common belief, did not truly want out of that coop. Pecking a bit on the way out the barely-held-open door of a Cessna one knot above stall a thousand feet aloft, he finally exited the trusty craft aided by CJ.

Now, I have heard numerous times that chickens are nearsighted. Don't know how any scientist has actually figured this out, but I trust their judgement. After all, are they the ones who have brought us the dinosaurs in Jurrassic Park? Didn't they invent those nifty Kevlar doors for JetBlue?

Chicken #1, newly freed and falling rapidly toward mamma earth, suddenly figured she had best start flapping. Unfortunatley, she failed to note that she had already exceed Vne/Mmo and suffered immediate, severe structural failure of the right wing. Entering a unrecoverable spin, Chicken #1 impacted the ground at warp six. No smell of fuel was found at the crash site.

After confering with our airborne scientists/executioners via unicom, we concluded that a single experiment was not sufficient to verify our hypothesis (or validate our bets). Chicken #2 was prepared for launch.

Upon exit, Chicken #2 fell like the proverbial stone. As it neared the gound, however, it became apparent that Chicken #2 was literate. Simply put, she had obviously read Jonathan Livingston Seagull (vintage Richard Bach, pre-mushy phase) and began a gentle wing extension. Ahh--the sensation of flight... All of us "chickens can too fly" folk were cheering her on--"pull, pull!" was the cry. Ever closer to high speed dirt, Chicken #2 actually pulled out of it's dive, and like an asymptotic curve in math, actually skimmed in ground effect for about 200 feet before entering a stand of trees at about 40 to 50 knots (est).

Nobody had the heart to throw #3 out, since we figured our experiment was becoming too costly for our bird friends. I figured we can chop off their heads and eat them, but throwing them out of a 150 at a grand was just too much.

Howard and CJ landed, with ungenerous tales of feathers, chicken pecks and loud protestations from the about-to-be launched. We stood around in the afternoon dusk, still arguing the answer to our original question, which was evidently not proven either way to anyone's satisfaction.

And then, in the quiet peace of a southern airport at sunset, Chicken #2 walked, somewhat unsteadily, out of the woods and onto the grass. Her first Solo!

The celebration was huge, and #2 was allowed to return to her friends that evening. I'm betting that noneone believed her story, though.

This story is absolutely true, though I cannot vouch for what ultimately happened to #2.

 

[FlyinBrian]

OH my god that's the funniest thing I've heard all day. Thanks for making my cubicle life a little bit more comfortable. Hope to back at work soon!

 

[prodigal]

chickens

Hey Flip,
That is a hilarious story, all the more so since I grew up in the Greasy G myself (now live in CLT). I can kinda envision the whole thing.
From your avatar I assume you are a state college man. Being a Carolina grad I can now see that that old saw about the difference between culture and agriculture being 30 miles is true. (For all you non-North Carolinians that's the distance between UNC and NCSU). Just kidding! Great story.
Let's chat sometime by private message, maybe we've crossed paths.
Fly safe.

 

[leardvr]

Flying Cats

Now this isn't as funny as the chiken man but this is good.

In Beaver County, PA KBVI there is Moore Aviation. Now Ms. Moore is an OLD lady who LOVES her cats. She loves her cats so much that in the winter, with the nice heated hangers, her cats get up into the airplanes when they're left open.

Just like other small animals cats can't equilize the PSI in their head. (I think you can see where this is going)

On day a friend of mine takes off with a student to do his first cross country. The student preflights the aircraft in the hanger.

During cruise flight in the roomy and comfortable C-152, moving along at 85kts on a cooled Western PA kind of a day the CFI reaches in back to get a chart and wakes up Mr. puzzy cat.

Mr. puzzy cat is P-ed off and his head hurts. The cat goes nuts and atackes anything it can get its claws on: this includes the interior, CFI, Student, charts and everything else in the plane

Well after a long fight with the cat (that everyone lost except the cat) the CFI gets ahold of this thing and opens the window

Out goes the cat. 5000' to tarra ferma. Cats can't fly!!!

Anyway the CFI turns back and lands; then he runs for his life (Ms. Moore loves her cats). A day or two latter Ms. Moore is looking for Mr. puzzy cat and is asking everyone if they've seen him. Including the CFI, who lied through his bandaids.

God Bless all