Delta long haul...has a lot to learn

[Guitar rocker]

I get to try first, Occam!

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome Bankrupt Flight 12, service to East Bajesus.

In the back, your purser is Roberto. He's a little hung over, so no loud noises please. Also, you can discreetly notify when his unnaturally large scrotum decends from his tight shorts.

Since I've decided to illegally accept an A route today to save my airline a buck, any ditching will be unsurvivalable. Your seat cushion isn't an option, as after the 40000th fart, it loses all bouyancy.

I'd avoid the fish, as food poisoning has become rampant. However, I have to continually punish my FO with my Atkins breath, so the protein bar will do me.

SOOOO, just crash back in your seats unvip the more uncomfortable zippers on your old parachute pants, and enjoy your flight."

Well done!

 

[Occam's Razor]

You sure do seem so proud and stuck on yourself if you have to try and impress someone that perhaps may know more than you do.

Someone knows MORE than me?

Not likely.

I'm different and unique...just like every other airline pilot in the U.S. And...like every other pilot on this Forum...I know it all. Don't believe me? Read a few of the responses to my posts on this thread. Some geniuses know when I'm being serious, even when I'm not!

That's knowledge!

Razor, I am sure that ego of yours is so big that you would love nothing more than to come out of the cockpit with your hat and glasses on and just try and impress everyone.

"Glasses"?

(chortle)

Not me.

And I don't so much as "come out" of the cockpit...as "appear".

Keep doing your long winded speeches for the one person you just have to impress and ruin the ride for everyone else. Thanks sport.

Ok...then have someone else read it to you. Maybe you'll pick-up on the message. I'm a "don't talk much on the PA" type. It was humor! Humor I tell you! H-U-M-...

Ah, screw it.

Long PA to follow...

 

[Guitar rocker]

Humor, yah rrrright.

 

[wmuflyguy]

The absolute worst for long, drawn out, irrelevant PA's is a guy from Comair. He's their communication committee chairman and does their hotline announcements. I asked a former Comair pilot once what was the deal with this guy and his unusual voice inflections. He said that this guy was a former radio personality and that he trys to act like he's talking on the air when he makes his PA announcements. He probably even covers his ear with his hand when he talks. I've had that "pleasure" of being pax on two of his flights.

The worst was an ASA captian that gave a 6-8 minute brief at the gate, then a 5 minute brief in the air(to tell us how much gas we had burned). This was all on a flight from ATL to GSO.

 

[ReportCanoa]

The worst was an ASA captian that gave a 6-8 minute brief at the gate, then a 5 minute brief in the air(to tell us how much gas we had burned). This was all on a flight from ATL to GSO.

I know whom you're refering to, and he's a great person and a veteran. Leave this one alone.

 

[ron burgundy]

Catyaak:

. . . but the seatbelt sign announcement is an FAR, so direct that part of your rant to the appropriate bureaucrats.



INCORRECT ...NOT AN FAR ..JUST TERRIBLY ANNOYING ON LATE NIGHT FLIGHTS.

 

[Occam's Razor]

Humor, yah rrrright.

Ok...ok...sarcasm.

But that's a form of humor...right?

Tell ya what. I'll set my humor level to "Houseplant" and turn off my Subtle-izer.

You'll love it!

BFF?

 

[MJG]

MJG,

It's pretty sad that you can't take the time and tell them with a smile which terminal they're in instead of exuding your patronizing attitude. That must sell so well to those ultimately paying your salary!

And half of those "idiots" in back probably didn't board as such, but deplane acting like them due to fatigue that resulted from your sleep-interrupting P/A dissertations. They are dumber for having been on your aircraft. So you can yak to them over a speaker from inside a cockpit, but you're above exchanging a pleasantry face-to-face as they deplane? Nice

What are you supposed to do? How about using a little less aviationspeak and more common sense.

See here's the thing. You know nothing about me, yet profess to know exacty who I am or what I do. I'm telling you like it is. I don't sugar coat things any more. If you don't like hearing how things really are then that's your problem, not mine.

