At your next airport screening request..

[stb]

a female to do the search.
Tell the TSA you are a homophobe and are in counceling.
Sure there is a high probability of her/them being a sewer moose but atleast it is a female. Plus we all know fat women try harder to please men.

During the search, keep telling yourself "Women cant keep their hands off me in my uniform."
You can leave a tip for happy ending searches.
There's a party in my pants and your invited.

The one liners are endless...

 

[Deli Guy]

Could you request a gay man? I think that would freak them out.

 

[Hvy]

Could you request a gay man? I think that would freak them out.

Loud moaning might be appropriate....Oh God....Oh God.....

 

[andyd]

So....if i'm gay should I request a female to do the pat down? If a cute guy did it I'd probably pop wood and ask him for his phone number or a cigarette.

 

[Max Powers]

Roll your tongue all over your lips and moan real quietly. When they refuse the female don't forget to lay it on even thicker with a guy.

 

[macdu]

Pop about 2 viagra 15 minutes before the pat down. Really give them some to feel!

 

[Axel]

Almost there! ALMOST THERE!!!!!

 

[Quiet Flight]

I like the idea of tipping a buck or two. The looks would be priceless.

 

[jonjuan]

"I'd prefer a drunk midget if ya' got any."

 

[P-Dawg_QX]

"Phew! Last time a stranger touched me like that, it cost me 50 bucks and a round of penicillin."