I don't like heights, never have. When I was eighteen, I was working my first flying job, flying ag (crop dusting). I recall running out of chemical in a field. The owner of the business was flying with me, in another airplane. He had some cleanup passes to do, and told me to climb to 1,000' and wait for him. I recall being terrified of going that high. Don't people pass out at those kind of altitudes??
After skydiving for nearly 20 years now, I can honestly say that the feeling and fear of heights is in no way diminished.
Many moons ago, a bunch of us were stuffed in the freezing loft of a drop zone, gathered around a large wood burning stove, trying to stay warm. We were weathered out, and a little down about not being able to jump. Someone came up with the bright idea of seeing who present had ever had a falling dream. Everyone had. An interesting question, he proposed. We always hear that anyone who hits the ground in their dream will die. Who here has hit the ground in their dream.
About 25 or so of us there; everyone raised their hand. So we took turns telling about our dreams.
Each one was similiar. The jumper hit the ground with a pack malfunction, failed reserve, pilot chute in tow, whatever. In each case, the jumper expressed anger at the parachute rig. Took it off, threw it at the ground. Stomped on it. All except John, the last one to tell his story.
"I was in freefall, hit pull altitude. I had a hard pull, and went for the reserve after two attempts. No luck. I pulled harder, double checked in case I had the harness. No luck. I struggled, I got ground rush. I knew I was going in. Then I thought to myself, wait a minute! This is my dream. So I started flapping my arms, and went back up..."
I don't think it's the fear of falling. As one who has no affinity or love for heights, I've never found the fall to be an issue. It's not; it's like floating in breathable water. The fear of the fear is perhaps an issue, but the fear of the act is not. As a kid who sailed out of a bunkbed more than once and hit the floor during a falling dream, and as an adult who has spent time in Intensive Care following a parachute malfunction...the fall has never been the thing. It's the suddent stop at the end that really sucks.
However, I can't say I understand the concept of the fear of death. I don't think that's it at all. Death is nothing; it's a transition, but so what? If it's fear of death that holds you back, then forget it. Move on. There are much more important things to occupy your mind than death. It's inevitable, you'll never escape this life alive, forget it. It will happen, sooner or later. But fear of dying? Fear of dying is arrogance in the extreme...what makes one think one is so important that dying is even an issue? It's not. You're not. I'm not. Forget death. You'll get there eventually anyway.
As for the Stratosphere...one of these days I'm going to base jump it. Everyone who manages to get over the edge (it's not nearly as easy as it once was) gets arrested. But friends who made it tell me it's worth it. I think I'd probably agree, but don't really want the arrest record just yet. Nor do I want to be arrested in Las Vegas. A much worse fate than death. Later, when the time is right. I know a couple that made it over the edge by taking a baby stroller to the top. There was no baby; just two base rigs under a blanket. They put on the rigs in plain sight and made it over the edge, but got arrested on the ground. Personally, I think the Stratosphere should set aside time each week or month when base jumping is allowed, and then folks wouldn't have to make outlaw jumps.
Where heights begin to bother me are on roller coasters. Carnival rides. Aside from them making me sick, I spend my time wondering who the master with the 3rd grade education was that last put the thing together, and when each weld was last x-rayed. And what cumulative stresses exist in the track rails, seat rails, etc. It's not really the fear of heights, nor the fear of death. Death is painless. It's the fear of surviving a disaster on those rickety deathtraps...fear of pain, or the anticipation of pain. I don't like pain. I seem to host it a lot...but it's not really a welcome guest. Death...so what? Pain? Big deal. Fear of pain, not fear of heights or fear of death.
I'd much rather freefall through blue skies to a black death, than get a root canal. And the dentist chair isn't even all that high off the floor...
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