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Dating Service

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Dash8 said:
it changes??? i still haven't figured it out for the 20's, but now theres' differnet ones for 30's? *sigh* :confused:

Yup, its true. Mind you, the following is just what I have found in my experience. It's tonuge in cheek (no angry mail, please!).

The pre-30's gals are still on the hunt for the perfect dude and think they still have the time to find him. You know, good-looking, buff bod, plays the piano, funny, loves kids, puppies, her parents, and maybe spiritual and intellegent, (all in that order). Big bucks, MD, LD, or being sucessful is not required, but very desirable. If you don't meet the above requirements, you can still date, but rest assured, your gal is still on the hunt for the BBD (bigger, better deal), and you are just a placeholder. You might be resonably smart and/or successful, but if a good looking, buff piano player comes along, you are history.

The 30-36 gals have that clock thing ticking down, and they've just figured it out (accompanied by prodding from their girlfriends). They date like mad, and are often the ones you find in the dating services. They are willing to compromise a bit on the above, and are much quicker to rush into the "commitment phase". If you are in any way able to support a family, your in. They're in a hurry, and so if it looks like you aren't going to add up to much or if you foot-drag, you will be jettisoned without so much as a phone call.

The above 36 gals know what they want, but have figured out life is a series of compromises, and have developed a go-with-the-flow attitude. They've lived by themselves for a long time, and are fully able to manage their lives by themselves and are interested in some honest good times with someone halfway able to keep up. If someone interesting comes along, fine, and if not, also fine. The clock still ticks, but they are cool with it. Your requirement as a potential suitor basically amounts to being able to manage your own life, pay your own bills, and not be a complete f$ck up.

JMHO...
Nu
 
Tried match.com out...met a couple of different chicks. I actually had pretty good luck with the site and have been dating this one girl for about 7 months now. There are a lot of weird people out there...both male and female. I had a few 'interesting' experiences. My girlfriend recieved over 40 emails within 24 hrs of posting her pic...a couple from 40+ yr old men (she's 26!!). Good luck...meeting chicks at bars can get a little old. You have nothing to lose by trying it out...hell, I know a married couple that met on match.com.
Cheers,
Markus
 
NU, I think your above post is dead on..especially with the 20 something gals. They look for perfection in body and wallet.

30-36, stability. And you are correct...I met a few in this range who seemed nice and were good looking. But then I got the dreaded "I'll call" at the end of the date. Serial daters..Mr. perfect..and NOW!

above 36, ok ok ok maybe that dude with the old car and average looks might be cool, I give up now!
 
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Ok, dare I chime in on this thread...:)

I think Nu hit it almost on the head with those of us over 36. But, we are not willing to settle - I think it is just the opposite. Having been married and now the single mother of two children, I have a whole different set of criteria I am looking for in someone.

First and foremost, my children come before anyone else. That is a sacrifice that I have chosen to make because I brought my children into the world. I am constantly amazed at the women who spend no time with their children just so they can go on a date.

Is that to say that I do not make time for a significant other? No, I am just very selective as to the person that I date. I also do not let the man meet my children until well into the relationship and it (seems) to be solid. Have I still had problems with people that say they have no problem with my children and then bail later? Yep. I just wish people would be honest in the beginning if they do not want to be a part of someone's life that has children. But, in retrospect, I have had some great relationships with people that have added to my life.

I think there are some advantages to dating a woman who is a bit older than the 20 somethings. I know who I am and where I am going in my life. I know very clearly what I want in someone. I do not need anyone to take care of me. But I would love to have someone who knows the true meaning of being a partner. I am in no hurry anymore because my biological clock is not a factor. I have my two children - do not want any others.

I have tried some of the internet dating services, like match.com and eharmony. I keep getting all the weirdos on Match and I do not like the feature of eharmony where you cannot see the picture of the person. I still believe that there has to be attraction to the other person, no matter how many things you have in common. However, the premise is a good one.

