Doesn't Center know I have to urinate!?

[Squanto]

Well it's Friday and I just got back from a week in Berlin, my wife is seeing her mother for 4 days and I'm bored to tears in the meantime.

Lets hear some funny stories.

Topic: Tell us about the time when you were flying and had to go to the Sandbox for No 1. or No. 2. Bad

I'll start. I was in Destin FL flying a Real Estate guy with his girlfriend and mine (now wife) in his Lance. He was going to look at some property and then we were going to head back to Muscle Shoals, AL. My girlfriend and I go to dinner and I drink a ton of tea. As we finish dinner my cell phone rings and this guy wants to leave early. I get every thing ready, he shows up and off we go. Did I forget something? Yeah to download my bladder. It's about a 2.5 up to MSL if I remember right and I'm thinking, there is no way I'm going to make it up there if I need to go this bad and we haven't even passed the FL line. You know what happens next, turbulence with stonger than forecast headwinds. I start to think " Can a guy die from urine poisoning" Well I'm about to find out because my eyeballs are floating by this time. Everybody is asleep so I'm alone in my misery. I finally make it to our destination but not without having to hold at the Marker because somebody forgot to cancel.

I don't forget to visit the boys room anymore.

 

[newmei]

I had the same thing happen to me in C-150 over the everglades going down to Miami. I had like a gallon or gatorade before I left (and no pee bottles in the airplane) I made it about over the everglades when I said to myself I gotta go. So I was flying over private airports trying to find one suitable to land but one had a road going across it and look like it would have taken my nose gear off. Finally I came upon a cement private strip landed really quick, peed on the runway started back up and got out of there before anyone harrassed me!

 

[TDTURBO]

I've always boasted that I've got the world's largest bladder. I found out otherwise while coming back from Kissimmee, FL, I filed direct for a 5 1/2 hour trip back to Lansing, IL. I was over Atlanta when I sensed the need to empty my bladder. Thunderstorms were moving in, so I kept telling myslef that I could make it...all of this from a guy who could hold his bladder after drinking a twelve pack of beer any other time. Not on this day. I called center and told him my fuel tanks were definitely outlasting my bladder and I requested an amended clearance over Tennessee. At this point, I could barely fly the airplane. I relayed my concern for immediate let-down from 12,000 and the controller was very understanding and he cleared me for visual approach. As you can imagine, we dropped like a sack of hammers into a downwind landing with 10 seconds to spare. I never even made it to the parking. I just killed the engine, jumped out the door and started peeing on the ramp, not caring if anyone was watching (which they were!). I have NEVER, in 38 years, had to piss that bad. You can bet I'll never forget to have an empty bottle handy...and that the controller is on my Christmas card list!

 

[ACWild]

A sick sack holds pee as well as puke. I know this from personal experience. Just make sure you don't fill it so much that you can't shut the bag. If turbulence doesn't get you, the steam coming out is pretty frickin gross.
On a more serious note... A relative of mine flew in from overseas and for some reason, he was terrified to go in the aircraft lav. As a result, his kidney failed and he died from toxic shock a few days later. That incident is now one of my top contenders on the "way it sould suck to die" list.

 

[stingray]

"Some foods have a tendency to go right through ya'
Back when I was still doing traffic watch flights, I was allowed to use the airplane for my own use as long as i filled the tanks back up.

Anyways i whent to one of my favorite sports bars ordered chicken lips (its chicken breast slices in the buffalo wing sauce) had tea to drink. Somewhat on the greasy side but taste good.

Because I haven't flown a plane for fun in a while, I decide to take the plane up that saturday after i ate. about 15 minutes after takeoff my gut started acking and i got that feeling like i need to rip a big one. pressure was building. but then i also got that sick feeling that it wasn't just stink air coming. Butt cheaks never got so tight.

I was lucky i was at about 3,000ft near an uncontrolled field in SW FL. I made it down from 3000ft to the ramp inside the FBO to the bathroom within a minute. All done in the high performance C-150. I got some funny looks from the people at the airport, but no skidmarks here, except on the ramp and runway.

 

[RichardFitzwell]

Try using a zip lock...

I was flying a C210 in Florida after drinking about a gallon of coffee. I had no place to go except for in a zip lock bag. No problem using the bag but getting it out the window was a different story.

Let me just say the wind at 170 kts tears open a zip lock like nobodies business. Needless to say, when I landed I made a bee line to the nearest K Mart for a dry shirt.

 

[qwerty]

Never go XC without a bottle.

I had to fly an approach in actual with 2 hotties ( those are pretty girls for some who don't know the term) and had to wiz worse than anthing. If we crashed it would have been be ok because I wouln't have to pee anymore.

One of my students just smirked at the story and called me a **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED**. He flew 2hrs in Nam with bullet holes in both of his legs.

 

[ILLINI]

I was doing route familiarization training with guy in a Caravan not too long ago. It was an early dead head back to base, so he was drinking lots of coffee to try to wake up before the flight. A few minutes before we are getting ready to land, he looks to me and tells me to take the controls. I ask him what's wrong and he tells me that he had one too many cups of coffee and needed to take a leak... NOW! He threw his headset on the dash and crawled into the cargo area in back and proceded to take a wiz in an empty Mountain Dew bottle! I saw this as the perfect oportunity to practice my negative G's and asked ATC for a block altitude. For about five seconds all I heard was "you sonovabi....!" as he was tumbling around in the back trying to keep from spilling all over himself.

I know... i'm a ba$tard, but it was the funniest thing i'v ever seen or heard! I'm sure he won't ever drink so much coffee before a flight anymore. At least not when he's flying with me!


Good thread!

 

[zoom]

Mixed Priorities

I was sitting only one week ago with this guy telling me probably one of the greatest pee stories I've ever heard. Apparently, not too many years back, there was this student pilot on her first cross country up to Fort Collins Colorado.

The witnesses said she landed the plane so hot that it barely stopped before the end of the runway, THEN she turns around onto the taxi way and goes full on the throttle again barely avoiding a takeoff as she makes a beeline for the FBO.

On her way there, she managaes to avoid some parked aircraft as she goes screaming around them almost touching a wing on the ground.

Well, here's where her luck runs out. She ends up RUNNING her prop RIGHT into, and THROUGH some hangar door because she can't slow down! You can still see the cork screw pattern from the prop in that door even today.

Anyway - and here's the best part - instead of hanging around to check any damage after this little incursion, she JUMPS out of the plane (engine still running) and does an O.J. straight to the bathroom! (well, not the most recent O.J... but rather the old O.J. running through the airport, hurdling the bags.. you know, the Hertz commercial... i digress..)

If there is a happy ending to this story, it's that she did avoid peeing her pants.

(oh.. and she also got her solo cross country out of the way..)


zoom

 

[Squanto]

This thread is so funny I almost shorted out my laptop from crying while laughing.

The story at Scenic would have made America's Funniest Videos.

I had 3 college buddies in a C-172 when one of the tough ones says he has to puke. The only barf bag turns out to have more gum in it than under the bar at a Waffle House so we can't use it.

The guy says that he found an old Coke bottle (so much for clean rental planes) and that he will just puke in the bottle. I said, "If you can get 1/2 ounce into that thing I'll give you 20 bucks and a case of coke, otherwise you are cleaning this thing up"

Of course none of it made it into the bottle and he did end up cleaning the airplane after we landed. The rest of us had a cold Coke.