Communications Between Pilot & Mechanic

[Brasgaucho]

Communication Between Pilot & Mechanic

Just in case you need a laugh: After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.​

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
​

• • P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.
    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.
    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.
    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.
    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.
    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.
    And the best one for last.....
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget ​

 

[IFollowRoads]

Qantas has IFF in all the aircraft, eh? Hmm...

I've seen US Army, US Navy, US Air Force, USMC, RAF, and Canadian Forces versions of that list. Its been around since WWII I think.

 

[Metro752]

Ya QFA has an IFF cuz ANZ is always nearby!

 

[TrafficInSight]

Read the signature

 

[FL420]

Wish I had a nickel for every time I've seen this posted.
BTW. Why does Qantas need a target radar in their airliners? Doing a few air-to-air intercepts, eh?

 

[AirBadger]

Hey guys welcome to 1999. I sure hope Al Gore wins.

 

[Brasgaucho]

Sorry to rough your feather ladies, don't visit this site as often as some of you...

 

[sky37d]

Oh, don't let them get to you. Some of us have real jobs, or more interesting things to do. Although, what could be more interesting than reading flightinfo??