Elbows & Armrests

[JetProp]

Ok, I know this is off the beaten path but,

What to do when you're...airlining, jumpseating, or nonreving and the guy next to you is "Mr. Elbows"...the elbows of your "seatmate" infringe upon you to the point where you are generally irritated...any suggestions?

 

[Stifler's Mom]

Ok, I know this is off the beaten path but,

What to do when you're...airlining, jumpseating, or nonreving and the guy next to you is "Mr. Elbows"...the elbows of your "seatmate" infringe upon you to the point where you are generally irritated...any suggestions?

Here's what I do...I pretend to fall asleep...then I slowly fall towards the "armrest hog" until my head is resting on their shoulder.

Within 15 seconds this guy will undoubtedly be leaning in the other direction. And viola, it's all yours.

 

[Hugh Jorgan]

Fart

 

[350DRIVER]

It really depends on what she looks like Had a nice one on a recent ATA MDW> LAS trip. I really cannot recall having any complaints.

If only we could choose our seat mates then it would be a win win situation all across the board.


c h e e r s

3 5 0

 

[njcapt]

I don't commute anymore (thank Ja), but when I was using SWA to get to work I would walk down the aisle like theTerminator or Robocop, scanning for the seat between two little ladies. I'd rather suck the pus out of a dead dog's ear than be stuck in a middle seat between two other big guys.

In regards to the armrest situation, I relied on either the farting tactic, or I waited until the offender got up to use the pissser, then acquired all the real estate I could effectively defend. You have to be brave and willing to have fairly substantial body contact, though, to defend your turf. This tactic is less effective on Eastern Europeans and Arabs. They're used to that kind of stuff.

 

[FL000]

Since I haven't paid for an airline ticket in 5 years, I really have no room (no pun intended) to complain. I feel your pain, though. I think the middle seat victim should be allowed to have both armrests, while the window and aisle folks get the outside rests only.

I was in the middle of two other DH pilots on a flight once. We all had broad shoulders, so I leaned forward, elbows on the tray table from ATL to DFW. But hey, I was getting paid.

 

[FlyChicaga]

If only we could choose our seat mates then it would be a win win situation all across the board.


c h e e r s

3 5 0

That's why you should start flying SWA you fool!

 

[urflyingme?!]

Ever get stuck in the middle seat, in the last row, when the seat in front of you leans back? The you realize that your seat has the least legroom on the plane, and no it does not recline?

NOT ME! But it happened to my dad on a LAX-JFK flight! Classic, seein the old man freakin out. Memories...memories.....

 

[chperplt]

How about the time you're commuting to or from and get lucky enough to get put up front.. You sit down and get comfortable, fully expecting to sleep the entire flight.

You close your eyes even before push back and then you notice something... something real foul.. You were almost a sleep so you aren't real sure what it is.. What ever it is, it is completely horrific. You open your eyes and notice the lady sitting next to you has taken her shoes off and WOW do those suckers smell.

She looks over at you and notices that your face has turned green and wonders why you've started gagging.. But she's not smart enough to move it past wondering, and keeps them daaaamn shoes off for the entire 5 hour flight.

 

[avbug]

I point out the window and in an excited voice whisper loudly, "There's someone on the wing." This causes the offending elbow hog to lift up his arm and turn to look out the window. When he turns back to face forward (or aft in the case of rear-facing exit aisle seats), I strike him sharply just below the nose and to one side using my elbow with an upward crushing strike. The result, while not life threatening, is excrutiatingly painful. The offender will spend the rest of the flight holding his face, with elbows clear of the rests.

For liability purposes, place a medium phone book between your elbow and the offender's face. It reduces bruising and eliminates contusions that match the contour of your elbow.

Another effective technique, when in the exit aisles, is to distract the offender and then open the exit. After the offender has been sucked from the aircraft and the pressurization has reached equilibrium, the exit should be closed, or you can simply move to another seat to avoid frostbite. This is effective, because the offender will never try to pull that elbow-hogging act again.

 

[SenorSpielbergo]

"When he turns back to face forward (or aft in the case of rear-facing exit aisle seats), I strike him sharply just below the nose and to one side using my elbow with an upward crushing strike. The result, while not life threatening, is excrutiatingly painful. The offender will spend the rest of the flight holding his face, with elbows clear of the rests."

Yes, this works. Ahhnold used it in Commando. "He's dead tired."

 

[labbats]

movies don't have one liners like that anymore

 

[Typhoon1244]

My wife advocates this method: when you board, go to your seat, greet your neighbor politely, sit down, and buckle up. Then, casually take the barf bag out of the seat-back pocket, unfold it, and set it on your lap.

They'll keep their distance.

 

[urflyingme?!]

screw it man, just puke on em. If you're in first class the FA can assist this by providing you with complimentary whiskey!

BTW, if you're lonely yell "prasie Allah." (Works best if you like large hockey player/cop types)