I thought the aviation site that was posted was interesting. I find it a lot easier to be with someone who understands the business. Although I am not in the business anymore, I tend to still date people that are in the biz. Having someone who is gone does not bother me because I lived that lifestyle for so long. Also, being a single parent and doing it all on my own has made me a stronger person.

Anyway, I thought you all might find it interesting to hear things from a female perspective. We get just as many people who misrepresent themselves - not only in their descriptions, but where they truly are in their lives.

Kathy
 
Hiya Kathy,

Yup. I got married for the first time in my late 30's, to a gal also in her late 30's (it was her first time, too). Talk about stability. Sometimes we both just stare at each other thinking "god, how did I find someone who isn't a criminal, deadbeat, or wierdo.

It's a jungle out there...

best,
Nu
 
NuGuy said:
Hiya Kathy,

Yup. I got married for the first time in my late 30's, to a gal also in her late 30's (it was her first time, too). Talk about stability. Sometimes we both just stare at each other thinking "god, how did I find someone who isn't a criminal, deadbeat, or wierdo.

It's a jungle out there...

best,
Nu

I think I have dated some of those people you listed! :D

I think it is great that you have found a wonderful person. Gives the rest of us some hope!

Kathy
 
so basically i'm screwed,
early 30's,
not attracted to women at/over my age, and not looking for 'instant families'

so finding a decent attractive local girl
in her mid/late 20's thats
single
not crazy
or any of the other 'qualities' listed in previous posts(which i don't personally agree is true for all 20 something women) is not a very likely proposition, particularly when you factor out the seemingly numerous single moms (nothing against them at all, just my own goofy hangups)
 
Oh Jeez... feel like opening a can of worms on this one...

Me.. divorced.. chose flying over my first wife.. (can you blame me?) and I am in my 30's

Anyway.. tried E-harmony, Match, Yahoo and a garden variety of others.

E-harmony while on the pricey side and somewhat challenging to move on, did give me plenty of "hits" most were not even remotely local though.

Yahoo.. it's free and depending on where you are searching it can be hit or miss. I agree with all the negatives stated.

Match.. decent price, but I found you have to weed through the ad's. If your not in a "rush", watch match for about a month or more. You will see several ad's always change, that is to stay "new" and on the top of the search engines. Those are the ad's to stay away from. Over the course of better than 6 months I was able to see some people just keep on coming back with different titles, modified pictures or whatever. Dated a few and found the "bad" as others have suggested. In all I did find the "right" one for me and been happy ever since.

I live in a city that is backwards in the dating world (third worst city to be single in). That also makes it even more difficult.

Last choice was speed dating.. 30 people, 3 min's intro's and move on.. Some hits and misses, usually grouped by age so the field can be a challege if your into the younger stuff. Nothing came from it, but it was something different that does work for some people.

I tired the dating thing in cities I frequent, or my company's other domiciles. Can be tricky if your not from the area as they automatically think your married and just out for a good time (can you blame them?)

One final comment.. as my now significant other put it to me... Those who are single (females) into the late 20's early 30's and not on a mission (read professional career path), they are single for a reason. Those divorced, with kids or some other reason's are not always the bad catch, people do stupid things when they are younger, don't count them out quite yet...
 
eharmony malarkey

here's the 'feedback' from eharmony on me, obviously a form letter, but amusing none the less, i'm gonna retake it and lie about the religious stuff and see what happens then...

eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive testing of married individuals. One of the requirements for it to work successfully is for participants to fall into our rigorously defined profiles. If we aren't able to match a user well using these profiles, the most considerate approach is to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish and enjoy happy, lasting relationships that we choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching system is not suitable for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply would not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand that we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

You can still receive your free personality profile by clicking here.
 
my first time trhough.. got the same letter..

tried again a week later.. looked at the questions differently.. got ton's of response's.. more than I counted on...
 
I actually resigned, quit, whatever...

Gave it about a week, went back in and used the same login and information one more time.

Took all the tests, but looked at the questions and my answers more closely...

I guess the key was in my answers...
 
