Diarrhea in a Fighter

[Captain Morgan]

In the cargo section there's a thread called "Diarrhea in a Freighter." It got me thinking about fighter pilots on long sorties, and how they deal with gastrointestinal issues. What the hell do you do up there? Any good stories?

 

[ExAF]

Growler

I knew a WSO that got the nickname "Growler" after he took a massive dump in his helmet bag on one such long flight.

 

[Axel]

Pulling G's won't help the situation.

 

[taxi1wire]

Emer dump-ex off the cat

Had something similar happen to my copilot off the cat in a hawkeye. Before the launch while spoted behind the JBD, I started noticing some different behavior on his side of the cockpit, then immediately after the shot, I got the "I GOTTA SH$#!!!" 2 box lunch box containers later and after the parrot India checks, the EP was complete....Lots of call sign ideas came out of that scenario! Naval Aviation...gotta love it..

 

[Mr. Johnson]

Silly question, on that aircraft how often does the copilot get to land on the carrier? Do they have to maintain the same landing quals as those in the left seat? Just curious.

 

[B52GUNNER]

We had a Radar Nav take a dump in the urinal in the B-52 between bomb runs once. The funny thing is he got great bomb scores that day too. (no pun intended) He was one hell of a RN. Now he is a wing commander, so I wont give out his nickname.

 

[Captainzero1]

Back in my AF enlisted days, a f-15 driver crapped in his flight suit from okinawa to eglin. It wasn't pretty but at least he helped clean it up.

 

[AdlerDriver]

Back in my AF enlisted days, a f-15 driver crapped in his flight suit from okinawa to eglin. It wasn't pretty but at least he helped clean it up.

I remember that one. I'd crap my pants too if I had to fly an Eagle from Japan to Florida non-stop.

If it's the same one I'm thinking of, after he did the "deed", he obviously spent a while sitting in "it". To make matters worse, he was in an anti-exposure suit (aptly nicknamed a "poopy suit"). Deciding he was pretty uncomfortable and starting to develop a rash, he tried to alleviate his suffering by pouring water down his back, inside his poopy suit. This suit is a "one-piece" with attached booties.

By the time he got to Eglin, he had a nice supply of sh!t-soup sloshing around in his booties. :erm:

 

[Mud Eagle]

An F-15E pilot flying out of an overseas base a couple years ago pulled off a crap of extraordinary skill IMHO;

On a night sortie out over the North Sea while wearing the famous "poopie suit", he was struck with that uncontrollable urge.

Handing over control of the jet to his quite new WSO, he unstrapped, pulled off his harness, pulled off his poopie suit (the top half of it, anyway), dropped trau, and crapped in his helmet bag.

I assure you, given the size of the Eagle cockpit (which is pretty generous by fighter standards but still pretty damn small), the contortions required to wiggle out of a poopie suit, and the logistics of doing that while stowing a helmet/mask and a harness somewhere in the cockpit, AND while not interfering with the flight controls....AND being able to hover over a helmet bag and drop a deuce in it...that is quite a feat.

One I hope I will never have to attempt to match.

 

[dustrpilot]

There is a hilarious audio tape of a F-14 back seater that did the deed in his suit, but I can't find it to post it. It was played on a local radio station several years ago.

 

[Scrapdog]

An F-15E pilot flying out of an overseas base a couple years ago pulled off a crap of extraordinary skill IMHO;

On a night sortie out over the North Sea while wearing the famous "poopie suit", he was struck with that uncontrollable urge.

Handing over control of the jet to his quite new WSO, he unstrapped, pulled off his harness, pulled off his poopie suit (the top half of it, anyway), dropped trau, and crapped in his helmet bag.

I assure you, given the size of the Eagle cockpit (which is pretty generous by fighter standards but still pretty damn small), the contortions required to wiggle out of a poopie suit, and the logistics of doing that while stowing a helmet/mask and a harness somewhere in the cockpit, AND while not interfering with the flight controls....AND being able to hover over a helmet bag and drop a deuce in it...that is quite a feat.

One I hope I will never have to attempt to match.

Good story bro, but there's one major problem...the jet had 2 seats. Here's a toast to single seat fighters! :beer: