embarass the FA

[SIGman]

Looking for best way to mess with the flight attendant when making PA announcments

Cheers,
D

 

[Ailerongirl]

http://forums.flightinfo.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23570

 

[CaptainBrazilia]

During my second month on line at Mesaba (a few years back now), I flew with a captain that was a real crackup.

About 25 minutes outside of Muskegon, he asked me for the manual gear extension handle. After looking at him funny for a few seconds, I grabbed it and handed it to him.

"Watch this," he said.

He proceeded to place the bottom end of the handle over the autopilot control panel's heading knob (which was on the center console). It fit quite snugly, actually (I think he shimmed it with a cocktail napkin), so that you could grab the big red handle and twist it making the plane turn.

So, here sits this two-foot-long metal handle out of the center console between us. He calls the FA up to the flight deck. Immediately, she see's this thing and asks, "What's that?"

The captain...with the BEST poker face I've EVER seen...says, "We've lost our primary flight control system and we're having to fly with the auxiliary <pointing to the big red handle>." Just after saying that, he grabs the handle with both hands, feigns a big bunch of grunting and groaning to make it look like a tough physical task, and makes the airplane turn a few degrees with the manual gear handle.

Her eyes got as big as dinner plates. We almost didn't catch her in time before she was out the door and starting to brief the passengers on the need to brace themselves for a rough landing!!

This was a rather gullible FA though. She fell for the "get us a bucket of prop-wash" gag, too.

 

[Flyforyou]

Man did I need this thread today! I haven't laughed like that in a while. Of course my FA girlfriend is giving me a dirty look right now...

 

[jetfueljunkey]

145 aural warning" Landing Gear"

was doing a reposition flight and the flight attendant was asking why we get some of the aural warnings. She said she had heard the landing gear warning once. Being fairly quick witted myself, I told her that if you ever hear that you need to go back to row 12 and jump up and down a couple of times to help the gear come down! Needless to say the next leg we did, we were going ATL to CLT and yes we waited to put the gear down, "ding ding ding, landing gear" You could hear her get up and my FO looked through the peep hole! He was laughing so hard! As soon as he said she jumped we put the gear down. We did this a couple of more times on that 4 day trip and finally told her on the last day that we were just messing with her! Man was she pissed! Nothing a few beers couldn't fix though!

 

[acaTerry]

Has anyone besides me used the "Brain Wave Detector" ? You tell them the radar is a brain wave detector....you know, since 91101 the bad guys know how to work transponders so the ATC guys watch our brain wave activity for stress. Red is extreme stress (hijack), yellow is moderate stress (such as bad weather) green is all OK. Move your head towards the bulkhead, it has a secret sensor. As you do this the other pilot tilts the antenna down, and it turns yellow, green. Let her try, then tilt up, she'll see it turn black...no brain activity sensed. Of course, you have to get the NEW gals b/c the ones who've been there a while know the tricks.

On the other hand, I had a gal who loved to pull threads from her apron and put the "pubic hair" in my tomato juice. They're lots of fun.

 

[Rogue5]

I'm a big fan of the "we're very lucky to have Suzy on board today, she was recently voted the 7th best flight attendant at XYZ airlines."

or...

"we're very lucky today to have the woman voted best flight attendant at XYZ airlines, and if you look to the aircraft to our left, you'll find her welcoming passengers aboard her airplane."

Always gets a laugh from the PAX, and a slap on the back of the head from the F/A...

 

[I.P. Freley]

>>>I told her that if you ever hear that you need to go back to row 12 and jump up and down a couple of times to help the gear come down!<<<

Now waaaaait just a second here... I've heard a version of this story that allegedly happened at CoEx that ended with the crew getting disciplined or fired.

Surely I'm not the only one who's heard this?? Anyone at CoEx, errr, ExpressJet care to comment?

 

[Mr Hat]

Messing with new hired.....my favorite!
There are two phones in the E145, one in front, one in back. The other day I waited til she called and messed with my mic so it sounded cracky....told her the interphone must be screwed up and please call me from the back. So she did. Then I said...Hmm that wierd, try to front again. At this point I bet my FO I could get her to run back and fourth 5 times.
I got 6 out of her before she figured it out. My FO was cracking up every time she hung up!

When a FA is making her PA's I sit, waiting for her to finish with my PA on and the mic to my nose....
".....thank you for choosing us..<Aghemm Snort snort>"
The ATR guys used to belch and whatnot but I didnt want to offend anyone. But I usually get some good chuckles from the back when I do the snorter thing.

The overhead reading light in the E145 is a twist on movable type of thing. We had a FA in the cockpit on a repo at night once so I was explaining the different insturments to her. When I got to the light I told her that it was a telescope for celestial navigation...it looked up and back so we could read the stars. But it also worked if there was an airplane above us...this way we could see them. She didnt believe me, so I said.."Fine look for yourself then" She poked her little eyeball up to the light and I guess the lights from the cockpit were reflecting inside because as she was looking through it she said "Oh Yeah!! Wow!" I was an FO at the time and the Captain I was flying with had to stare out the window because he couldnt keep a straight face.