Dating Services

Thanks much,

I am in a difficult social position at the moment. I am in the market for most everything considered essential for human happiness. You all gave me a pretty good understanding of what to expect on the open dating market and delivered it with a wide array of wit and sincerity.

1. I got some places to visit to alleviate frustration
2. some places to visit to get frusratation
3. places to avoid getting frustration
4. a scary review of blind dating
5. a very good explanation of a males "biological clock" in regard to female availability and expectations
6. perspective from both genders
7. and some stories of happy ending that keep my hopes alive.

Aviation has some of the best individuals on earth. :)
 
I'll chime in here on the internet vs. coffee shop debate.

I met a man on the internet, at Match.com, actually. The relationship was short-lived and tumultuous. Conversations were always awkward and "intimate encounters" were even worse. He did look like his picture, incidentally...but he was also a drug addicted convicted felon.

Yeah, that wasn't so great. Most people I know haven't had much better luck. However, I met the man I'm going to marry next year at the coffee shop I've been hanging out at for years...while I was dating someone else. So we actually got to talk and know each other first...and it's fantastic. I'll take real life over the internet any day.
 
Dating Services

I'll chime in here on the internet vs. coffee shop debate.......

Ravengirl,

Was that happy encounter one of an unexpected kind. I have heard that such occasions can not be planned. The harder one looks the more distant becomes the goal until, by chance, the right one appears unexpectedly.

Is there a pattern in life or is all just chance? Dr. Phil suggests making whatever you get, good or bad, workout regardless of ones comfort level in the relationship.

I have met women you couldn't pry me away from them with a crowbar but I couldn't get close to them. Then there were those I couldn't get far enough away from but found them around me all the time.

I can go along with pretty much either philosophy. If it is possible to plan a relationship, I know to specific detail the kind of person I am attracted to . In that case it is a simply knowing where to look in finding this kind of person. If it is not possible to plan, I guess it doesn't matter what I like.
 
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I don't believe that anything that happens in this life is an accident (that's about the ONLY concrete belief I have at this point in my life.)

I would say that the entire encounter was unexpected. My current fiance is someone I met and became friends with while I was planning to marry someone else...and when that someone else and I parted ways, I did not expect, not for a second, to develop a relationship with my fiance. There are many reasons I didn't see it coming, and when I realized it was, I initially tried to fight it (clearly, I wasn't terribly successful.) It happened anyway...and two years later we're planning a wedding. Strange. The time in my life I was really hurting and not looking for anyone, and I found the man I want to marry.

I believe that there is a reason for everything that happens, even if the reasons are not our own or are unclear (if this makes any sense, it's late and I'm tired.) That said, there are all sorts of places to meet people...and you can meet any type of person anywhere, these days. Though I don't think I'd seek out a potential mate at, say, a strip club or a dive bar. But that's not saying I couldn't meet the right person there- I'd just be surprised if I did. But this kind of thing is really not something you can look for, in my opinion...there are ways to be wise and improve your chances, but sometimes you just have to step back and let things come to you.

I am constantly surprised by my life and what it hands me, just when I think I have it figured out.

the exhausted philospher...Stephanie
 
I've long resigned to the fact that theres no reason for anything
causality, and randomness, thats the true "nature" of life for lack of a better descriptor
the inherent problem with philosophy, as nietzsche put it, is its relation to perspective (in other words, the ideology is defended after the fact with reason to support the persons internal belief)
thats why so many philisophical debates end in stalemates.

from ravengirls (and many others i'm sure) perspective, life is a structured (albeit surreptitious) sequence of events (fate, if you will) from which they try to draw some kind of meaning.

while others perspectives, like myself, is that life is an interconnected series of unrelated events (at best some are causally tied together) having no intrinsic meaning other than what we make of it (how we affect our world and those around us, not as in finding a "meaning" in it).

everything, and at the same time, nothing, surprises me in life

this isn't meant as a jab at anyone or anything, just stating some things to think about.
 
I guess I can throw in my 2 cents on this one. Met my wife on matchmaker.com Been happily married three years now.
 

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