Cover Letters From Hell

[Resume Writer]

These excerpts from cover letters were received by an advertising agency. Scroll all the way to the bottom, as there are some very funny (and sad) examples!

http://killianadvertising.com/coverletters.html

 

[Cardinal]

All your job are belong to us!

 

[crash-proof]

Thanks, that was great...my favs:

"... But that's the past. I've given them a year of my life in a minimum security work camp and I'm nearing work release status where I'll be for the next 15 months or so... I need to connect with open-minded people like myself! My crime was a 'non-violent, victimless' one. I'm hoping this letter is reaching people who have or do smoke weed ..."

"I am a motivated, self-igniting person :angryfire who greatly entertains the challenges of bettering myself and the performance of work that I do."

 

[oiltycoon]

Recruiters actually read the cover letter??

 

[FL420]

Hilarious! Thanks.

 

[VNugget]

"I am seeking a new position as i have recently been laid."

 

[jetexas]

"I am a motivated, self-igniting person...":angryfire
"I am getting to my goal, slowly but surly"

At my old freight company, the CP showed me some cover letters from applicants. A few expressed interest in working for...the competition! haha

 

[Gorilla]

Funny stuff, thanks!

I find it striking that these college-educated clowns use such poor grammar. Contrast these with hand-written letters by Civil War soldiers with seventh grade educations... many of the letters have prose like Shelley or Byron. Beautiful cursive, too. What is it with the use of language these days?

Lump me in there too, but I do try to construct a sentence with accuracy.

 

[CA1900]

If this web site is any indication, there must be some special kind of illiteracy reserved just for pilots. Trying to decode some of these posts is an exercise in frustration. I hope their cover letters are somewhat better.



Its enoug to make people loose they're mind's.

 

[FL420]

Perhaps the FI.com webmeister would like to make these a sticky:

The 10 Dumbest Grammar Mistakes

Catching typos is easy thanks to spell checkers, but flagrant grammatical errors are harder to spot. If you weren't paying attention in seventh grade English class during those boring grammar lessons, it could come back to haunt you decades later. Proper grammar is essential if you want to be seen as educated and professional.

Make any one of these 10 errors, and you'll just look dumb!

Error No. 1: It's/its
Explanation: "It's" is a contraction for "it is." If you aren't sure whether to use "its" or "it's," read the sentence and substitute the words "it is." Does it make sense? Then "it's" is correct. If not, use "its."
Wrong: Your home and all it's contents are only protected if you lock it when you leave.
Right: Your home and all its contents are only protected if you lock it when you leave.

Error No. 2: They're/their/there
Explanation: "They're" means "they are." "Their" is a possessive pronoun just like "her," "his," or "our." All other uses are "there."
Wrong: There going on they're weekly lunch date to the restaurant over their.
Right: They're going on their weekly lunch date to the restaurant over there.

Error No. 3: Effect/affect
Explanation: "Affect" is a verb that means to have an influence upon. "Effect" is a noun.
Wrong: Gold prices have no affect on purchasing power.
Right: Gold prices have no effect on purchasing power.
Wrong: The earnings report is not expected to effect the stock price in the long-term.
Right: The earnings report is not expected to affect the stock price in the long-term.

Error No. 4: Lay/lie
Explanation: You lay down the newspaper on the kitchen table in the morning, but you lie down on the couch to watch TV at night. Here's a good way to tell them apart: If the subject of the sentence is acting on something, it's "lay." If the subject is lying down, then it's "lie." And that's no lie!
Wrong: I'm going to lay down for a nap.
Right: I'm going to lie down for a nap.

Error No. 5: You're/your
Explanation: "You're" is the contraction for "you are," while "your" is used in all other instances.
Wrong: Your so smart to realize that you're short skirts and flip-flops aren't appropriate attire in the office.
Right: You're so smart to realize that your short skirts and flip-flops aren't appropriate attire in the office.

Error No. 6: Loose/lose
Explanation: "Loose" means something that is wobbly or baggy. "Lose" is to misplace or not be able to find something.
Wrong: Don't loose that house key.
Right: Don't lose that house key.

Error No. 7: Then/than
Explanation: If you're making a comparison, choose "than." If you're talking about time, choose "then."
Wrong: First you write and polish your resume, than you look for a job.
Right: First you write and polish your resume, then you look for a job.
Wrong: Joyce is prettier then Sarah.
Right: Joyce is prettier than Sarah.

Error No. 8: Could of/would of/should of instead of could have/would have/should have
Explanation: It may sound like "of" when you speak and slur your words together, but it's not! The correct form is always "have."
Wrong: I could of gotten into that college if I only knew the rules of grammar.
Right: I could have gotten into that college if I only knew the rules of grammar.

Error No. 9: Different than/different from
Explanation: This one is easy. Use "different from" and don't use "different than." Period. (If you're British, you may use "different to.")
Wrong: My computer at work is different than the one I have at home.
Right: My computer at work is different from the one I have at home.

Error No. 10: i.e./e.g
Explanation: "i.e" means "that is," while "e.g" means "for example. Both are Latin abbreviations and are always followed by a comma.
Wrong: On their first day of work, new employees are given free company goodies (i.e, T-shirts and mugs).
Right: On their first day of work, new employees are given free company goodies (e.g., T-shirts and mugs).