I flew with an FO who had heard about my antics and said on descent of the last leg "I can't believe your going to let this new girl off the hook"
<<Ding Dong>>
FA: "Yes"
Me: "Listen, don't be alarmed but do you feel the pressure in your ears?"
FA: "Oh, yes, I think everyone does"
Me: "Okay, its not really a big deal but it is uncomfortable. According to the MFD (they love technical stuff) the seal in the toilet isnt sealing anymore. Hopefully it isnt broken. Can you go recycle the toilet for me then call me back"
FA: "You mean flush it?"
Me: "Yes"
Fa: "Okay"
So she hangs up...my FO is in hysterics. She calls back
FA: "Okay?"
Me: "Darn, nope that didnt do it. Okay now I need you to flush it again but this time bring the flashlight and look down there to see if the seal is okay..be discrete, dont let the pax see you, I dont want them to get alarmed over nothing"
FA: "Okay, Ill be right back"
Now my FO is tearing, he said he couldnt figure out how I do it with such a straight face!
So she calls back again
ME: "What'd you do, I think you fixed it!!!"
FA: "Well, I looked in there, the seal looked okay so I ran it through a few times and I think it re-sealed!"
ME: "Good job, Most FA's wouldnt have thought of that"
FA: "Yeah well I do a lot of the plumbing in my house"
ME: "Thanks you really saved the day for our customers ears, We will be landing in 25 minutes"

Now the kicker is.. I never told her I was kidding. So I can picture her on her next overnight, telling the crew how she saved the day by recycling the toilet so the airplane would pressurize!!
I ran into her a few weeks later, she called me on my joke and we laughed together.

BTW: All you new interviewies....I like to mess with new FO's too so be on guard!

 

[Mr Hat]

The gear jumping up and down thing is notorious at every airline. Pilots have used that one for years along with the "Bucket of prop wash" and "Maintainence needs an air sample from the packs", I like the oldy moldy jokes because its funnier when they fall for those, our HR tells the FA's about most of the oldies so they don't work because the new hires are warned. Thats why I try to come up with new ones because they usually work. I love the gear one but I never did it because I was afraid the Pax would get nervous. On a repo however......

 

[ArcticFlier]

I've been using the scratch pad on the FMS to indicate to the FA's that the "liquor kit (is) ajar" or "overhead bin 1AB is open" or "galley rat trap activated" or "seat back 9B reclined" etc. etc.. Most of the new hires fall for it, but not all.

AF

 

[328dude]

I have a few "messing with the newbies" that I have tryed. Most were a sucess, one almost got me canned.

1. For you guys flying FMS, type in "Toilet Paper Qty Low" in the line select and ask the FA to jiggle or change the toilet paper roll. This one can last for a awhile.

2. Toilet circuit breaker is popped, have her/him reset it which is located under the rim.

3. Before 9-11 when the FA's were able to bring us peanuts, water and what-not, my captain and I played a joke on a fresh FA on her first trip off of IOE. We were starting a 4 day trip and she was a little nervous we could tell. The first time she came up front, she was a little nervous about coming into the cockpit. We coaxed her in and after a few legs, seemed more relaxed. However, we did ask her to please be sure that she locked the cockpit door behind her when she left. She didn't have a clue, so we told her to just press this button and then shut the door. THe next three days went off without a hitch untill the last leg of our trip. The captain and I were in a big hurry to make flights for our commute home and forgot to tell her that it was all a joke.
Well, to my surprise, the CP called me the next day and asked me what the hell I was doing to a new FA. I acted stupid, but nonetheless, I knew I was busted.
What my captain and I taught her was to press the autopilot disconnect switch on the glareshield before she left the cockpit. We would disengage the sucker before she got up front, she would open the door and there's me hand flying the sucker untill she pressed the autopilot switch and engaged the sucker.
Well, by failing to advsie her that this step is not required, she flew the last day of her reserve day with a real sour puss and as she reached the cockpit, she reached up and disengaged the autopilot in flight on this certain captain. He was not amused. However, the CP did get a slight snicker out of it after a while.

Man, that was fun.

 

[Ben Franklin]

A buddy of mine was doing his upgrade on the ATR and there were some new hire flight attendants doing their observations. I guess they brought some drinks and pretzels to the cockpit and my buddy pointed to his IOE captain in the right seat and explained to them that it was a French plane and how in French planes, the Captain sits in the right seat.

So that when ever they made it to the line, and got assigned an ATR trip, that they were always supposed to take direction from the guy in the right seat as well as provide the right seater with refreshments first as he was most important.

I laughed at that one for a while.


Sincerely,

B. Franklin