Captains that say "I'm laid back"

[spg2bmd]

Im going to need you to start clapping... great, now, I would like to hear this clapping until we shut the airplane down. No clapping= you may be doing something you shouldnt, just keep clapping, that would be best.... Grrreat.

 

[Freight Dog]

Hi! I'm Freight Dog, and that is CAPTAIN Freight Dog to you, probie! Now look... we're gonna exercise a little thing called CRM here. That means CAPTAIN'S RESOURCE MANAGEMENT. Yes, that means you work for me, got it probie?

Now listen up... we're going to exercise the absolute positive exchange of controls. So when I say MY PLANE, you will IMMEDIATELY release all controls. Yes probie, that means you will let go of the yoke, throttles, pedals, and you will sit on your hands. If you don't, in case you didn't know, I'm an FFDO, and I will consider it an attempted hijack and act accordingly. Let me make it perfectly clear - I say MY PLANE you say, your plane, SIR! Any questions there, probie?

Now... let's get some other things straight. You WILL talk on the radio using ONLY THE PROPER radio phraseology. In other words, I don't want to hear "checkin' in; with you; g'day; g'd afternoon; or up yours." Further more, it's not THREE-NINE-OH, it's TREE-NINER-ZERO. Questions there?

OK, moving on - you will NOT call the airport in sight until I specifically command you to call it in sight, got it probie?

OK, now look... CAPTAIN'S RESOURCE MANAGEMENT states that FO's are worthless, and that the chain of command in the aircraft is as follows:

ME, the lead flight attendant, the other flight attendants, nonrevs, jumpseaters, crew schedulers, and then you, got it?

Now... if you are lucky, and I let you take a leg, remember the MY PLANE command? Good! Just making sure. Listen up now... if you are going to handfly, I better see 250 knots below 10,000 feet. Not 252, not 248, 2-5-0. Got it? I hold my crew to the highest standards, and that means YOU.

You are free to use the autopilot anytime I tell you it's OK, but you have to ask me first. If you don't, I'll take the airplane, and we'll exercise the "MY PLANE" command.

If you manage to keep the plane and not have me take it from you, you shall adhere to proper approach speeds, so if your target airspeed is 140, I don't want to see 142, or 139. I expect 140. If I have to tell you twice, MY PLANE!

Entertainment on the flight deck. I see you are a frosted tip, spikey hair, queerbait, and based on my Flightinfo education, I take it you have an iPod with you. If I see it, I'm going to take it from you, and you will not see it again. Do I make myself perfectly clear?

Any questions?

 

[spg2bmd]

All captains should strive for this level of perfection, you sir, Mr. Freight Dog, are a real man of genius. We salute you! Honestly, though, funny ********************!

 

[Freight Dog]

It's CAPTAIN Freight Dog to you, sh*thead! :angryfire

 

[spg2bmd]

Your controls!

 

[CRJCptn]

handfly??? can we do that?????



jk, funny stuff

 

[Stifler's Mom]

It's CAPTAIN Freight Dog to you, sh*thead! :angryfire

Your controls!

That was very funny. Thanks for the laugh.:beer:

 

[rumpletumbler]

Entertainment on the flight deck. I see you are a frosted tip, spikey hair, queerbait, and based on my Flightinfo education, I take it you have an iPod with you. If I see it, I'm going to take it from you, and you will not see it again. Do I make myself perfectly clear?

lmao

Can someone make some name tags that say that?

"Frosted tip, Spiked hair, Queerbait!"

To remove the tag one would have to demonstrate a change in behavior as a result of experience.

 

[wickedpilot]

You just described my Captain this month to a T. Except I'll add that he smokes between every leg and smells like a d@mn ash tray. How about having some consideration for the guy sitting 2 feet from you for the next 3 hours?!?

 

[Britpilot]

So what do you prefer to hear on a brief?

"It's my round, That must have been wind shear and I'll take the short, fat one".