In fact I pride myself on being above average when it comes to customer service. I've loaded the bin of my airliner by myself, in uniform. I've unloaded the bin of my airliner, by myself, in uniform. Why, because someone has to pick up the slack from time to time. The phrase "it's not my job", is not in my vocabulary. I help the FA's clean their cabin on nearly every flight. Why, because ulitimately as the Captain of the flight it's MY cabin. I've pushed old ladies in wheel chairs all the way to baggage claim. I've pointed out where the freakin restroom is at (insert airport name here) more times than I can remember, to passengers who are too lazy to look for themselves. I've personally walked with customers to their next gate because they didn't know how to get there themselves. I've stood at the gate counter answering countless questions and giving advice when the flight is late and there's no gate agent in sight. I've taken votes amongst the passengers on my flights about whether they wanted to sit out a ground stop in the comfort of the terminal or the cramped cabin of my airliner. Why, because I give a damm. I guess that never crossed your mind.

When it comes to PA's I also don't do them in the early morning or late evening. I too dislike being interrupted by some long winded mindless weather report just as I'm dozing off in the back. Many times on shorter flights, less than an hour, I don't do any PA's in flight. I'll make one prior to departure and the other as I'm telling the FAs to grab their seat for landing. Those coincidentally also happen to be the two times during the flight when I know that I actually have the full attention of the customers in the back. I'll also leave the seatbelt sign on during many of the shorter flights as well. OH MY GOODNESS, he's one of those guys. HEAVEN FORBID !!

I don't know you either, but from your posts I can only assume you don't currently fly for an airline. I'm trying to relate this issue from an airline pilot's point of view.

In my 8 plus years of doing this now I've learned a couple of things.

The general traveling public is of below average intelligence, lazy, has poor listening skills and is only concerned about themselves and no one else. Knowing that, I've adapted some of the things I do over time to better fit with their individual needs. Unfortunately we, as airline pilots, can not make a single PA that pleases everyone.

So again I ask of you, what are we, as airline pilots, to do? We can't please everyone all the time. I've certainly tried to no avail.

So we get a cabin full of customers. 50% are hard core business travelers. They don't give a damm about the weather. They only care about using their electronic devices and whether or not we're going to be late. Then you have 30% traveling for leisure. They really do want to know the weather, what cities we're flying over, how fast, how high, etc....etc.... Then the other 20% is a mix of LEO's, FAM's, Positive spacers, non-revers and other company people commuting to and from work. They don't care about anything other than the fact that they just have a seat on the flight.

So how should we do it? Maybe make three sets of PA's for each group. One for those that care, one for those that don't and one for those who are just happy to be on board. I'm sure that's just what folks like you want to hear in the back, the same message repeated three times but customized for your traveling needs.

I'm now asking you because I thought I had it figured out, apparently not.

 

[Guitar rocker]

Ok...ok...sarcasm.

But that's a form of humor...right?

Tell ya what. I'll set my humor level to "Houseplant" and turn off my Subtle-izer.

You'll love it!

BFF?

Houseplant? You can do that? How about Cactus?

Nah, just leave it the way it is. It's all good.

 

[800Dog]

Delta Sucks Catyaak. Just don't fly them again or any other Legacy Carrier.

Yea!! Fly the LCC to Europe. Stay away from Delta Catyaak, you stink!!!!

 

[ASA]

The general traveling public is of below average intelligence, lazy, has poor listening skills and is only concerned about themselves and no one else.

Sounds like an average airline pilot.

 

[j41driver]

The absolute worst for long, drawn out, irrelevant PA's is a guy from Comair. He's their communication committee chairman and does their hotline announcements. I asked a former Comair pilot once what was the deal with this guy and his unusual voice inflections. He said that this guy was a former radio personality and that he trys to act like he's talking on the air when he makes his PA announcements. He probably even covers his ear with his hand when he talks. I've had that "pleasure" of being pax on two of his flights.

He sounds like that on the radio also. Heard him out of CVG a couple times. Definately sounded like a bad DJ.

 

[ReportCanoa]

Sounds like an average airline pilot.

Correction. Sounds like an average ASA pilot.